My boyfriend and I don't agree on what true commitment is. Help?

My parents don't like my boyfriend, so I've had to hide it and lie about it in order to be with him. I don't want to lie and hide anymore, and I don't want to go against my parents anymore because it's putting a strain in my relationship with them. My boyfriend thinks I should be willing to risk it all to be with him - including my relationship with my parents. He thinks that because I'm not okay with lying about it anymore, that it means I'm not committed enough and that "I clearly don't love him".

He says you're supposed to risk it all for the one you love - I can understand that mentality, but what about the part where people are absolutely foolish in the name of love? What happened to logic, to common sense? I love him, and I do not think he has a right to say otherwise just because we might break up so my relationship with my parents is no longer strained.

Also, he's made comments before saying if I loved him enough then I would have sex (I'm saving that for marriage). So I hope that kind of helps you guys to understand his mentality on love - if you love someone enough, you should be willing to go against morals, boundaries and goals you've set for yourself. But I think it's a load of crap. Any input?

I know there will probably be comments about where my parents fit into all of this. I know exactly what I'm dealing with when it comes to that, so I'd appreciate if replies were based on how my boyfriend is handling this - because THAT is what I need help with. Thank you!


What Guys Said 1

  • I can understand both sides. Saying that if you love him you'll have sex with him, now THAT'S manipulation.

    Think about your relationship and decide if he is worth it. If he's not worth it and you break up with him then I believe that it's true, you don't love him, because you wouldn't break up with someone you love.

    I was in the same situation. My girlfriend had to hide me from her parents. She felt overwhelmed with guilt but we loved each other. She eventually couldn't take the guilt anymore so she came clean with her parents. It was a difficult road because she lost their trust and at that point they hated me. Overtime they learned to trust again and accept our relationship, they got to know me as a person. It was hard but we had each other. We are still going strong.

    • 1mo

      Thank you for your reply. I understand what you're saying. There's more to the situation that I didn't want to have to go into, but I'll briefly summarize and then hopefully I could have your input with that in mind as well?

      My parents are afraid he'll be a huge emotional stress while I'm in school (I already came clean about it) and decided that if I stay with him, then they'll pull me out. There's more than that and I understand why they're saying it. But they also said that if they found out I kept our romance going while I'm away at school, then I'm done and they'll pull me out. We have family friends, one of them who's in my year at my school, and I'll be with her a lot... So she'll eventually find out if my boyfriend comes to see me or vice versa.

      I told my boyfriend that I can't afford to lose school. I love him and I want to be with him so badly, but I'm walking on such a thin line. And he expects me to risk school by further lying. I don't know what to think or do.

What Girls Said 2

  • Your boyfriend, whether he knows it or not, is manipulating you. Don't listen to him and follow your heart. I guarantee you, there is more than one person out there that you can be happy with. If he loved you he would respect your values. There should be compromise for sure, but never should you be asked to compromise your morals and\or values.

  • I am sorry, but I have to agree with your boyfriend. Lying to your parents about your boyfriend is wrong. You're an adult, your parents should respect your decisions no matter how much they dislike them. Lying to them will not lead you anywhere. Imagine the roles reversed. How would it make you feel if your boyfriend kept lying to your parents about you?