Boyfriend let girl sleep on his bed on his bday?

I was at a tournament on my bf's birthday but I found out he got together with 5 of his guy friends and 3 girls because of a school project and apparently he barely knew the girls he invited to his house. Like they've talked before but aren't close at all.

One of his friends told me at the end everyone left but this one girl named Alyssa and I asked my boyfriend if it was true and he said she passed out and slept on his bed and I asked him where he slept and he was like "on my bed but we didn't do anything". I trust him but this feels like it could count as cheating? I think? Since he basically got in bed with another girl.

And I should mention that before this thing my girlfriends told me that he often looks at this Alyssa girl when it's just him and her. I never noticed him looking at another girl when he's with me but my friends say that when I'm not around he would look at her.

  • He has a crush on her and they hooked up
    29% (14)15% (8)22% (22)Vote
  • They had sex
    19% (9)21% (11)20% (20)Vote
  • They made out
    10% (5)4% (2)7% (7)Vote
  • They didn't do anything but he wanted to have sex with her
    21% (10)25% (13)23% (23)Vote
  • They didn't do anything and he didn't want anything to happen
    21% (10)35% (19)28% (29)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Personally, in my opinion, I would not count this as cheating, but I would say he exercised poor judgement and didn't take into account your feelings. If the girl wanted to sleep he could have put her on the sofa or some place else. If she passed out on his bed and was just a gentleman to let her sleep it off there, then he should have slept elsewhere, because even though you trust nothing happened between them, it is the impropriety of the incident that's the point.

    Perception means a lot to people and if it gets around he allowed this to happen and slept in the bed with her, it causes into question his commitment to you and your relationship with him. This is how rumors begin, even as innocent, as the situation may be; that's not really the point. He should have thought this through and considered how you or others you're friends with and close to might perceive this incident and might just start snickering and perhaps thinking that maybe something did happen between the two of them, because perhaps they don't trust him as deeply as you may being his girlfriend.

    You need to be assertive with him and let him know just how this made you feel. You're his girl and it doesn't matter what didn't happen between him and this other girl; you're the one he's in a relationship with and he needs to be mindful of your reputation as well as his own. If he does things that appear to be distrustful, then he's going to start being seen as untrustworthy. A person's actions will many times tell the story of who they truly are.

    Don't be shy with this one. Talk to him. Tell him how this made you feel and let him know you don't appreciate him allowing a girl sleep in his bed like that and in the future he should exercise better judgement. If he's any kind of man he'll take your opinion and feelings to heart and if he gets defensive and says something like you're overreacting, then that's a RED FLAG right then and there to suggest there is actually something deeper going on, and he might actually have real feelings for this other girl he's not admitting to you. If that's the case then you need to consider what you want to do next; whether you want to stay with him or if he's broken faith with you and you need to break off your relationship with him because of his behavior and poor judgement.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well to be honest with you this sounds like a tricky situation to just write off as instant cheating.

    #1: It is very possible that he is also interested in this Alyssa girl behind your back, so there is no doubt that your friends could be telling the truth. Unless your friends have alternative motive to break you guys up, which again I doubt, I believe he is interested that girl other than you.
    #2: Its hard to say if they had sex or hooked up. But anything can be possible while they slept on the same bed. However just because a guy sees a girl in his room, it doesn't mean he HAS to have sex with her. Was it stupid of him to allow that? Yes, yes it was. But you have to use your own discernment on that.
    #3: Possible that they made out, only because normally heavy make outs lead to sex.
    #4: As far if he wanted to have sex with her, only the Lord knows. But if he has a serious interest in her sexually, then yes.

    In the end all of this is just hearsay until you actually talked to the girl yourself to see if there is any discrepancies on her end. So until you make that guy pay for a lie detector test or something. Your literally stuck in a grey area. Overall if you can't trust him with the information you got or you sense something is not right, you don't need to be with him. You can't be with a person who you don't trust. You can love them, but it doesn't mean you have to be with them.

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What Guys Said 16

  • don't know if they hooked up but it sounds like a situation that should've occurred differently. like he should've slept in a different room or at least on the floor. you simply don't sleep with another woman, especially one you aren't good friends with, when in a relationship

    if a girlfriend of mine slept in the same bed as a guy i'd definitely feel like it wasn't ok

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  • I would follow @lonasta 's lead on this. It does sound hella shady but he did tell you that another girl did sleep in his bed, my questions to him would be why didn't he just sleep somewhere else or why did he offer her ass to sleep on the damn couch if he didn't really KNOW her to begin with all of a sudden now she's all buddy buddy sleep in my bed. Look, I've had homegirls spend the night when they were drunk or too tired to drive home but they either got the couch with awesome pillows n blankets, the even better master guest room with an included bathroom or they slept in my bed while I slept elsewhere to RESPECT my girlfriend (at the time now exgf) that I don't want something as sleeping to be looked like it was something it wasn't. So yeah talk to him.

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    • 3mo

      He only told me that she slept over when I asked him if what his friend was true.

  • First off, I've never heard of ANY group project in my entire schooling career that takes 8 people. I wouldn't assume the worst, but you have very limited information. For example, you've heard that he looks at her (could be untrue but let's assume it's true), you know that he got together with 7 other people on the night of his birthday (unless he's really, really studious, he wasn't working on a group project on his birthday) and you know that 6 people just happened to leave him and her alone. On top of all that, he doesn't have the proper judgement to have a girl get out of his bed for respect for his girlfriend. There's not much more evidence you can have of someone cheating on you than finding texts, an eye witness (they conveniently all left), or a camera. I wouldn't trust him and it's perfectly reasonable for you to judge the situation with the information that you have (all of which, by the way, points to him cheating on you) and come to a logical conclusion. You're making an educated guess based on all the data given to you- professional engineers do it all the time.

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  • You don't offer an answer that fits for me. I think you definitely have trust issues to some degree and are probably right feeling he did something. He had the very simple option of moving her to somewhere else, even the floor or he should have slept elswhere. If he's sticking to his story, I'd move on. He will do it again, if not with her, someone else. Count on it! Find a good guy who has common sense.

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  • Dump your guy, tomorrow or this evening.

    You more or less got cheated on or attempted to be cheated on.

    If a guy offers his bed to a girl that he does not plan to have sex with or want to have sex with, he leaves and sleeps on a couch in another room. That would be a gentlemanly move. Doesn't sound like that happened

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  • I really think your blowing this outta proportion. You are literally jumping to the worst conclusion possible. There is literally nothing positive about being on your boyfriends ass over this. As he will more than likely just find you clingy if this is your reason for being paranoid.

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    • 3mo

      Really.. of course you don't see this as a problem.

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    • 3mo

      "because I trust my partner" is not the reason you haven't been cheated on. i trusted both partners i was with who cheated on me. i trust my wife but it doesn't mean she couldn't cheat on me... you haven't been cheated on because you have a good girl who has not decided to betray your trust. a written agreement or talk about not cheating will not stop someone from cheating if they want to

    • 3mo

      Actually men respect a girlfriend that gives boundaries in a relationship.
      Women find it sexy too if a guy is assertive and outright speaks his mind if she does something he felt uncomfortable over.

  • It's a guess.

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  • dump him, his story is bullshit

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  • Good knows what he did..
    But when you say "he basically got in bed with another girl" didn't mean he had sex with her..
    I mean he just let her sleep free ad she passed out maybe..
    Maybe you are overthiking

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  • Hm ask the Alyssa what happened basically

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  • she passed out
    did he fuck her sleeping
    ofc not
    but your boyfriend knew what your were thinking
    on my bed but we didn't do anything"

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  • it may be totally innocent and your friends are just stirring it up for the sake of drama

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  • He's full of sh*t. Man doesn't simply sleep with another (non related) woman.

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    • 3mo

      ''man'' is more than one person meaning that ''man'' will think differently from other ''man'' get your head out of your ass

  • They didn't do anything and he didn't want anything to happen

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  • you decided it was better to be at your own event, rather than your BOYFRIENDS birthday. Not the best decision now, is it?

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What Girls Said 14

  • None of the options apply.

    He crossed the line. I'm sorry to say this, but please consider ending the relationship. Some men will try and push the limits - and keep doing so - he has already shown you that he has little respect for the relationship by allowing another girl to sleep in his bed. A girl he barely knows.
    Once you allow it to happen once.
    He will do it again or much worse.

    No one could possibly know what happened in that bed. But why risk being in a relationship with someone that leaves you feeling so distressed and insecure?
    No boyfriend has ever given me such insecurities so why should women tolerate this behavior?

    No one sees the relationship as legitimate as they are spreading rumours about it. They are literally waiting for drama because they know his behavior has been out of order.

    Show him how valuable you are by not wasting your youth and beauty on an unworthy guy.

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  • He "barley knows her", and let her stay in his bed?

    How would your friends know that he stares are her when they are "alone" if they are actually alone?

    And on that note, he's alone with her that often?

    Shady as fuck. Doesn't add up. Even if he's not lying, he let a stranger stay in his bed! How much worse can his judgement get?

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    • 3mo

      Not when they're alone but when I'm not around? I dont see how that doesn't make sense

    • 3mo

      I misread. I thought it said when they're alone. If they were alone, no one would be around to see.

    • 3mo

      Yeah exavtly

  • You should try talk with him in earnest. Tell him how you feel about this situation and that he should make it clear if he is interested in this other girl. But try to be not accusing. A guy can get really defensive when you accuse him. Just talk to him in a calm manner.

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  • media.tenor.co/.../raw
    38.media.tumblr.com/.../...rdQi8s1spnc0yo1_250.gif
    lamarnehru.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/hoes.gif
    (in this case it'd be "These niggas ain't loyal.")
    You should leave him, I wouldn't trust that shit.

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  • I'm not going to vote because these options no one could know.

    Honestly, just go and ask Alyssa what happen. If she says they did nothing, then they did nothing. Or they're covering up I don't know. But as for cheating, if you don't have evidence to say they cheated then it's not cheating. She slept in his bed. That's it. If I sleep on your bed beside you, did you cheat?

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  • That's not okay at all! He shouldn't of Got in bed with her at all, that's a huge freaking line being crossed.. and if your friends are telling you he's always looking at this girl chances are he has a thing for her. Really he climbed into bed with another girl.. and nothing happened.. right okay. And even if nothing did happen it's still disrespectful to get in bed with another girl who isn't your girlfriend. Nope.. I would drop him girl. Drop him quick like hot Damn potato.

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  • I've slept in the same bed with a guy friend when I've been in a relationship. It doesn't necessarily mean anything happened at all! Sounds purely platonic to me!

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  • You grow immune to your partner sleeping in bed with someone of opposite gender when they have to hotbunk for conventions

    So I personally dont see an issue

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  • I really can't say but I would be suspicious as hell, for sure.

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  • Yeah he wants to cheat or already has

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  • Come on, who does that? He doesn't have a sofa?

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  • Something smells fishy...

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  • That sounds fishy. You dont share your bed with another woman when your girlfriend isn't around. He should have either woken her up and tod her to leave or sleep in another room. I mean how would it look, someone walking in seeing a taken man in a bed with another chick? Looks like cheating. Why not ask Alyssa what happened? See what the sleeping beauty has to say and ask your boyfriend what happened and compare the stories?

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  • Do you think he is lying

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