I think I like a guy in prison?

So last year I met him through a prison pen-pal website (yes, i admit i was kind of lonely at that time), and we have been writing each other for about a year now. The difference is that now I'm in the best moment of my life; i'm happier, healthier, sociable than ever and my mindset is in peace, finally. I have a developed a huge soft spot for him, he's 3 years older than me and has 2 more years in prison. He's a really good guy, and very smart and determined (he's actually taking university courses there). My question is: do you think is possible to be in an actual real relationship once he gets out? (of course not right after), do we really have a chance? or should i just keep with the flirting but without going beyond that? and what's your opinion in all this?

*we have never meet in person (we live in different states)

Updates:
3mo he's in there for selling drugs

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes you can actually have a great relationship with him as long as you learn about recediism. A lot of men in prisons have an exceptional heart not like those out side. Knowing how to deal with his release and after in his recidism is the key.

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    • 3mo

      Yes! the good thing is that he's actually in a ''good'' prison, so he's doing a lot of things and getting higher education. I think that helps, and of course like you said, dealing with his release in the best way possible is the key to keep him on track

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    • 3mo

      @ProbablyTooMature Im not even answer a curve ball like you.

    • 3mo

      Curve ball must have a different prison meaning than real world meaning.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Keep it tame until he gets out and live your life. Meet other guys and do your thing. If when he gets out you both still want that relationship then you can see about it. But until then do not put your life on hold for him. If he asks you to then that isn't right. Also when he does get out be safe.

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    • 3mo

      this sounds like a very smart thing to do. and yeah I would never put my life on hold and I don't think he would ask it tbh. I think that with a conversation we can get to an agreement that works for both. Well, and I guess that it's easier saying it than actually doing it, because if I really fall for him, I don't know...

    • 3mo

      Okay well definitely try your best.

What Guys Said 15

  • I think you should put your emotions to the side for a bit. Why is he in prison, when does he come out, are you genuinely growing in trust for him? When all's said and done, as someone with so much going for you you could have many options, so make an informed choice...

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  • How does "a really good guy" end up in prison?

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  • NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

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  • Ask him more about how he feels about going to prison. Figure out if he's a criminal or not at heart. If he's not and maybe he's just made some poor life choices, you could have a chance with him.

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    • 3mo

      I have, and he says that he just used the easy way to get money, but that now he learned the lesson and that of course, is not worth it. but he's trying to make the best out of everything so that's why he's taking all these courses and joining all these sport programms, etc. he's actually very excited about the future.

    • 3mo

      Sounds very good actually. Maybe a little too good, if you're feeling paranoid. He might become disheartened later that his criminal record is keeping him from a good job or if money is otherwise tight. I hate to be the pessimist but I wouldn't be serious with him in the near future. That's just me, I could be in the minority here.

    • 3mo

      I liked your answer. And yeah, you're right about that possible struggle for getting a good job. But the good thing is that he has a LOT of support from his family and close friends, so at least he's not alone. And I think he's smart enough to make right choices now, because he will know that he was incarcerated while he was on his 'best years' (the 20's) and probably won't want to do any more time, ever again.

  • This is out of the scope of my expertise but have you thought that he is probably showing you only his good side? Or maybe just acting it out? I mean yes maybe after prison he is a changed man but how can you know?

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    • 3mo

      that's an option, but my intuition tell me that he's actually a good person at heart but, as someone said here, made poor choices to get money easily.

    • 3mo

      Hmm he might be.. But also, what if he still has to finish some business he started but did not finish before he went to prison? What about some bad people he is involved with? Is he qualified for a good job afterwards? Is it really worth the risk? You should know that when you actually fall for him, there is no turning back.

    • 3mo

      Yeah, it's a possibility that he actually might have pending business, and all of what you said tbh. I guess it's really important to be cold minded when it comes to deciding these stuff, thank you :)

  • he's a good guy. He sold drugs 😂😂😂😂😂

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  • So what's he in for?

    I wish i could put money on it but this will absolutely blow up in you face.

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  • Why is he in prison 😶?

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  • first of all what kinds of drugs was he selling?

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    • 3mo

      weed and molly mostly

    • 3mo

      ok then this is not bad, if he was a meth, crack dealer (you get the point) then I would tell you it is best to stay away because he did not care about peoples health. Selling drugs like those are different though, so if he is really trying to leave his past behind him, and you are seriously willing to wait 2 years and make that commitment than yes, I can see no problem with this. I dont even think he deserves a jail sentence for that long selling virtually harmless substances

    • 3mo

      yeah! I wouldn't get involved with something selling those kind of drugs. Thank you for your answer :)

  • What are your other options like?

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    • 3mo

      mm be his friend I guess?

  • I think you took the"I like bad boys"thing a little to far😂😂

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  • Wtf...

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  • then he doesn'tdeserve to date.

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  • Careful! These guys want to lure you in so you put money on their books. Also, later, they could use you for a place to live and source of income.

    Some people CAN reform and be good people. Just don't be naive.

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    • 3mo

      yeah I would neeever send him any money and he would never ask either, but yes I've heard of soo many cases where guys and girls in prison use people from the outside to get what they want.

    • 3mo

      Cool deal. Glad you prepared myself.

  • lmao you truly are the definition of clueless

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    • 3mo

      noo that's why i'm asking!

What Girls Said 6

  • I would say it's best to keep this casual, and I honestly wouldn't recommend pursuing him after he's been released. For the most part, people who sell drugs (especially at an early age) are impressionable or trying to make end's meet and are considerably harmless. But there are the select few that are hardened by it and could even be dangerous. Prison changes people, and it's usually not for the better.
    Do you even know what this guy looks like? I've never heard of a prison pen-pal website, but it sounds a little questionable to me. Kind of like online dating predators.
    If you ever do decide to meet this guy upon his release, I'd absolutely recommend you do it in a very public area with a close friend by your side. If he seems genuine and you feel that there's a connection, then you could possibly pursue it further. I honestly think you're more infatuated with the idea of him than actually romantically interested. Just be careful.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you! and you would be impressed of how much prisoner pen-pals websites are out there, it's like really a 'thing'! i didn't know also until last year. So yeah, you can verify all the information on the prison website. I also have him on facebook (that is runned by a family member now) so I have saw all the pictures and posts from like 2011 haha, and he really gives me a 'good vibe'. And the last part of what you said, you may be right... maybe I'm idealising him. So that's why I want to go really slow, and don't make any decision based on a hunch. So i'm gonna be careful :) thanks again

    • 3mo

      No problem. Best of luck!

  • Hmm. I'm gonna say no. He may have "changed" from the time that he was initially incarcerated, but from a psychological standpoint, he hasn't changed and won't.

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  • Ok like, are u being serious? He's in prison... He's a convicted felon. Once he gets out of prison that label isn't gonna go away.

    He had 2 years left in prison... a lot can happen in two years. A lot. You've never even met him in person... people can be way different in person than who you were expecting when you put their picture together in your head.

    You don't even live in the same state as him... have you ever been in a ldr? They're extremely difficult and I would even go as far as to say they aren't worth it. He's talking to you now but think about it. You're probably the only female in his life right now. When he gets out, that may no longer be the case, especially with the distance. Youd never know if he had cheated

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    • 3mo

      yeah i know :/ and as you said, like I might really fall for him because 2 years is a lot of time, and then when he's released things might not turn out how I imagine. I've watched videos of him so at least I have an idea of how he is. The distance, yes, is a problem. But I could move to another state because I'm in the one I'm now only because I go to university here, and have 2 years left actually. but yeaaah, a lot of things to consider... thank you

  • You dont need to waste years of your life on someone who doesn't value it

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  • A few things to consider: having been convicted of a felony will affect his entire life. If you are a couple, it will affect yours, too. It's unfair, but it's a fact of life. Most landlords will not rent to a convicted felon, and most employers will not hire one. So unless you already own your own home and are independently wealthy and therefore will never need him to work, you might want to re-consider. Being with a felon will haunt you and make your life incredibly difficult in so many ways. Just something to consider.

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    • 3mo

      mmmh.. i guess i haven't thought a lot about that fact. definitely something to consider! thank you

  • um I think you're in love with the bad boy fantasy. Lol have you ever even met him? People in person are completely different in writing

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