How Do You Cope With Knowing You'll Never Have A Successful Relationship?

Just wondering, how do you get over it?

Updates:
3mo Dude, it's just a question, I'm not asking this about myself, it's just for people who genuinely feel that way. Good gravy...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • What? That's it? You just give up like that? Unless you have a medical condition which has left you severely physically deformed, you have no excuse. Is that what you do in life? Cry about things like a little baby, give up, and then ask questions on a random site filled with people who hardly know anything about relationships just so they can pet your ego and tell you that everything is fine and agree with you? Way to show character, no wonder you're in the situation you're in right now.
    How about you stop crying about it and start working on improving yourself so you can become the best version of you, a version that will get guys interested. Do something productive that will solve your problem and not something that will temporarily make you feel better. Love doesn't come to you and land on your lap, it takes work. The work is personal growth and keeping your eyes open. Are you unattractive? Go to the gym and get a killer body, don't be lazy. Are you too shy? Get over it and talk to people, ANYONE. Work your way up and things that seemed difficult in the past will seem like the norm in the future. Life isn't easy, life is a cold hearted bitch that will swallow you and spit you whole if you let it get to you. So stop with this stupid, yes stupid, and weak attitude and do something about it. Take it one step at a time, give yourself a small goal everyday and work your way up from there. Stop believing in what you can't do and concentrate on what you can do. You do you and worry about nothing else until you're a happy person. It's only when you love yourself that others can love you as well. Seriously how do you expect someone else to love you if you don't love yourself? If you did love yourself you'd want to best for you and not settle for a miserable life. So start loving yourself and who you are and work on making yourself happier and the version of you that you always dream about. Yes it will be difficult in the begging, but the longer you keep at it the easier it will get. So get yourself out of this rut and go for a walk. Look around and take in all the beauty in the world.
    So stop being such a little bitch.

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    • 3mo

      I liked what you said but that was unnecessarily harsh 🙁

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    • 3mo

      That was an answer, I don't know how I could have made it any simpler. That's what people feeling down like that need, a good kick in the bum to get them back on their feet. I'm not going to spoon feed them what they want to hear because that's going to get them no where but deeper in their depression. It's funny how people get super upset for things like this when in reality they don't really give a rats ass because they're too busy trying to figure out their own lives. If people truly cared the world would be a much different place (obviously there's aways exceptional people). They need to learn that the world is not going to stop just to help them because they're feeling down, no it's going to continue to beat them even harder because they're down. They need to figure out how to help themselves and there's no way to sugarcoat that lesson.

    • 3mo

      also I have a question, how do you deal with your girlfriend cheating on you?

Most Helpful Girl

  • by playing videogamez a lot

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    • 3mo

      @DooMguy you know what? You're absolutely right. I think I'll go buy Doom 3 right now. I'm gonna make you proud one day DooMguy... one day.

    • 3mo

      Yeah keep working at it, you've got a long way to go. Maybe you'll be waifu material next year

      P. S. Doom 3 redux is what you want

What Guys Said 43

  • Just think: your special someone out there is probably thinking the exact same thing at this moment, wondering why nothing is working. He (or she, no assumptions!) just hasn't met you yet! You're going to go through a lot of bad apples before you find that ripe one. From all this you can gather that you need to see some bad before you truly know what good is. Live your life, learn to find happiness in your own pursuits, and do what makes YOU happy. Date, have fun, and don't take things too seriously: someone who loves you will learn to accept you as you are (regardless of quirks, stresses, and minor incompatibilities). That someone special will add to your personal happiness, not detract and demand away from it. It will be that person that you may end up spending the rest of your adult life with.

    As a final note, the most empowering thing you can discover is that you don't really need to rely on another person to truly be happy! Find hobbies that really fascinate you and that you can focus your time and attention on. Talk to your friends and make new ones on the side (more social connections = greater chance of meeting someone too if you look at it that way). Go on small trips to places you've never been before and try exotic foods on your own budget. You're single, you're free, and the world is all yours for the time being: so embrace that! :)

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    • 3mo

      No, there's no special someone waiting our there for you..

  • You can't possibly know that! You are 26 with a long time to go. I don't know any background so It's hard for me to say much else. Try to quit over thinking it. That always makes things seem much worse than they are. I hope you get out of the rut you are in. It's counterproductive and is holding you back is more ways than you realize.

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  • The same way I cope with having pretty much no friends - by ignoring the fact all together and focusing on the few good things I have. I mean, sure, I'll probably end up all alone when I'm older... but at least I'll have Skyrim to play... so there's that...

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  • You stop bitching, stop creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and learn what it means to have a positive mindset and to grow as a person.

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  • No one knows the future.

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  • I try not to think about it.

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  • I cry sometimes
    When I'm lyin' in bed
    Just to get it all out
    What's in my head
    And I, I'm feeling a little peculiar

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  • You can't know that but if u keep thinking like that then u r probably pushing urself to not to have a serious relationship ever. It's part you who's supposed to handle the responsibility to make the relationship work so be positive.

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  • You just do, you go on, I've never dated, never been successful with women. Nowadays I just do t give a shit, if it happened it happens

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  • You instrospect. You analyze your beliefs and perceptions. You take a good look at yourself physically. You conclude that you need to improve certain things, and will make effort to improve others. You realize how to do it. You simply do it. And then you do you.

    When you find yourself in the crossroads again, repeat the process.

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  • What makes you so sure of that?

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  • A prescription anti-depressant called Avanza usually helps.

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  • I doubt that. But if ur 100% sure then u gotta accept it and change ur lifestyle to adapt. For example: stop focusing on making relationships successful and instead focus on working or studying or whatevs

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    • 3mo

      Yes, this. Once you give up, you ask yourself if there is anything else in life that you want to do. If there isn't, call your doctor because you have a depression problem. Life has LOTS to offer! Make a bucket list and start making plans! If you can't make a relationship successful, focus on areas where you can succeed.

  • I don't know,
    Honestly, it scares me the thought that it might happen to me,
    I'd rather die than grow old all by myself and honestly,
    I'm planning for that possibility, I'll probably take my life once I become sure there is no one for me

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  • How do you know?

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  • I'm so ugly that no women are attracted to me at all, so I'll never have a relationship at all, let alone a successful one.

    I don't really have a useful answer other than try not to focus on it. The more time I spend trying to meet women the more depressed I become about being completely incapable of doing that.

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  • How do you know? I think having this attitude is bad, and is a self fulfilling prophecy

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  • Don't feel bad😊i know it doesn't sound easy but you need to get your mind off of it, get new hobbies that will help😊don't drink tho😱it's unhealthy and will do damage in the long term

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  • I just enjoy it while it lasts then move on knowing that sooner or later another girl will show up in my life

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  • Well, being a pessimist certainly doesn't help. I personally don't know if I will have a successful relationship or not. But I know I'd work at it, if necessary. I can't guarantee that it will be successful, but I will try to make it work.

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  • Knowing? How can anyone know what the future brings?
    Anyway I can't answer your question because I'm in a successful relationship

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  • I don't believe that

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  • How do you know that you never would?

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  • Might I ask why you're thinking like this?

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  • Ice cream

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  • I really dont care lol after my babys mom things just never been the same for me so i dont even try

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  • I ask myself "why not?"

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  • And why would you think that to begin with?

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  • Hope is a great thing my friend, dont loose it

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  • thats a stupid assumption to make,.. you never know what lies ahead

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What Girls Said 27

  • how about stop repeating the same mistakes you always keep on doing in every past relationship that you had and learn from them? it says a whole lot about you as a person if you can't even acknowledge that you have a problem. You can't keep on blaming all your mistakes on your ex's when you both are equally as responsible for what happened for that relationship to fail. that is not maturity that is stagnation. until you learn to learn the reason why your relationship keep on failing with every single one of those ex's, or wither they were your lovers or somebody you just hooked up with; you will continue to go through that never-ending cycle until you learn to break it. no offense and all that but there really is no excuse.

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    • 3mo

      Um... okay, nothing you said was even mentioned in the question I asked lol and you don't know me enough to know what I do and do not do in my relationships nor do you really know why I asked the question. If you noticed, I never said I thought this about myself. I just wondered how people in general cope when they know they'll never have a successful relationship.

      You're comment says a lot about you as a person. No offense.

    • 3mo

      @EllieLexis513

      What I wrote was not directed at you. It was directed to whoever had the problem. You had asked a very good question and I wanted to point that out because we have than enough people who go through that.

  • first, you have to question your relationship: are you happy with your partner, do you see yourself (in the future, having an apartment together and if it's serious, build a family together) with him/her... etc. When you're pass these questions, that's when you judge and come to a conclusion: either you both are happy, therefore it's "successful" or something's wrong and you're not feeling the relationship: "not so successful relationship". In that case, you talk about it with your partner, and sort things out and if it's not really working then it means you have to break apart because it's not benefit for you or the partner. And in that case, put in mind that it was one of the many experiences, and you'Re probably going to find a person that will make you happy and will turn into a successful relationship!

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  • I build up my satisfaction and energy in other areas. Not just distractions, like books and movies, but big "meaning of life" higher consciousness stuff.

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  • I'm learning to be at peace with it. I don't think there is someone for everyone, I think some people are destined to be alone. Some animals don't mate for life, some just wander around on their own forever. I'm an okapi.

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  • It depends on why I know this?

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  • Here’s a test: what’s going on in your life right now? What are you looking forward to in the near future?

    Are you travelling somewhere interesting? Learning to scuba dive? Writing a book? Dancing in front of a crowd? How about giving blood, starting a business, helping homeless people, making a billion dollars or juggling knives?

    When your overall life is awesome, your attraction rises. Your confidence, and understanding, and imagination and humility and empathy and a million other skills all increase. You become more interesting. You become more unique. And you will almost certainly be happier, even when you don’t have a partner.

    A surprisingly large number of my friends found their spouses by volunteering in the developing world. In what might seem like the least likely place imaginable they found other awesome people who were doing the same. They mixed up their jellybeans and made their life awesome all in one.

    Paradoxically, one of the best things to do to improve your dating success is not focus on dating. Live awesome first. And don’t be afraid to mix up your jellybeans.
    You’ve got a great product (that’s you!) – but you need to get in front of buyers to sell it. Even if you’re super fit, smart, funny, successful supermodel who’s just won a Nobel Prize, that doesn’t do you a lot of good if you live alone in the woods.

    Meeting the same people won’t expand your pool. Getting drunk won’t expand your pool. Try a new hobby. Join a club. Travel the world. Move to a new city. Sign up for speed and online dating. These things are literally multipliers for the number of people you meet, and therefore for your success. Not all of them will work, but that’s not a reason not to try.

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  • But you don't *know* that for a fact unless you're lying on your death bed and it never happened.

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  • Well... I mean I HAVE been with my boyfriend for almost a year now...

    So imma say you are wrong for insinuating that my relationship is not successful.

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    • 3mo

      I'm going to say you don't understand the question because that has nothing to do with what I asked.

      Plus, you're 18. Very rarely do relationships last for life that are started before their mid 20's. A one year relationship doesn't mean squat actually, that's pretty short.

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    • 3mo

      That's not insinuating anything because that isn't true, my own parents have been married 32 years, so I'd say that's successful.

      I think you just wanted to announce to people that you were in a relationship lol

    • 3mo

      ... I will neither confirm nor deny that... haha

  • I'm still trying to cope with the fact that I will never have a relationship at all.

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  • I'm so emotionally unavailable that I've just accepted I probably never will. It doesn't bother me so much anymore because I try not to think about it. So maybe try not putting so much importance on being in a relationship?

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  • That's very pessimistic and all relationships will be doomed if you think like that.

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    • 3mo

      Or all relationships are doomed no matter what she does. ;)

    • 3mo

      It's not necessarily the case but a possibility. Some people are just bad at relationships. To get them to work, they would have to purchase a new personality and trade in some deeply held personal values. Speaking as someone who has struggled myself, I can totally understand someone who gives up.

  • did you see in a crystal ball?

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  • You just say "fuck it" and then stop caring.

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    • 3mo

      I have found reversing the order also works - I stop caring, then it is easier to say "fuck it."

  • never say never...
    relationship is hard work from both sides
    who keep having a bad relationship need to look at their own behaviour

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  • You don't know that. You're only 26. I wouldn't say I've had a very functional long term relationship either, but you never know what the future holds

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    • 3mo

      Never indicated the question was about me either so...

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    • 3mo

      I guess I didn't think the question through because I didn't think so many people thought I was talking about myself lol

    • 3mo

      Haha yeah you probably should've clarified that. But it's whatever. It's just one question.

  • I don't really know anyone that does. Either they have tons, or they stay together but there's tons of drama.

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  • Buy a vibrator

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  • I plan on cohabitating with 9 dogs

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  • Stop trying to have a relationship but stay open. If you say you won't have a successful relationship then people will believe you and never try.

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  • By stop being so damn negative and working on the problem

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  • Here's how: get out of that mindset and get into a successful one

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  • Change your words, change your life. You will receive what you believe. Tell yourself what you truly want on a daily basis, until one day you wake up with what you've proclaimed daily. It's hard, but trust me, it's worth it.

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  • I feel the same way

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  • Why would you know that now? You never know what will happen in the future.

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  • You;probably will.

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  • I just move onto more important things in life.

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