Obsessive behaviour regarding boyfriend or normal?

I have been in a relationship with a guy for 4 months and I think I am falling in love with him. We had some rocky patches in the beginning in terms of managing expectations and understanding each other but things are so much better now. My boyfriend is studying for some exams that happen in December and is busy with his studying sometimes although he does try and take out time to meet me once in a week.
The problem is that whenever he refuses to meet me, it makes me feel very insecure and bothers me to no extent, I want to be around him all the time. Moreover, he is not the most communicative person and is emotionally distant and moody. There are days when he is expressive and talks about things and then days when he just listens to me talk and does not want to say anything. This behaviour also makes me feel extremely insecure although he has told me that he wants to be with me but I wish he would take more initiative to spend time with me and also to talk to me. He does not like talking on the phone or texting so much so us not meeting implies very sporadic communication between us.
I obsess about every small thing he does all the time and he seems to have taken over my life while I seem to be a very small part of his. I really am trying to make changes to my lifestyle but it isn't working and if he does not text/call for one day it makes my day horrible.
Is this normally what people go through or is this too much obsession for a relationship this young? We haven't yet got to that point where are talking about love but I feel like I am falling in love with him and it really scares me because it seems to be a mistake. Will my obsession only increase as the time passes or is this something which is temporary? Also how do I learn to manage my expectations or should I take a break from him?


Most Helpful Girl

  • This sounds like more of an issue on your end than his. He is already making time in his schedule for you, right? You might need to put in some work to discover why you are feeling so insecure. Seeing a counselor or therapist could really help in that effort. It could be partly due to a history of abandonment or cheating, or how you view yourself (do you deserve to be happy). No amount of attention or comfort from him will make you feel truly safe and loved, that needs to come from within yourself. If you continue on this path of insecurity you will probably wind up pushing him away and creating your worst fears, despite his care for you.

    Personally I prefer to touch base with a SO everyday, but a skipped day doesn't ruin anything. I can wait till the weekend when we can actually spend quality time rather than quick distracted texts. Though each couple is different.
    Figure out what is driving your insecurity, and what exactly you need from him. Then the two of you can communicate more effectively.

    Good luck!

    • 1mo

      Thanks a lot for the reply. I have been thinking along the same lines and I do not understand where the insecurity comes from and I do think I need some help for that.
      I like touching base with him everyday and he is pretty accommodating of that even if we speak for 5 minutes. I guess I need to make some changes to my behavior if I want this one to last which I do. Thank you again :)

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