Is It Possible For A Guy To Be TOO Nice?

Seriously. I found a guy that's really sweet, treats me well, very nice, takes me out, talks to me all the time but... it's almost like he's too nice? I didn't think such a thing existed. But he's so nice to the point that I know that if we were ever to be in a relationship, I'd be the dominant one, which isn't what I want. But he's sooooo nice. Back rubs, shoulder massages, always comes to see me, calls me, texts me in the morning, ask me how my day was, tells me I'm pretty...

So... why the heck am I not attracted to the guy? He's like... the only non-jerk guy I've met in a long time and there's like next to no attraction. Why? Someone tell me why. I'm annoyed. I prayed for a guy like this and now that he's here, I feel nothing, which annoys the hell out of me.

Updates:
3mo I think I gave the wrong impression. He's not a doormat. He has no problem disagreeing with me or telling me I'm wrong, but other than that, he's not very dominant. He's nice and all, but... I don't know, I like a bit of authority in a man.
3mo Forget it, dude turned out to be a jerk in the end.

0|1
11|24

Most Helpful Guy

  • Some guys are just not very dominant. Especially when pursuing a women because they don't want to scare her off. They are about pleasing her.

    Recently I kind of did the same thing even though I'm a leader. I made several new female friends most are really shy introverts. I befriended them and brought several out of their shells around me. I still got everyone together like normal but when I was with them. I really did not care much what we did. I also usually did not push to hard because of them being socially shy so I let the majority rule. There were some more strong and independent women in the group with them I often held my ground on things. But still I usually did not care where we went or what we did. I was just happy hanging out with them.

    With the nice guys/good guys you need to let them know that you want authority and that it is alright for them to lead you around. Also tell them that you will let them know when you don't want to be lead.

    Often when were younger guys are told and know on certain terms to let the others choose to do stuff most of the time. So we do often when we do act like leaders and ask what people want to do were met with I don't know. Even know I'm still learning how much I can lead and when to let up. Sometime's I'm afraid that if I push someone to do something that they will push back. As it is many of my freinds are just flakes.

    Talk with him about it and let him know that you want him to take charge. While your at it compliment him on the qualities you like in him. Like you enjoy praying with him. Encourage the qualities that you enjoy in him.

    My freind who is a lot like the guy your describing is just not dominant his girl freind wears the pants in their relationship. However he still leads when he needs to but when he does not she can spread him like butter.

    Good luck with your guy I'll be praying for you two.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • When someone is too nice, it's very easy to become suspicious (why is he so nice, no one is that nice? etc.) and therefore become unable to feel that "spark." Personally a guy that did all that for me would make me feel inadequate; I'm not overly sentimental or touchy-feely, so if I guy was that way it just wouldn't work for me. And often the idea of what we want and what we really want are two different things; women think they want the overly doting man, and then he arrives and he's too clingy and sentimental for her.

    Try telling him that he doesn't have to try so hard. If that doesn't help things then don't string him along; if the spark isn't there it's never going to be, and you don't want to hurt him.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 23

  • It's a bit like... honey lemon tea.
    naturehacks.com/.../...ecipe-For-Sore-Throats1.jpg
    You want some lemon slices for the kick , you want some honey to soothe so you get a balanced cuppa.

    Going with someone who's "too nice" is like going.
    "RIGHT! I don't want no lemon no mo!" and just start scooping SPOONFUL of honey into your mouth. It's just sickeningly sweet.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yeah and too many men do it. "Treat em mean to keep em keen" 😉

    As with everything its about balance, too much of a good thing is boring. You want a leader to lead you without being an asshole - for example a guy who wil take your hand and pull you in restaurant he feels is nice and that he knows you'd be at least willing to try, instead of a guy who simply agrees with you about where you want to eat and goes there.

    Women who say they want these guys that have no balance are deluding themselves - as much as men who say they want a nice, quiet, modestly dressed housewife all the time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Perhaps the guy isn't as unassertive as you think. He may not feel he has the right to assert himself in your domain. In doing so he runs the risk of undermining you in front of your kids (if you have any) and children that respect the prominent male in their life will imitate them. If this guy is a father he knows this.
    Did you ever meet him on his turf? (ie: his crib) how was he there?
    How is your life situation otherwise? Health, family, personal perception? I ask because maybe he is allowing and helping you to get your life back to normal without making drastic changes to your home and personal life at a time when your life is upside down.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I've been on the other side of this. Here's the deal: part of that is who he is, a good guy, but the excess is mostly due to a lack of confidence for the most part. He wants to please, and he does, but sexual tension isn't created by being nice per se. Its created by teasing, by confidence, by funny moments and seeing high social value on someone. Being nice just isn't a part of it. Its sad but it's true. He's gonna suffer a lot for a while, but he'll probably come out better than most after some time.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Sometimes we don't get the answer we want from praying. We get what God wants. He sounds like a great guy that many women would jump at the chace to have. Your only issue is his lack of dominance. Sometimes one thing can be a deal killer. My advice would be to do what you know is best for you, not him. A relationship that you go into even though you know it's not what you want leads to resentment and no relationship at all. Be careful.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes. I know this because I used to be THAT guy, the guy who thought that all you had to do was be nice to girls and that was it.

    Don't get me wrong, guys SHOULD treat girls well, but they should also be bold and confident in their pursuit. Often, too many guys are not.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes it is possible. I'll assume you're talking more than just physical attraction. How long have you know the guy? Depending on that, he might not want to scare you off as @Dim_121 said. If it's bee awhile, he might just be that way and that's fine. I know that I'm not naturally a dominant one / personality. I'm also shy and still trying to get over that aspect. As for the introverted part, that's who I'll always be. The point I'm trying to make is this, if you try to change him (or anyone for that matter) of who they are, against their will, you won't like the outcome.

    Do yourself and him a favor and talk to him about it. If you can't do that, you have no business being in a relationship with him.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 3mo

      We aren't in a relationship yet, but physical attraction isn't the problem. The only thing physically I don't like about him is that he has a lazy eye and it's off putting because I can't tell if he's looking at me, but that's not something he can help so it's really whatever. Can't hold against him something he was born with. I'm not a bitch lol. Otherwise, physically, he's pretty nice to look at. I just don't like that I feel if I wanted to run him over and get what I want all the time, he'd let me do it.

      I've been talking to him for several months but we've only been recently hanging out like the last 3 weeks. I asked him if he's dominating at all and he said he is like in the bedroom, so I guess we'll just have to talk about it more when I see him next.

    • 3mo

      Gotcha, good deal. Have you seen him "take charge" anywhere else?

      Keep me posted as I'd like to know how this turns out since I sorta have the same thing

  • Because all he does is give give and give, he never let you have any opportunity to return the favor. At this point, it look like he is your slave instead of your lover. Relationship is about give and take.

    There is no Challenge. No excitement. Nothing to work toward.

    If you are not attractive to the guy, please don't lead him on. I know it feel really good having some poor guy doing all these nice thing to you for free, but just have some mercy on him and don't waste his time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • he is just not your type of guy. we all have different personalities with different attractions.

    one girl will like that kind of guy and the other girl will not.

    don't wish that you should like someone like that because then you will be unhappy

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think there is such a thing as too nice and just because someone is nice doesn't always mean that you will be attracted to them

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe an attentive, good man... just isn't your type.

    0|2
    0|0
  • With far too many women, it just seems to work that way. Annoys the hell out of me too...

    0|0
    0|0
    • 3mo

      You want him to be selfish, egocentric, inconsiderate. Because in your eyes, these things are required for a man do count as 'manly'. You say you "like a bit of authority in a man", yet you also say that he has no problem disagreeing with you or telling you that you're wrong. Just admit what you've all but said outright in the question- you feel next to no attraction to the guy BECAUSE he's the only non-jerk guy you've met in a long time. You feel nothing BECAUSE he's not a jerk, and you'd only feel something for him if he were to become on outright jerk just like all the others, because you're attracted solely to jerks. You want to be dominated- you want to be a man's slave, and to be abused and mistreated like you believe that a true slave should be. And even though he IS dominant and authoritative, he isn't domineering or abusive- he's treating you like an equal, instead of as his property. And you don't like that.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      Uh, okay, so, the things you listed are not things I look for in a man lol. Those a giant turn offs. You don't have to be a dick to be dominant. And @Falloutboy2001 being 15 doesn't mean her opinion isn't valid. Is she a grown woman? Maybe not, but her age doesn't mean she doesn't have any experience and possibly no good advice.

      You sound bitter. You need to go work those issues out somewhere that's not G@G.

    • 3mo

      I'm not little nor am I full grown but I sure as hell know what I want.

      And yes, I will be able to and yes I will want to. I've been treated like crap before and I don't need someone who supposedly "loves" me to treat me badly

  • Are you not attracted to him physically? Or only not emotionally? He probably really likes you and is afraid if he's too assertive it'll scare you off. Maybe try telling him you want to see him asset himself or be authoritative.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Maybe he's not attractive?
    Maybe he isn't really what you really want?

    0|0
    0|0
  • sometimes I feel like I'm a bit too nice.

    my sister broke up with a guy because he was too nice...

    0|0
    0|0
  • yeah his dial is apparently toward the doormat end too much for you. Maybe ask him to be more dominant but not so much he's an asshole?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Lol this is why guys shouldn't be 'nice'. Dude sounds annoying and passive.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 3mo

      i disagree because some girls don't like aggressive men.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      there are some girls that like to control their boyfriends and i am sure you have met some controlling girls out there

    • 3mo

      @chriss They are the minority. Even a woman who takes control of the whole relationship... she will not respect her partner who just fully submits to that. Women saying they don't like aggressive dominant men is mostly a fabricated lie as long as it's not over bearing. Same with women saying they just want a 'nice guy' and this is a perfect example.

  • Nice guys don't make a vagina tingle. Just the way it is.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nice guys finish last 👌🏼
    Go with the drug dealers. They will treat u right.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Maybe he's not the right guy for you? Regardless if he's too nice?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes its possible and i mess up with the girl i like because looks like i was to nice...

    0|0
    0|0
  • Being too nice isn't showing masculinity. Therefore you're not attracted to him.

    0|0
    0|0

1 private opinion(s)
Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more

What Girls Said 10

  • Its not about feelings! If your interested in this person then start pursuing him. How can he be too nice if it sounds like he's not the kind of guy for you, because your used to the guys you've been dating? You wouldn't know unless you take a shot and find out more about him before you write him off.

    0|1
    0|0
    • 3mo

      Update

      @Asker He can not show that he's dominant, a leader with some kind of authority if he's not in a relationship with you. Sounds like he is just being a friendly guy who really gives a crap about what you think. Otherwise, why would he be blunt and honest with you when your wrong? Most guys wouldn't even do that just to impress and keep the girl.

  • Is it because he's a doormat? It's hard to respect a guy who puts you on a pedestal. You want a guy who's your friend and partner, not a guy who does whatever you want. I get it.

    I highly respect compassion and kindness in a person, but they also have to respect themselves.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 3mo

      it's not her type of guy but trust me that some girls do want to be in control and control the guy. i know some girls that control their boyfriends. it really depends on the individual

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      @SinghSong you are going after the wrong girls trust me there are girls that like to be treated like a princess. getting a girlfriend can be very hard because you can get rejected over 100 times before you find the right one. if you want to attract these girls and change for someone else then you will be very unhappy. all the guys you see getting girls all the time are very unhappy because they are not themselves. i can change myself into something else just too attract a girl but it's not worth it. you should be yourself and keep on trying until someone accepts you for who you are

    • 3mo

      Oh I see.

      OP, I would try this: tell him to plan a date. He's not allowed to ask you what you want to do; he has to make all the decisions and show you a good time. Just to see if he has it in him to be authoritative.

      Maybe he just simply isn't the right guy for you. But I wouldn't give up on him just yet. A genuinely good and kind man is hard to come by.

  • If all is legit... Give me his number.

    0|3
    0|0
  • Yes.
    If he is passive and just agrees with anything you say, just because you say it. He is too 'nice'. But nice isn't the correct word there…
    I like someone who stands their ground, willing to disagree but talk it out and just be his own person.
    I don't want a dependent guy. I don't want to be his mother lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well looks wise you just not into him and its better to be honest with yourself and him. Then to date him and the attraction is still not there. That will just hurt knowing girlfriend doesn't find you attracted. I say don't waste your and his time, move on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah, when someone needs validation all the damn time and always does what you want rather than doing what he wants.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes, and it's annoying when they are.

    0|0
    1|0
  • No, my crush is the nicest guy I've ever met. He's also a very aggressive and dominant man. I love how he balance these traits. Oh and he's gorgeous that's just a plus lol good personality plus good looks 😍

    0|0
    0|0
  • This is possible

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe, the chemistry isn't there.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...