Is it disrespectful to date multiple people at the same time?

These day, a lot of people understand dating as the process of screening potential candidates. It goes from initial courting to sleeping together to find out their compatibility in a long term relationship.

So how many people should we be screening at one time for it to be ok? What are the social norms on this one?

Are we suppose to tell each person we date that they are one of many girls/guys we see during the process?

  • Yes - provide reason
    58% (46)55% (53)56% (99)Vote
  • No - Provide reason
    42% (34)45% (43)44% (77)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah cos it feels like you could just be leading someone on and taking up their time. Which isn't fair. I mean I don't think someone would want to be on the receiving end of that. Imagine paying for someone's food etc and they take it slow with you and are fu**ing other people. Isn't that just using someone?

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    • 3mo

      That's a really good point

    • 3mo

      Even if they paid for their own food and entertainments they are still using up your time which you could spend it else where

    • 3mo

      Right? I mean it's pretty disrespectful to do that in my humble opinion. I don't think anyone would want to be on the receiving end of that. And imagine if they held off on seeing other people, the possibilities of which could be endless (e. g. meeting someone cool, special etc). That applies both ways, so equally if you don't like someone, spend your own time better too.

      I think we're both pretty awesome and decent people, so wouldn't do this to a female. And I would hope that the decent females we encounter don't do this to us or anyone else because it's rather impolite and not sportsman like to put it another way

What Girls Said 48

  • I think as long as people are honest about what they're doing, there shouldn't be an issue to at least give other person (or people) the respect to make certain choices.

    I think it's perfectly fine if someone says, "We're not exclusive, and I'm keeping my options open. I hope you're fine with that, as I'm fine if you see other people too." It's not fine if someone dates multiple people, while leading someone to believe that they are exclusive. Why not let the other people have their fun too?

    I knew a woman who met her husband this way and to me it was deceitful. She dated three different men at once (one was her now-husband) - none of them knew it. She would whine about the pros and cons about each guy not sure who to choose. It was like a fucking episode of The Bachelorette. After weighing her options after so many dates, I said, "Does Steve know about Anthony and Craig?" She said, "No... and he's not going to either." <-- a warning to me to shut up about it if I see him. So here I am knowing that she seemed to think she was privileged to have three options, but refused to give the guys the same privilege to keep each of them in her hip pocket while she decided. I thought, real fair, idiot.

    Dating many people at once and being honest at least allows the other person to make up their mind if they too should explore more, grateful for the honesty, or if they feel that it's not for them and allow them to move on to someone who they believe will focus just on them. To me, that's only fair.

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  • Depends on the people, but personally if I was single dating id perfer it to be exclusively us during this period in time, due to people having stds and knowing this is not chess I will not compete for anyones attention, if you want it you will make it known. If you were dating me there would be no reason to be trying to get to know me while fucking sally jhonson.. if you got time to be fucking around knowing me then you truly aren't trying to get to know me... join speed dating if you want multiple partners

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  • As long as they are all aware that you're dating other people, there's nothing wrong with it. Some people might not be okay with it, but then they're just not the right person for you. Tricking people by telling them that you're committed to them when you're not would obviously be very wrong.

    If you're sexually active with multiple partners (or with a partner who has multiple partners) it's extra important to use protection and get tested frequently.

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  • Nah, I don't think so. I personally don't think I would date more than one person at one time but I think that as long as you're open about it and you tell any partners you have about the others so you're not cheating and you practice safe sex so you don't give anyone infections or anything, then there's no problem.

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  • If there is no label or established commitment, you can do whatever you want with whomever, but you do have a obligation to inform each of them that they are NOT the only one, and they should not EXPECT girlfriend treatment as you are not offering them any commitment at this time. Please, be the man that actually tells a girl what she is to you, instead of leaving her to wonder and then get hurt.

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  • Being honest and upfront will likely avoid drama in the long run. Some people do get competitive but sometimes those fall through if the other relationship ends. Because for them it was only fun while they felt a competition was going on and they are now bored. It's not nice but it happens. If you don't tell a person and they find out later they may end up with hurt feelings or unreasonable expectations.

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  • Until both people have agreed to make it official, dating or getting to know other people in the meantime is not harmful. Disclosing the information beforhand is up to the person. Some people want to tell their date, some like to keep it to themselves. To me, its like speed dating. You talk to one person and then another right after.. you're not gonna tell the next person that you talked to so and so lol. It should just be about you too. At least thats how I see it until the exclusive part which then it becomes serious.

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  • Eh I'm iffy on this one. Usually I know from the 1st date if I want to continue dating the person, I don't need more then one date to know that I'm not attracted to that person, so I wouldn't be "dating" several guys at once. Plus I would never want a guy to go on multiple dates w/me, have me get excited about him only for him to tell me he decided to date another woman.

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  • yes cause I want someone to be obssesed w me, who won't see other girls besides me cause I'm so amazing to him

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  • I don't think it's disrespectful, as long as you're not in a committed relationship. I've been going out with a few guys.

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  • I don't think it's disrespectful, unless they blatantly lie about when asked. Dating can be about having fun, meeting new people, and enjoying life. It doesn't have to be a relentless and grueling elimination process in the search for a mate.

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  • As long as the people that you're dating are aware of it. Can't be casually dating with someone who thinks that you're exclusively dating them. Communication is key.

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  • Dating multiple people is perfectly fine as long as you are honest with those involved. If you notice that you are catching feelings for one person in particular it is only fair to cut the others off. I do NOT believe sleeping with all of them is a good idea as sexual chemistry is PART of the relationship. Sexual compatibility often takes front when actual chemistry is lax, or dead.. Thus leading to bad relationships with great sex.

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  • if they're not exclusive, nope, it's acceptable. but the risk is, the other girl/guy will be hurt, and try hard to runaway from you/the relationship. Sometimes, it not you the only one who are in screening progress, she might be in the screening progress too, and turned out, it's a major turn-off.

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  • You have no obligation to tell but it's usually that you are looking for satisfaction in your life, however that comes, and one person should be enough.

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  • I am an upfront serial dater offline and see nothing wrong with it.

    I tell people exactly who I am right away.
    They have the choice to accept it or not.

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  • As long as you're up front about dating multiple people from the beginning it shouldn't be an issue. It's never been for me. Those who can't accept it don't go out with me and those who can, well we have fun.

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  • If you are going to be seeing multiple people at once, then you should let your dates know about it

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  • No... but that's a lot of money and time to spend. Plus it's hard to focus on multiple people for finding "the one".
    This isn't a reality show y'know.

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  • Yes, I think it's very disrespectful.

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  • As long as you let them know ahead of time, then no. I feel then they know it's "hey I'm okay with this" or "No, I'm not okay with this". That way there's no surprises because you never know how they feel about you. Allow them to decide what they will do. Some will be okay with it, others won't.

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  • I think, and speak from personal experience, that you should always make it known. Especially if you are wanting to take things to the sexual level. That way everything is out in the open and there are no hurt feelings. I will also say that I think dating multiple people at once is kind of wrong. But, I'm kinda old fashioned that way.

    good luck!!

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  • If it is a monagamous relationship then yes, it is disrespectful.

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  • as long as you are upfront its ok.

    but i dont have sex before im in a long term commitment.

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  • its only disrespectful if you're not upfront with the fact that you're dating multiple people in my opinion.

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  • I think it's fine as long as you're honest with them and they know you're not official yet.

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  • If you are honest with them and they are fine with it then it is okay. I feel like they should know.

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  • I vote no... unless of course y'all are exclusive or things are getting serious and you've been dating a while

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  • I would break up with them if I found out someone I'm dating is dating other people at the moment.

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  • Of course not. How am I supposed to know who's right for me if I only date one guy? I want one guy eventually, but not after knowing him only a week.

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What Guys Said 41

  • I think so, yes. As far as I am concerned, as soon as you initially say "yes" to that first date, you are exclusive to that person. I think you are in cheating territory if you see other people during this time. If you have the social life where you are seeing multiple people at the same time for "screening" purposes, sorry, but you are full of shit and simply a player! If you disclose your intentions and admit you are seeing or will see other people and your date has no problem with that, then that is perfectly acceptable. Again, for me, if a girl asked me out I would automatically assume she is interested and only interested in dating me. Why the fuck would I date someone who dating 3 other guys at the same time? Like are you saying it is ok to expect to taste another guy's cum on her mouth when you kiss her because it is expected she is seeing others? No fucking way! It is common decency to be honest from the start and tell them your intention.

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    • 3mo

      That is so sweet! I wish the guy I am dating would think the same way..

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      @Honeystick Yes, total douchebag!

    • 3mo

      I've been the "victim" of that once too. I took her to a ski trip with involves staying over night. When she was in the shower and left the phone on the table, someone from OkCupid texted her. Then I realised how naive I have been. These days it's all about a game of options.

  • I'm really surprised by the results, unless we're looking at the issue from a slightly different perspective. I think it's okay to flirt with multiple women and to keep your options open. I'm not gonna focus on only one girl at a time while she "missed my texts" and shows other signs of disinterest, while I could have been building a successful and potential relation with someone worth my time.

    What I think is wrong is to be going out on legitimate dates with multiple women. If you do find a girl you genuinely like and would want a possible long term relationship with, I feel you should then focus on just her. I personally wouldn't want to date a girl I really like only to find out she's casually dating others guys and probably making out with them too, because I know most people kiss within the first 3 dates. I just feel dating multiple people isn't faithful and will leave someone lead on and heart broken.

    Otherwise, if both members are honest, fully aware, and okay with you dating other people, I don't see a problem. Now that I think about it a little more, I can see how people would be okay with dating multiple people. I guess it depends on how casual or exclusive a date means to you. That's personally not for me, but if others are okay with it, I'm glad and hope it works out.

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  • if it's just dating then I see no reason to be disrespectful. if the girl asks then simply tell her that you are talking to multiple women but has not developed any serious relationship yet. chances are the woman is also being courted by multiple guys and are dating them all at the same time.

    dating is the new thing nowadays. especially in big cities like Boston or new York. in those large population settings people date only. it's easier and quick. there's no commitment and easy to maintain. both sexes agree to this so it's not like the guys are taking advantage of the girls at all. check out your female friends tinder and I assure you she's talking and setting up dates with multiple multiple guys.

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  • Yes I think it's only fair you let the people you're dating know that you're dating others too, not just them. It's better to have all the cards on the table, not let them assume it's exclusive and be disappointed or hurt when they find out it's not.

    You should screen as many people as you think is a good idea. It's your life.

    Personally, I think going one by one is probably the fairest as you'll really be giving that person a chance, not having your focus divided up. But it depends what you're looking for.

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  • It's none of your dates' business who else you're dating, until you have the 'exclusive' talk. And vice versa.

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  • While you are dating her and in the getting to know eachother phase there is no obligation of exclusivity but I still find it unnatractive if she is seeing other guys on the side and potentially already sleeping with one of them.

    I guess you might as well do the same tho. I see no point in having your eyes set only on one girl if she isn't doing the same for you. So view her the same way she views you... easily replacable.

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  • Define "dating".

    If you are not official, as in "boyfriend and girlfriend"... then you are free to do whatever you want.

    As a man, dating is probably the toughest thing we can do. I have been in countless dates with countless women.

    Sometimes I will go a on a first date with women, just to be "ghosted" after the date

    Sometimes I would get a girls number, talk to her a few times, only to be "ghosted"

    Sometimes I would get a number, text a girl a bit, and then get "ghosted"

    Sometimes I would have sex with a girl a few times, only to be "ghosted"

    I have learned that women are not consistent, don't really know what they want, cannot make simple decisions and need a lot of time to think about shit... and they "ghost" men a lot.

    For a man, I believe it is important to have at least 5 numbers at a time. This way, if a girl "ghosts" you (and it will happen), you have other women you can talk to.

    However... if I was "officially dating" a girl... I would stop talking to all the other women.

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  • I follow this rule: unless you talk with that person about being exclusive, ALWAYS assume he/she is dating other people as well.

    Don't act like you're committed to someone when you're not, that's not fair to you. Play the field while single, so you can figure out what you want.

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  • Only if you have exclusive talk then it's an issue.

    I had a take recently about the pros/cons of multi dating. And with how popular online dating is common, it's almost that everyone multi dates because there's so many options. Women have way more options then men.

    I mean you can't really expect exclusivity from one date but if you put all your eggs in one basket, then it can be discouraging if the one person flakes or it just doesn't work out. It's like job searching and only going after one job at a time.

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  • Vote B

    No, but only so long as you are open & upfront about it

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  • I think it should be discussed. If a partner told me she was still dating other people while we were dating, I'd have no problem with it. I'd just want to know that was the situation. I'm not the type of person one needs to keep things from. I'm pretty laid back about a lot of stuff. My wife still dated a guy and a girl when we first started dating. When I found out, I wasn't upset at all. In fact, she kept seeing the girl after we married. I was fine with it.

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  • I personally think there's nothing wrong with it as long as you're still at the "zero expectations" stage with each and every person you're courting. However, you should at the same time be sure that the other people are all on the same page as you. As soon as you start leading them on to expect things of you, that's where it starts to get iffy

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  • No,

    If it takes you 48 hours to text me back, I'm going to have other girls entertaining me. Let's not waste our time here.

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  • For men it's important, because women flake a lot.

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  • Lol ehm 'yes and no'
    One's going to get hurt, or is going to be led on. And that's kinda wrong, don't you think?
    On the other hand, nobody's 'exclusive yet' so you do what you want... but still

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  • As long as everyone is up front and honest it's not a big deal.

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  • Yes that's cheating derka
    http://i.imgur.com/isH1IYY.png

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  • only if you pay for all of their food on all the dates because then you are a real gentleman and its such a nice thing to do too, it shows that you really care about them.

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  • You should be very up front about it. Make sure she's on the same page.

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  • It's fine to date multiple people so long as they know that you are not exclusive

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  • Until you are exclusive, you don't have to tell them. When you are exclusive, the problem is gone.

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  • As long as all parties are aware that you are playing the field, there is nothing at all disrespectful about it. Its once you choose one to be exclusive with, and you still choose to date other, that's where its not only disrespectful, but cheating.

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  • The way I see it how do you know the other person's not dating multiple people.

    it takes time to create a relationship. the way I used to do it was date as many chicks as I could until I knew that I can trust the one I wanted.

    If we could read minds that would take all of the guesswork out and would be much easier to date

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  • Yes it shows disrespect and poor character in many ways unless you're upfront and honest about it with everyone involved.

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  • Back when I was dating, I was only able to date one at a time. Because I'm really terrible at multitasking. Besides I would like to focus on one person to get to know that person better.

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  • I'm unsure about it. It's something I have asked myself multiple times, and I have never came to a conclusion.

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  • The world is getting more robotic by the year.

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  • Not if you are open and honest about it. When you're just dating someone, and not in a relationship, you have to agree whether you're exclusive or not.

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  • Just keep your pecker dry until you find one suitable for you.

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  • If you date multiple people then be ready to get slapped multiple times if they find out.

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