Why are guys afraid to commit?

Every guy I have met puts me in the friend zone. It's getting old. They want to date me, have sex with me but don't want anything serious. They also say no sex with other people as long as we are. But we can date others. So confused. Why do guys do that?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are looking at things from YOUR perspective (aka the female perspective). Marriage brings a lot of status and benefits for you.

    Look at it from HIS perspective. What benefits will marriage bring him that he doesn't already enjoy? What liabilities, expectations, obligations, and risks do marriage bring him?

    If you can't explain why the benefits to him clearly outweigh the negatives/risks (and most people can't), then you have your answer.

    Marriage was built around the concept of traditional gender roles and the idea that sex was generally only available to (most) men within marriage. It also meant that, while the man bore the responsibility to provide for and protect his wife/family, it also meant that he was solidly in charge, and that she worked hard to care for him at home and make his home life as easy and stress-free as possible. Under this system, marriage had real benefits for the man.

    But since the rise of Feminism in the mid-1960s, women rejected traditional gender roles and being reliant on men. They now get advanced educations, work outside the home, make their own money, and are in charge of themselves. But that also means that they often provide little benefit to the man in a marriage that he can't already get in a boyfriend/girlfriend setting - sex and affection - yet his obligations to her - legal and otherwise, are significantly less.

    You can't have it both ways - either you choose the freedom of doing your own thing and making your own way in the world, or you choose to add significant value to the man in a potential marriage. It is virtually impossible to do both, and most men have figured out that marriage under the modern system is a bad risk for the man.

    I've known a couple of men who were great family men, worked their asses off to provide for the wife and kids, etc., only to have his wife divorce him 15-20 years in. She hooks up with some other guy and she gets the house, the kids,, the nice car, and half of his retirement and investments, while he gets a crappy apartment in a bad neighborhood, drives a 25-year-old car, alimony and child-support payments, and eats hot dogs 3 meals a day because he's broke.

    Many guys grew up with their parents in this very situation, and saw it with their own eyes - and vowed not to ever let that happen to them.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Because a committed relationship means they can't bounce out when ever they want to, they can't talk to other girls or have sex with other girls either. They're young, their not thinking about anything long term, their just boys who want go around and have fun without being "tied down". I believe in this day and age, commitment is made out to be something to be feared instead of something thats good. But not all men are like this though so it makes wonder if your going after the wrong type of men maybe?

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What Guys Said 17

  • That's because a commitment will lead to a stronger and more deeper emotional bond and some guys don't want that. Why, well that could be because stronger, deeper the bond gets the more difficult it becomes to come out of it.

    Hence some guys don't want to commit and so want to keep their options open of exiting.

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  • I think a lot has to do with the situation surrounding the relationship or it could be that for some reason in today's society a majority of people are always looking for the next best thing while failing to truly appreciate what is in front of them. Especially in relationships because as the saying goes, the grass is not always greener on the other side. Another reason could be that there are so many more options and much easier access to things like sex than ever before. Plus almost everything has been subject to sexualization because sex sells (unfortunately). So some decide that commitment is just not worth it while others decide commitment isn't for them due to being hurt in the past or not wanting to assume the responsibilities of a true relationship. There could be other reasons too, but that's my opinion on the subject 😋

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  • It's obvious real men don't exist these days. Society is filled with immature fuck boys that are only out to add to the body count of women they go through. I had my share of fun when I was younger but at some point you realize how shallow and meaningless the "random sex" is. And sooner or later you start to want something more stable and meaningful. It's at that point men actually grow up.

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  • Sorry you are having trouble,

    If commitment = serious relationship: it's because these guys just want free sex, maybe so they brag about it, maybe so they satisfy their ego, whatever it is they do not care what the girl wants, unless the girl wants the same she should not get invloved with that kind.

    If commitment = marriage then here is my short answer: Marriage was. is and will forever be stupid and useless.

    Long lasting healthy relationships need both sides to be good people.

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  • they aren't they simply dont view you as teh kind of girl they want to settle down with, , most guys wanna settle down and start a family at some point but iam gonna be honest with you not all girls are fit for that role and guys can sense that hence why some girls complain about guys avoiding them and just using them for sex.

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  • They just want to have friends with benefits and nothing serious. You can find guys that want relationships. Especially being as hott as you are.

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  • your juzt dating the wrong guys

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  • That is strange - maybe you're not in need of being taken care of - this gets guys feeling protective over you (which is sort of where relationship material starts).
    Sounds silly - but try to be a bit more vulnerable (in appearance at least)?

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  • because i dont trust anyone, and most of the people are assholes, they lie and cheat.

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  • Lmao they aren't "afraid" Whyd they wanna "commit" when they can bang whoever lol

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  • Men are afraid to commit to women because most are against getting an emergency abortion.

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  • I think you meet the wrong guys, like minded people fit together

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  • Feminism... is why

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  • you're thing says you're divorced they dont wanna lose half they stuff lmfao

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  • Simple: you keep finding the wrong guys.

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  • I think this is the cause of femninism. I mean why would anyguy want to commit himself to a life sentance with one particular women... he is denying himself a lifetime worth of girls. Plus staying with a girl is like prison and she will try to control your life.

    I think many guys now see women as just sex objects and i don't think women are worth the effort at all. The best part is we don't have to feel guilty because women are independent and can stand on their own feet and don't need a man to protect them. So i think post feminism is awesome.

    Oh and i know so many girls that spread there legs far too easily... so times are great

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    • 3mo

      Feminism my arse. I may have my own career one day, but I still want a man in my life. If he wants to pay for me, I will let him. If he wants to take care of me, I will let him. I want a man to protect me... And I only want attention from a man whom I can trust. Feminism has done nothing wrong, women have just allowed masculine energy to take over. They can't receive when men give, they are completely closed off. I personally, love & adore men. Every man wants to settle down at some point - EVERY man. The ones who deny it, are lying, because I've been taught by alpha/dominant men all my life. Just because some women disappointed you, doesn't mean all of them are the same; it's like me saying all men suck because I've gotten hurt. All in all, you get disappointed because you CHOOSE the wrong partners, you don't "attract" them. Just don't give up on all women... Please.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      It's not a problem. I'm glad I made you smile - there's still hope, see! 😁. I'm sorry to hear about your dad 😢... Just stay strong. Keep well. 🌹

    • 3mo

      #GoldenWing Thanks, you too :)

  • I'm always looking for something better.

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    • 3mo

      You know that's ONE of the taits of a Player, right? Can't argue with me, because I learn from the best of men myself. 😝

What Girls Said 3

  • They stand to lose A LOT more than women do.

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  • cuz commitment suckz

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  • Because they can. You already gave them everything without them even showing any commitment... so that's what'll happen.

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