My boyfriend isn't authentic?

Hey guys, so i've been going out with this guy for 5 months now but we were friends for a long time before. He's a great boyfriend, treats me well, is respectful, supportive and kind. We fit well together and I love him. The only thing is, I'm good at reading people and I feel like I know how and who he is, but he will lie about how and who he is. He isn't authentic with me or others for that matter. For example he'll say how in highschool he was popular, even though I know that's not true (I wasn't either and he knows that). Or he lied about having a girlfriend before me (which I understand to an extend since we are both 23 and he was, I'm guessing, embarrassed). I struggle with social anxiety and he knows this and I can tell he also struggles with being anxious around others, it's obvious. But he'll act like he has 0 problems with anxiety or nervousness around others. Or he'll say how isn't shy at all, when he clearly is. I'm not saying he has to be all emotional with me or talk much about he's feelings. I just wish he wouldn't try and pretend to be something he's not around me. I also understand it might take him a while, but I don't know if I should give him more time or say something. I mean i've known him for like 2 years and we were good friends even before we got together. I'm honest to him about who I am and i'm not critical of him or anything. If he doesn't start being more authentic with me, i'm gonna break up with him at some point. Also, it's like he always has to be good at everything and can't admit when he isn't good at something. He brags, not a lot a lot but enough to where it gets annoying. I mean he is good at a lot of things and he is extremely smart but sometimes I just wonna scream at him" oh my god dude you're not perfect, get the fuck over yourself" I just wonna be clear that I do trust him when it comes to things like cheating or what he's doing. Also, he never puts me or any of my insecurities down.

1mo I know for a fact he lied about having a girlfriend but only cause he had to (long story). Also, he is anxious and shy around others. It's easy to tell if u know human behaviour just a little. And yeah I do have many insecurities but I own up to them and am working on myself.
1mo Should I bring it up in a calm way or give him more time? How should I bring it up?


What Guys Said 2

  • It seems to me like your boyfriend is overcompensating for his insecurities. For some reason, he can't admit that to you and it's likely that he can't even admit it to himself. Just talk to him and tell him you feel like he isn't being authentic and it's driving you two apart. You can even reveal that it's been making you question your relationship with him. If he thinks you don't notice, he's never going to bring it up or become more authentic.

  • You're making an awful lot of assumptions, and you know what they say about making assumptions. All of them seem to be based on your belief that your "good at reading people," which makes it sound as if you have no real evidence. Tbh, you kind of came across as insecure in yourself.


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