Why do I keep dreaming about her?

I fell in love with a coworker... and I got really obsessed, infatuated, etc.

I am not sure if she misled me, or I misread things... but I really loved her and she rejected me...( And was seeing someone at the time that I didn't know about)... I might have been the back up guy, as they ended up breaking up...

I was really hurt, she is my first love, and I see her everyday...


I dream about her almost everyday... Mostly at work and random stuff... Usually her rejecting me, being better than me, teasing me and sometimes about her being with other guys... This has been going on for a year...

I last night had a dream, she was talking and laughing with her boyfriend at work... And I just felt so hurt... I was walking around and heard a couple laughing behind me, but I turned around and it was someone else so I didn't care... I walked past her office and she was just working, talking to a guy about work stuff...

A couple nights ago I had a dream... she was with another guy... she was going to kiss him... and I couldn't handle it, so I punched the guy and pushed him out... and I got close to her, and I kissed her... She kissed me too, but she was really not into it, kinda pushing me away.. so I left... and woke up...

I come to realize that most my dreams end up being hurt, rejected or her being with other guys...

I love her I really do, but she doesn't love me... and there's nothing I can do...

I don't know... Is this normal? What should I do? Why is this happening? I don't want therapy.


Most Helpful Girl

  • A. You don't love her. You're obsessed with her. There is a HUGE difference. What do you even know about her as a person? Since you only actually know the woman you see at work, I don't think it's a stretch to assume you don't actually know her well at all - certainly not well enough to genuinely love her - and all these things about her that you "love" are either superficial (her appearance) or attributes you have ascribed to her in your own head - basically, you've made up and idealized version of her I your own head that brings together all the things you want in a woman and ascribe those things to her. Let me guess, she has no flaws in your eyes, does she?

    B. I don't think she led you on. I think you misread things and made innocuous interactions mean something more in your own head. To her, you are just some guy she works with.

    C. No, to answer your question, none of this is normal and is sure as shit isn't healthy. You need to get help sorting through whatever personal issues you have that are causing you to fixate on this woman.

    • 3mo

      A) You are right... I didn't see any flaws in her at first, but got to know her really well...

      I did make a list of flaws, and started seeing them slowly... It might be another problem but I realized I don't care about her flaws as long as I am with her...

      I wouldn't care that she might cheat on me, gets tons of attention, hangs out with a lot of guys... I wouldn't care that she just wants to marry and have kids and quit her day-job... instead of being driven... As long as I was with her...

      B) I accept I may have misread things, Most likely it's my fault... but the thing is there is a small chance she did... She wasn't happy with her boyfriend, started flirting with me... lied about being with him... Then rejected me... I found out about him... Stopped talking to her, and she started telling me about her relationship problems... and I told her to go talk to him about it... and it took a while for us to start talking again... I got over her...

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    • 3mo

      I need professional help?

    • 3mo


What Girls Said 1

  • Anon...

    You don't date coworkers.

    Don't be like "I love you even though we don't know one another" that's not love. It's infatuation. And it's a sure fire way to get someone to not date you.

    You keep thinking about that person so obviously your subconscious is going to work through your thoughts on her. Stop obsessing over her and your dreams about her will stop too.

    • 3mo

      It was like a slow burning infatuation... I have had it for two years :(

      I wouldn't date a coworker... but it changed when I met her... I would have done anything for her...

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    • 3mo

      It would probably also help if you stoped using an excess of ellipses.

      You already know what you need to do but instead of doing it you're sitting on the internet and whining about how you can't. Stop being That Guy.

    • 3mo

      Actually you are right, I know what I have to do.

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