Not sure where I stand, help and ideas appreciated?

I met a guy 8 months ago, in person not online. We started out dating, had a physical/emotional relationship, then he called it off about a month in as he worried I may want children in the future and he doesn't (he already has 3, 2 he doesn't see). A few weeks later we were back on but 5 days later he called it off as he "wasn't over his ex from 2 years ago". But he insisted we remain friends and after I accepted that he became the clingiest he's ever been!

Then he rang me one evening asking to come over and he declared his feelings for me. He said he knows he'd treated me like crap, but I'm his "safe place" and the "nicest girl he has ever met" and he realised now his exes mean nothing. He stayed the night (no sex although I was up for it) and the next day he was booking time off work to match mine, making future plans and we started seeing each other more.

The positive signs; I've met all of his family/friends/colleagues. He makes plans. He texts every day. I see him 5/7 times a week. He invites me to nights with the lads (I'm not a clingy girl, I tell him he needs time alone with his mates etc). He's tactile. He'll get undressed in front of me. He compliments me. He loves making me laugh. We pay evenly for everything. We go out for meals, days out and food shopping together (so obviously isn't afraid to be seen with me).

Negative signs; he never initiates sex or flirts - we just don't have it, we kiss and hug (and I'm not frigid!). He's never introduced me as a partner/girlfriend, someone asked if I was his girlfriend and he replied with "this is Anna". Some days he will text less, mostly on a weekend, and I'll barely hear from him. He has two FB accounts, I'm only friends on one. He's never got rid of his online dating (he's only logged on it a few times however).

A lot of what I read says never push a man into asking where you stand because he'll run for the hills but I need to know. How do you think he feels about me? And is it time to ask him outright?


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What Guys Said 1

  • He see you more as a friend I guess. Least he not using you for sex

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    • 3mo

      Yeah most of what you read online is the man is using you for sex but this one is almost using me for the girlfriend type things! I kinda figure he's getting the dates and companionship without having to fully give up his single status

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    • 3mo

      I have had my suspicions because he never uses his phone in front of me and once a message did pop up from a girl called Vicky and he swiped it away faster than lightning lol

    • 3mo

      Think you know your wasting your time then give up on him

What Girls Said 2

  • I would ask him because I would want to know where I stand so I know if I am wasting my time or not

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    • 3mo

      I have got to the stage now where I want to ask outright, not in a demanding way but need to know if we are on the same page. He should be comfortable to open up a bit now surely? I don't want to waste a year of my life chasing after something that could never happen.

  • Seems like he wants a friend not a girlfriend

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