Should I contact him to confirm our date or do nothing?

Delicate situation. Been dating a guy I met online for about 3 months. Haven't seen him much lately due to him having serious family problems (health issues etc). Saw him last weekend after 2 weeks apart, and had a great time.

Some context with my guy; he's very family orientated and looks after them; his mom is slowly on the mend. Anyway, I suggested if he was free (this weekend) he can stay over at mine on Sunday night. He said "maybe, but would have to see how his mom was doing first." I told him that was fine. We've been in touch all week, but there's been no confirmation about what his plans are. He's a decent guy, and has usually followed up before with confirmation of plans.

He knows I'm away seeing an old friend (not seen her in months) on Saturday night, and there's an option for me to stay at hers on Sunday night. I know I need to tread carefully; I don't want to push him. I'm all for committing Sunday night with him, I just need to know what's going on.

How do I handle this?


1|1
12|8

Most Helpful Guy

  • Personally I feel you should just be upfront and be straight with him and let him know the situation and just say you're not attempting to push or rush him in anyway and you want to be supportive of what he's going through right now, but you would just like to confirm what the plans are for this Sunday, because you have the opportunity to spend time with your old friend, but let him know as well you're there for him as a priority first and you just want to make sure he knows this and you'd like to help as much as you can. Just present it just like that and be honest.

    Do it casually and I'm sure he'll not see it as you being too pushy at all. He might actually appreciate you making the effort while's he's dealing with the family issues. He may feel like he's no longer along shouldering all of it himself and it might bring the two of you closer together. Even if he doesn't accept your offer, he may see it still in such positive light because he'll know that if he really wanted it, you'd be there for him. That's what I'd do in your situation.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • ... His mom is slowly on the mend...
    Being you have been Informed by 'My Guy,' about his Sticky 'Serious Family Problems, and with His own 'Mom who is 'Slowly on the Mend' here, dear, it appears from where I am Sitting... He is merely Being polite by Actually just Saying, "I don't Believe so, Babe. I need to be here for Mom, she may get worse if I leave her right now."
    Go ahead and Reschedule with your man. Your Friend to the End has More set Plans in Mind and I am sure, as Wise as I am, it won't Hurt his 'Family Oriented' Feelings with you for being Honest.
    Enjoy, hun, and I don't see you in any Hot water. He is already Secure in this Relationship with you, where While he is Home with the Gang, he Knows he Can always Count on "His Girl" to be There for Him for Life Support.
    Good luck and Blessings to your Guy's family. xx

    3|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 7

  • It sounds like you have a decent guy. Maybe not! Do you know for sure he has all these problems or is it only because he tells you. If you only have his word, I'd be causious. Ask why you haven't met any of his family, if that's the case. I won't go on with my thoughts because you really haven't given the kind of information I need to have more more direct answers. I wish you the best!

    0|0
    0|0
  • If I were you I would CALL him to verbally confirm or decline. Short and sweet nothing lengthy if you were compelled to leave a voicemsg.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Be fully honest. You wanna know if you'll stay with your friend or if you'll see him on Sunday night. He seems like a chill dude. Just ask casually. Dont put pressure on him. Its just one night, dont worry about it, and be sure to let him know he doesn't have to do anything really.

    1|0
    0|0
    • 3mo

      Thanks for your opinion. Is there any way how I can phrase would you've said?

    • 3mo

      I dunno...

      "Hey my friend said I could stay the Sunday night at her place [or somehing like that], so I wanted to check on you to know how long I'll stay there". Something like that. Dont bother too much about the phrasing. I think you should be as cool as possible about it. After all, it really is just one night and its normal to plan ahead. No need to worry. If he demonstrates feeling nervous about it just be homest and say you wanted to plan ahead a bit. Nothing more.

  • Avoid the date topic but saying morning and other stuff that is normal is okay. As thinking about the date can be distracting especially if he is working or busy.

    0|0
    1|0
    • 3mo

      I think I'm going to suggest rescheduling, which might ease any pressure. Feel a bit bad for suggesting it last week to him, even though it was only tentative.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      If he did have room in his schedule, he would have said so by now. He's a planner, and so am I but I'm trying to handle this sensitively. He's only ever cancels anything last minute, unless there's a very valid reason. How would it come across if I suggest to reschedule? (from a guys perspective?)

    • 3mo

      He is probably trying to muscle the date into his busy schedule it might not be a long one but its still time together.

  • Just tell him that he should be with his mom and that you understand that. You'll be spending the weekend with your friend. and that you'll do something later when his mom is better.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think your best best is to be straightforward. Just ask. "Hey, I'm about to go see my friend. I can stay at her place Sunday but I'd prefer to stay with you".

    0|0
    0|0
  • In case of doubt, call!

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 11

  • "Just wondering how things were looking for Sunday, hope your day is going well."

    1|0
    0|1
  • Without a doubt contact him. Given the situation with his mother, he may not even know yet if he'll be free, so asking him to confirm plans is in no way being pushy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just ask him "hey are we on for Sunday night? Just trying to get my weekend d sorted :)"

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would wait this out, you already did your part now let's see what he does.

    2|0
    0|0
  • I think you should just confirm and make sure he's still able to hang out. Worst case scenario is that he can't make it and you guys have to reschedule.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd wait it out and let him make the contract

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sure just shoot a text saying "We still on for tomorrow"

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you guys are not offical your not obligated to him. So, in that situation I would go with my friend and tell him you were just tryin to gave him his space if he asks.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can say something along the lines of,

    "Hey, how's it going? How has your mom been? ... As you know, I'll be seeing an old friend on Saturday, but she also said I have the option to stay over at her place on Sunday too, depending on my schedule. Do you happen to know what your schedule will be like, because we briefly mentioned that if you're free, you can stay over at my place on Sunday, but if you're not able to, then I'll spend Sunday at my friend's place."

    This kind of way leaves it open for him where he won't feel like he's trapped to answer one way or the other.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can contact him but if I were you I would just spend time with my friend than ask him if he's up for the Sunday night plan.
    It's either he's not that into you and his family is a great excuse (I'm not saying he's mom is not sick or anything, but if he truly wants to pursue you he would have made time. Seeing you for a bit on Sunday night is no biggie. Worst case he could have asked you to meet him by hospital or something for quick.) or this is just not the right time for him to pursue someone. Either way I don't want you to put 100% on him. Keep your options open. you see him only 2 wks apart. It means he's not really available for you. if I were him, I would have asked you to meet me for lunch, or coffe, something light so I can still see you. It doesn't need to be stay over night, fancy dinner or anything. He could have already met you so many times so you know that he still cares you and is interested. it's either he's not emotionally available or he's seeing someone else on the side. And either way, he's not that into you. Don't be naive. I just don't want him to use you. You deserve better.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Don't contact him

    1|0
    1|1
Loading...