5 'dates' but still no kiss? Does he just see me as a friend?

Okay so I met this guy speed dating ( he's a few years older) and we both put down yes to each other in the friend column. I did this to seem less intimidating.

Anyway the next day our matches were released and he text me that night. Since then we've text heaps and been out with each other on 5 dates. All of these dates/hangouts have lasted 3-5 hours and have ranged from dinner, dessert, drinks, walking around, and even his house to play video games. He always pays or at least offers to pay, he has held the door open for me, pulled out my chair for me to sit down at dinner, he always initiates conversation over text and is always the one to ask me out, he's picked me up and driven me 30 mins to the place he wanted to take me to dinner etc

I'm beginning to like him but have no idea where his head is because he does all this amazing things and we connect on so many levels but there's no physical intimacy? The closet thing he's done is high five me during video games and placed his two hands on my shoulders when he was standing behind me and I was sitting down, and asked me to stay over because it was super late.

He's a nerdy kind of guy ( which I like) so maybe he's shy? If so what can I do to help things along? Should I hug him, start touching his hand etc?

Or am I just being stupid and does he only like me as a friend?

Any advice would be much appreciated


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Duh? Because he does the work, maybe you should participate too and start doing your part too.

    We men never know for sure when it's the right time. It's always a risk for - not lying - both men and women.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No he sounds like he's super interested in you. He seems like he's a really great guy who's extremely gentlemanly. I just think he's taking his time with you and going slow because he wants to get to know you as a person before doing anything intimate or physical. A lot girls are looking for that in guy so instead of being worried I would definitely be happy, 5 dates is only 5 dates so as you continue dating maybe he feel or become more comfortable with you and start making romantic gestures. Not sex, but like hugging, kissing, or cuddling. That or he's waiting to get a signal from you that its okay to make a move..

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What Guys Said 8

  • He sounds extremely courteous and polite!!!
    A true gentleman.

    He is probably waiting for a sort of "heads up," like he's just being respectful and waiting for you to send him signals.

    Try being a bit more flirty/playful next time and see where it goes:)

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  • He's just shy. I think it's really great that you are willing to help him out.

    I would HIGHLY recommend you position yourself "near" him. For example sit side by side and not across from him. That way there is no physical boundary separating him and you, and it opens up the door to him placing his hand on your back etc.

    Moreover look at it from his perspective. He is not touching you because in his mind he thinks "What if this girl says Eeeewww when I touch her". This is the hallmark thought of someone who is inexperienced and shy around girls. So what should you do? Caress him, touch him, let him know that you enjoy it if he returns the favour.

    I'm not saying you should flat out fondle his Johnson but you can cuddle up to him for example.

    Cheers!

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  • I am getting the feeling maybe he is not a physical kind of guy - I would talk to him about your and his feelings plus how you move forward - It may become a relationship, it may end up being more comfortable as a friendship but it needs to be addressed.

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  • I don't know many guys who would insist on paying for dinner for a platonic friend. Sometimes when one friend makes a lot more money they will do that, or if they are older and it's a once in a blue moon type of thing then they will treat their guest to dinner. Now some guys will pay for a girl they are interested in but I'm not paying for a girl I'm just friends with, especially one I just met, and I don't know a ton of people who would do that.

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    • 2mo

      Also, to avoid confusion in the future I advise that you be less coy about your intentions. You want to date someone, don't put yourself down as friend. Don't hide what you want because it just makes things more confusing for everyone.

  • How many years is a few?

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    • 2mo

      Only 22

    • 2mo

      He's 5 years older than me.

    • 2mo

      That's not a large age difference, even at your age, so I'd attribute it to shyness and/or excessive concern re the age difference. This is especially possible if you're from even slightly different cultures.

  • He's taking his sweetass time for sure.

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  • I'm extremely shy & anxious myself, I think by the fifth date I would have kissed you but I could see maybe not until the third.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Are these actual dates, are you both 100% sure? As he stated that they are dates? If not, I think maybe you both have your wires crossed if he's carrying on speaking to you on friend terms.

    However, if they have been labelled as actual 'dates' then of course, there has to be some level of attraction there on his end as there have now been 5 dates! I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but I doubt a guy would take a girl out FIVE times if he wasn't interested at all...

    My advice to you would be to perhaps hint. He's older than you so may prefer to take things slowly, but I understand you want to be sure because it's a lot of time to invest if you're not sure how he feels. Let him know you're really enjoying spending time with him, subtly ask him where he thinks this is going? It doesn't have to be face to face, however you communicate best I guess.

    Good luck :)

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    • 2mo

      That's what's so confusing he doesn't call them dates. He just says hey do you want to do... Or I want to take you to... But the word date has never been used. It's so frustrating because I really like him 😖 Thank you for your advice though!

  • Aw he sounds like he's just old fashioned and being a respectful gentleman. I'd ask him if he wants to kiss you in a way that invites it.

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  • Start putting the moves on him. Touch his leg when you stand up. Sit closer to him on the couch. If he's in a lounge chair or something, casually sit on his lap. Wipe fake food off his face. When he wins at something in a game cheer and kiss his cheek.

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    • 2mo

      If I'm playing video games with a girl and she cheers when I win, it would make me laugh :p You don't cheer when your opponent wins :p :p

    • 2mo

      @silentknight You cheer when you want an excuse to put your arms around him and go in for the kill. Of course you don't know that.

    • 2mo

      Thank you for the compliment.

  • I feel as if he is shy but at the same time, how much is he building it up? I once went on a date with a guy, (2nd), he went to kiss me, i freaked out, ducked, then regret it all night and made sure when i saw him i sucked his face off. I think maybe you make the move or even hold his hand then slowly move in. Some people just need a push

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  • Does he ever call your 'hangouts' dates? Because maybe you got the wrong end of the stick. Maybe he does only think of you as a friend or maybe he is just shy and doesn't want to move to fast. Invite him over for dinner and put the moves on him a little. Hold his hand at the table, flirt a little, touch his leg, just drop some hints. If he seems to stay completely indifferent then maybe he isn't that into you. In that case, you have to go straight for the kill and ask him if he thinks this is just friendship or if he wants it to go somewhere.

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    • 2mo

      This is what I'm afraid of... THST I'm reading into it the wrong way. He hasn't called them dates. He just says hey do you want to do blah blah blah with me or hey I'd like to take you here. 😖 Thanks for your advice though.

    • 2mo

      No worries. I would give it a try with the whole dinner thing. Good luck girl!

  • yea I guess baby steps is the best.
    touch his hand give him a hug when you greet him caress his back kiss his cheeks
    etc etc
    do those more frequently and then he ll warm up to you slowly.
    I am not a touchy person and that show t goes with me

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  • Maybe he's shy :) you just need to be open. It might give him the nudge

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  • Okay I'm gonna let this hangout straight. First of all you are just being stupid. Second of all he likes you a lot but he's afraid since you mentioned friend that that's how you see him. He is scared stiff to be forward, to kiss you.
    My slutty but ingenious self says, KISS HIM YOU IDIOT!
    I know enough about guys to know this guy likes you a lot. I know enough about you to know that you are nuts. If you don't kiss him I will

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    • 2mo

      This is an outstanding answer :) I agree.

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      @Unit1 Mormor lower lower

    • 1mo

      It saddens me to see, that you did not get the MHO :( because in my opinion, you 100% deserve it.

  • He likes you, he's just a shy virgin cuck and doesn't know how to be physical with a woman. If you want him, you need to lead...

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  • he obviously likes you and maybe he's not sure if you actually like him since it seems like he's doing all the work (texting, planning fun dates)
    why don't You kiss him at the end of the next date? 😊

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