Seriously. I found a guy that's really sweet, treats me well, very nice, takes me out, talks to me all the time but... it's almost like he's too nice? I didn't think such a thing existed. But he's so nice to the point that I know that if we were ever to be in a relationship, I'd be the dominant one, which isn't what I want. But he's sooooo nice. Back rubs, shoulder massages, always comes to see me, calls me, texts me in the morning, ask me how my day was, tells me I'm pretty...
So... why the heck am I not attracted to the guy? He's like... the only non-jerk guy I've met in a long time and there's like next to no attraction. Why? Someone tell me why. I'm annoyed. I prayed for a guy like this and now that he's here, I feel nothing, which annoys the hell out of me.
1mo I think I gave the wrong impression. He's not a doormat. He has no problem disagreeing with me or telling me I'm wrong, but other than that, he's not very dominant. He's nice and all, but... I don't know, I like a bit of authority in a man.
1mo Forget it, dude turned out to be a jerk in the end.
Some guys are just not very dominant. Especially when pursuing a women because they don't want to scare her off. They are about pleasing her.
Recently I kind of did the same thing even though I'm a leader. I made several new female friends most are really shy introverts. I befriended them and brought several out of their shells around me. I still got everyone together like normal but when I was with them. I really did not care much what we did. I also usually did not push to hard because of them being socially shy so I let the majority rule. There were some more strong and independent women in the group with them I often held my ground on things. But still I usually did not care where we went or what we did. I was just happy hanging out with them.
With the nice guys/good guys you need to let them know that you want authority and that it is alright for them to lead you around. Also tell them that you will let them know when you don't want to be lead.
Often when were younger guys are told and know on certain terms to let the others choose to do stuff most of the time. So we do often when we do act like leaders and ask what people want to do were met with I don't know. Even know I'm still learning how much I can lead and when to let up. Sometime's I'm afraid that if I push someone to do something that they will push back. As it is many of my freinds are just flakes.
Talk with him about it and let him know that you want him to take charge. While your at it compliment him on the qualities you like in him. Like you enjoy praying with him. Encourage the qualities that you enjoy in him.
My freind who is a lot like the guy your describing is just not dominant his girl freind wears the pants in their relationship. However he still leads when he needs to but when he does not she can spread him like butter.
Good luck with your guy I'll be praying for you two.
When someone is too nice, it's very easy to become suspicious (why is he so nice, no one is that nice? etc.) and therefore become unable to feel that "spark." Personally a guy that did all that for me would make me feel inadequate; I'm not overly sentimental or touchy-feely, so if I guy was that way it just wouldn't work for me. And often the idea of what we want and what we really want are two different things; women think they want the overly doting man, and then he arrives and he's too clingy and sentimental for her.
Try telling him that he doesn't have to try so hard. If that doesn't help things then don't string him along; if the spark isn't there it's never going to be, and you don't want to hurt him.
Yeah and too many men do it. "Treat em mean to keep em keen" 😉
As with everything its about balance, too much of a good thing is boring. You want a leader to lead you without being an asshole - for example a guy who wil take your hand and pull you in restaurant he feels is nice and that he knows you'd be at least willing to try, instead of a guy who simply agrees with you about where you want to eat and goes there.
Women who say they want these guys that have no balance are deluding themselves - as much as men who say they want a nice, quiet, modestly dressed housewife all the time.
Perhaps the guy isn't as unassertive as you think. He may not feel he has the right to assert himself in your domain. In doing so he runs the risk of undermining you in front of your kids (if you have any) and children that respect the prominent male in their life will imitate them. If this guy is a father he knows this. Did you ever meet him on his turf? (ie: his crib) how was he there? How is your life situation otherwise? Health, family, personal perception? I ask because maybe he is allowing and helping you to get your life back to normal without making drastic changes to your home and personal life at a time when your life is upside down.
I've been on the other side of this. Here's the deal: part of that is who he is, a good guy, but the excess is mostly due to a lack of confidence for the most part. He wants to please, and he does, but sexual tension isn't created by being nice per se. Its created by teasing, by confidence, by funny moments and seeing high social value on someone. Being nice just isn't a part of it. Its sad but it's true. He's gonna suffer a lot for a while, but he'll probably come out better than most after some time.
Sometimes we don't get the answer we want from praying. We get what God wants. He sounds like a great guy that many women would jump at the chace to have. Your only issue is his lack of dominance. Sometimes one thing can be a deal killer. My advice would be to do what you know is best for you, not him. A relationship that you go into even though you know it's not what you want leads to resentment and no relationship at all. Be careful.
Yes it is possible. I'll assume you're talking more than just physical attraction. How long have you know the guy? Depending on that, he might not want to scare you off as @Dim_121 said. If it's bee awhile, he might just be that way and that's fine. I know that I'm not naturally a dominant one / personality. I'm also shy and still trying to get over that aspect. As for the introverted part, that's who I'll always be. The point I'm trying to make is this, if you try to change him (or anyone for that matter) of who they are, against their will, you won't like the outcome.
Do yourself and him a favor and talk to him about it. If you can't do that, you have no business being in a relationship with him.
Because all he does is give give and give, he never let you have any opportunity to return the favor. At this point, it look like he is your slave instead of your lover. Relationship is about give and take.
There is no Challenge. No excitement. Nothing to work toward.
If you are not attractive to the guy, please don't lead him on. I know it feel really good having some poor guy doing all these nice thing to you for free, but just have some mercy on him and don't waste his time.
Are you not attracted to him physically? Or only not emotionally? He probably really likes you and is afraid if he's too assertive it'll scare you off. Maybe try telling him you want to see him asset himself or be authoritative.
Its not about feelings! If your interested in this person then start pursuing him. How can he be too nice if it sounds like he's not the kind of guy for you, because your used to the guys you've been dating? You wouldn't know unless you take a shot and find out more about him before you write him off.
Yes. If he is passive and just agrees with anything you say, just because you say it. He is too 'nice'. But nice isn't the correct word there… I like someone who stands their ground, willing to disagree but talk it out and just be his own person. I don't want a dependent guy. I don't want to be his mother lol
Well looks wise you just not into him and its better to be honest with yourself and him. Then to date him and the attraction is still not there. That will just hurt knowing girlfriend doesn't find you attracted. I say don't waste your and his time, move on.
No, my crush is the nicest guy I've ever met. He's also a very aggressive and dominant man. I love how he balance these traits. Oh and he's gorgeous that's just a plus lol good personality plus good looks 😍