Why can't people not be honest from the very start?

You exchange numbers and the first message is so we going to get naked. im not getting any younger but I have more respect for myself than to sleep with someone before even went on a date with them. I then thinking up a million ways to say not interested you're not my type or could just ignore them.

i often wonder if that's the reason I'm single is it because I won't sleep with a man first? I do have kids though I make it clear I don't want a daddy figure for them as they already have a dad, but at the weekends I'd love to go on a date.. I would be the happiest woman in the world if one man said to me- lets go out and do something, but none say that at all. That's quite sad. I like to give people chances I look beyond looks I'd rather get to know someone before having sex with them then I see their looks and think wow you are repulsive and ugly I wouldn't shag you if you paid me a million pounds, because they didn't give me a chance to know them they are only interested in one thing and I bet they think the same but just seeking out easy targets such as single mums for the deed.

Does this happen to anyone else? Or is it just me..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • in my opinion, part of the reason is that YOU may not be being totally honest from the very start.

    Granted, if you are meeting people on the street or otherwise in person as you go about your day, you can't always start every discussion with your wants and desires for a relationship, but, say, if you are meeting them online, then you'll have some kind of a profile where you can say "Look, if you're just looking for sex, look elsewhere, as I don't have sex outside of a committed relationship." That won't get rid of every guy (some won't read, some will read but either won't believe you or will think that they can convince you, and some are just stupid), but it will get rid of most of them, and help keep you from wasting your time. For the others, again, make it clear on the first date (early on) what you expect, and you'll minimize wasted time. Do NOT let yourself get attached to anyone until you've had this conversation.

    Something you have to realize and accept: single guys are horny and want sex, and some of them are DESPERATE for it, and will say or do anything if they think it will help them get laid. Nothing you or I or anyone can do will change that, SO you have to factor it in. Further, understand that, for every one girl a guy is interested in having a relationship with, there are at least 10 others that he finds attractive (meaning: wants sex with) that he has zero interest in having a relationship with.

    This means that YOUR job is to FILTER GUYS OUT based on your criteria, whatever they are. And THAT means that eliminating guys isn't a failure - it means your filters are doing their job and separating the guys you want from all the others. And, YES, that means you're going to have to eliminate some VERY ATTRACTIVE guys - guys you really like or want to like - because they don't want what you want. ACCEPT THAT, and the whole thing gets much, much easier.

    Don't take it personally that so many guys just want sex with you - that simply means you're physically attractive, and that they are just looking for casual sex. That's it - there are no negative judgements against you, so don't take it personally.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I imagine that it happens to more people than you think. People can easily get sex nowadays. Finding someone good to date requires a lot of time and energy though.

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What Guys Said 10

  • i think it can be hard to find people interested in long term relationships especially in the conventional places people often go to meet people. that's why i resorted to online dating. i didn't stop trying to find people in the traditional ways but liked knowing there was an option to try and find people with the same goals and intentions as me

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    • 3mo

      It's hard for a woman in her 30s to find someone that cares about her even harder a woman in her 30s with a kid with aspergers... I want more than being someone's fb... I thought if I respected myself men would respect me but if anything they find out I've not slept with a man for over 3 years it becomes a game to them.. they lose because I'm not givin it away to people that don't care or like me

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    • 3mo

      Not that I'm typin men avoid women with I'll kids Becos if it was other way round I'd avoid it too.. but it's so sad that nobody take the time to kno me as a person.. such a nice person at that cares for others but I keep optimistic that what I didn't have I won't miss..

    • 3mo

      where do you typically go to look for potential relationships? maybe you just need to try different avenues of meeting men

  • I think you're protesting too much about 'not looking for a dad'.

    You have a child.

    People could easily be a friends with benefits with you and your child wouldn't matter.

    Or... You could date someone seriously and they'd be involved in your child's life. The in between stage is what's messy with kids. You want a real relationship. Be up front about it.

    Your best bet is probably single dads or divorced men. Some of them live kids but may not want new babies - they may prefer a woman who likes kids but doesn't want - more - kids.

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    • 3mo

      Eh I didn't put that down but I ask a guy if he has kids first and if he says yes then we get chatting.. men with no kids I understand so I let them go because I know deep down I don't want any more children-- it's the guys with kids that's the worst of them all

  • Being a single mother means a large percentage of guys will not be interested in dating you. This will include plenty of men who would otherwise love to take you out and romance you properly, but the kids are an instant dealbreaker for them. The remainder will contain quite a few creeps who figure you're desperate enough to go for their sleazy requests.

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  • His first message is when are we having sex basically? They just want sex they don't want a relationship if this is happening. Trust your judgment.

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  • Some people are concerned that too much interest will scare the person off, would rather "rope them in" slowly.

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  • Its better to say no if a guy is just seeking sex right away but if your not looking for a father figure i dont see why your even worried about sex. If you told me your not looking for a father figure for your children i would assume your not inviting me into your life ,

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    • 3mo

      My kids are older my oldest is 14 my youngest is 10.. in not stupid as older kids don't take to their parents partners as well as young kids do.. understand a bit? what man would want to be about a stroppy teen ESP one with aspergers? So I tell them straight as my way of being honest to them.. if we get on great then u progress to meeting.. but way I am beginnin to believ that to the opposite sex I'm nothing more than trash to be dumped after a night..

  • Is it just me or is anyone else thinking the guy was being honest?

    I think the both of you were having different "expectations" when exchanging numbers.

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  • At what point is the "very start"? It sounds like they're being very honest on the first date. You might not like what they want, but they seem to be very honest about it.

    What are they saying before that? An exchange of numbers is not a universal sign that both parties want a period of romance before getting physical.

    What are you offering men? Where are you picking them up? You may be using the wrong bait for the fish you want. Perhaps you're fishing in the wrong spot.

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  • You need to put out faster. The Wall is directly in front of you. Gotta nail down that Beta-wallet as soon as you can.

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  • Ever miss the days when men courted women... were actually respectful... gone are those days. You see after feminism men realized that women are no longer interested in families and pursue their careers... so we just view women for sex. Honestly its going to be extremely difficult to find that man you are looking for... most get taken by girls early on and are already married.

    Welcome to the new dating world. It sucks doesn't it, this is what happens when people play with natural roles. Ill get hate for my post... but so be it. It will only get worse. There's a slim chance you will find a guy who is going to respect you. Today is all about having sex.

    Goodluck

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    • 3mo

      Feminists wanted to be like men lol. Now we have women "dating like a guy" (stupid ass tabloid on Taylor Swift) perfect example, my aunt used to get guys to buy her expensive dinners in her prime and now settled down with some dude who barely had a pot to piss in smh. Now that they have a kid its almost always about money...
      They can't play the game better... Oh well.

    • 3mo

      All I read in the paper is new strains of chlymidia and syphilis can u blame me for not wanting sex with men unless trust them?

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