I was at a tournament on my bf's birthday but I found out he got together with 5 of his guy friends and 3 girls because of a school project and apparently he barely knew the girls he invited to his house. Like they've talked before but aren't close at all.
One of his friends told me at the end everyone left but this one girl named Alyssa and I asked my boyfriend if it was true and he said she passed out and slept on his bed and I asked him where he slept and he was like "on my bed but we didn't do anything". I trust him but this feels like it could count as cheating? I think? Since he basically got in bed with another girl.
And I should mention that before this thing my girlfriends told me that he often looks at this Alyssa girl when it's just him and her. I never noticed him looking at another girl when he's with me but my friends say that when I'm not around he would look at her.
- He has a crush on her and they hooked up29% (14)15% (8)22% (22)Vote
- They had sex19% (9)21% (11)20% (20)Vote
- They made out10% (5)4% (2)7% (7)Vote
- They didn't do anything but he wanted to have sex with her21% (10)25% (13)23% (23)Vote
- They didn't do anything and he didn't want anything to happen21% (10)35% (19)28% (29)Vote
Most Helpful Guy
Personally, in my opinion, I would not count this as cheating, but I would say he exercised poor judgement and didn't take into account your feelings. If the girl wanted to sleep he could have put her on the sofa or some place else. If she passed out on his bed and was just a gentleman to let her sleep it off there, then he should have slept elsewhere, because even though you trust nothing happened between them, it is the impropriety of the incident that's the point.
Perception means a lot to people and if it gets around he allowed this to happen and slept in the bed with her, it causes into question his commitment to you and your relationship with him. This is how rumors begin, even as innocent, as the situation may be; that's not really the point. He should have thought this through and considered how you or others you're friends with and close to might perceive this incident and might just start snickering and perhaps thinking that maybe something did happen between the two of them, because perhaps they don't trust him as deeply as you may being his girlfriend.
You need to be assertive with him and let him know just how this made you feel. You're his girl and it doesn't matter what didn't happen between him and this other girl; you're the one he's in a relationship with and he needs to be mindful of your reputation as well as his own. If he does things that appear to be distrustful, then he's going to start being seen as untrustworthy. A person's actions will many times tell the story of who they truly are.
Don't be shy with this one. Talk to him. Tell him how this made you feel and let him know you don't appreciate him allowing a girl sleep in his bed like that and in the future he should exercise better judgement. If he's any kind of man he'll take your opinion and feelings to heart and if he gets defensive and says something like you're overreacting, then that's a RED FLAG right then and there to suggest there is actually something deeper going on, and he might actually have real feelings for this other girl he's not admitting to you. If that's the case then you need to consider what you want to do next; whether you want to stay with him or if he's broken faith with you and you need to break off your relationship with him because of his behavior and poor judgement.2
Most Helpful Girl
Well to be honest with you this sounds like a tricky situation to just write off as instant cheating.
#1: It is very possible that he is also interested in this Alyssa girl behind your back, so there is no doubt that your friends could be telling the truth. Unless your friends have alternative motive to break you guys up, which again I doubt, I believe he is interested that girl other than you.
#2: Its hard to say if they had sex or hooked up. But anything can be possible while they slept on the same bed. However just because a guy sees a girl in his room, it doesn't mean he HAS to have sex with her. Was it stupid of him to allow that? Yes, yes it was. But you have to use your own discernment on that.
#3: Possible that they made out, only because normally heavy make outs lead to sex.
#4: As far if he wanted to have sex with her, only the Lord knows. But if he has a serious interest in her sexually, then yes.
In the end all of this is just hearsay until you actually talked to the girl yourself to see if there is any discrepancies on her end. So until you make that guy pay for a lie detector test or something. Your literally stuck in a grey area. Overall if you can't trust him with the information you got or you sense something is not right, you don't need to be with him. You can't be with a person who you don't trust. You can love them, but it doesn't mean you have to be with them.1