I'm bi-curious, and I admitted to my guy that I thought his close friend (girl) was hot. Now he's freaked out :( did I make a mistake?

We've been together only 7 weeks, and I know he's close friends with a girl whose naturally very pretty. One evening, I revealed to him that I found girls attractive, that I appreciate their beauty and that I wouldn't say no to sleeping with them if it was with the right one. This revelation didn't phase him until I made a passing comment that his close friend (girl) was really hot, which he seemed taken aback at and seemed a bit uncomfortable. Did I cross a line? Would this be the same as me saying one of his male friends was attractive? I've never cheated, nor do I intend to get with his female friend. Thoughts?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys who aren't used to bi-women aren't sure what to make of you. Guys just assume that a bi-girl who is attracted to another woman will automatically go after them or that they have to compete in some way with others because of this. You saying to him that you thought she was attractive made him feel like you liked her and now she's competition. It's kind of like how some guys feel like if they are with a straight girl and they talk about another guy as being hot. I'm not sure if it's a masculine thing with him or it's just a straight bit of jealousy. But not many are comfortable bi/gay/les/straight/woman/man are comfortable with the idea of their mate being attracted to someone else. It's an ego thing I feel everyone has. People who are in love want to feel like they are the only ones for someone they love. So when you said that you are attracted to someone else besides him, he might of felt a bit jealous or like he wasn't good enough and things like this. The male ego especially is pretty fragile at times. Also, with you being bi he might be feeling like, if you are attracted to another woman, how am I going to compete with this. It's one thing to be attracted to another male, but another female, how can a guy compete with that. There are a lot of thoughts that straight people have that a bi/gay/les/etc person won't understand and visa versa. That's why communication is important for understanding to commence.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a misnomer that all men think two women together is hot. You have to get to know the guy and what he likes before you reveal something like that honey.

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    • 3mo

      There is a difference between watching two women together, and wanting your girlfriend to be with another woman! Huge difference!

What Guys Said 21

  • You say you've never cheated, and that you wouldn't cheat with this particular female friend of his. But on the other hand you do admit that you wouldn't say no to sleeping with the right girl. So if you and your boyfriend are in an exclusive relationship you've admitted that you are open to cheating. But if you're not in an exclusive relationship (are you in an "open" relationship?) and your boyfriend is cool with how you are I guess you're okay. Personally I could never knowingly date/be in a relationship with a bi girl. The "straight" part of her would presumably be satisfied by being with a guy, but her yearning to be with another girl would always be there.

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    • 3mo

      EXACTLY what I was thinking dude.

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    • 3mo

      "The straight part of her"? Really? That's incredibly presumptuous and ignorant. Bisexuals are just like heterosexuals. They're no more likely to cheat than a straight person, and they're not all dating two people at a time. They simply have more options when it comes to choosing a mate, and many prefer to date one person at a time.

    • 3mo

      @dragonfly6516 exactly what I thought...

  • I'd be fine with it so long as our relationship was solid, but lots of guys would not be. Also, there's a big difference between contemplating the fantasy - two hot women getting it on - and the reality of your girlfriend and your friend getting it on.

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  • Do you find girls attractive (and) want to have sex with them? or just you say they attractive?

    I find some guys very attractive or hot but never thought of having sex with one.. that is the difference to say you are straight or Bi.

    If my girl friend said she wants to have sex with girls i will leave her cuz i don`t want a bisexual girlfriend!!.

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    • 3mo

      I'm bi-curious, so yeah, if it was with the right girl I probably would sleep with her.

    • 3mo

      So if he doesn`t like it he has the right to be freaked out.

    • 3mo

      He's not bothered about me finding girls attractive; hell, he's told me things I wouldn't find a turn on, orgies, threesomes etc. I think it's because it's his friend and not some random girl.

  • It wouldn't be a reason for me to freakout. Your guy is just a little bit more complicated...

    Just be sure to make him understand that, one thing is to appreciate a person physically and share with the SO our kinks and tastes, another one is to betray.

    Always talk about any stuff, he needs to lean the difference about them, and how you think.
    Never go silent, that's a sad way to share a life with other people.

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  • He might just be worried that you'll desert him for her. Just find a way to make it clear that you won't, and he might feel better :)

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    • 3mo

      Maybe. But he knows I'm crazy about him not her.

  • Usually guys much less jealous when it's come to girl on girl as opposed to their girl with other guy, so it's not the same for most of us, but maybe for his it's almost the same.

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  • you have been totally honest with him so he must respect that. he is bound to worry you may go off with a girl but if you reassure him then im sure it will be fine. foe what its worth, i think you did exactly the right thing

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  • Oh wow I would dump you. It's already enough going on where a girl will sleep with another man like cheat and now you have to worry about a woman cheating with another woman. Not saying you would but you just doubled his worrying. I wouldn't marry you.

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  • i think generally it´s not a good idea to tell your partner how hot their friends are, no matter the gender :/

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    • 3mo

      makes them insecure and maybe even makes them see their own friends as competition for you.

    • 3mo

      Thanks for the opinion. I know, as soon as I said it I felt bad and realised it's not the same as me saying his friend is attractive and me not being bi-curious. Girls tell each other all the time that they look good, pay compliments etc (unless they're lying, being a bitch etc) so I think I got the two scenarios blurred :(

  • let see this in a new light
    your boyfriend : i think your best friend is really hot and i want to sleep with her
    you : sure baby
    when this happen in rl you can come and dance on my grave naked

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    • 3mo

      Yes, I want to sleep with his best friend and mess him around just for lols!

    • 3mo

      i meant if he said i like your friend meaning
      u his girlfriend he wants to have sex with your friend is it okay

  • its not a good idea to tell your husband that

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  • Yeah, he's gonna be cautious around you and that girl friend now. Talk about a learning experience

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  • Does he know you are bi curious?

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  • should ease into it

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  • What he hears

    "I brought this up because at some point I want to fuck with girls too, I hope you're understanding of this"

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  • He thinks you don't really love him (or aren't really into him) and you are just using him to get to his friend. It would be pretty close to saying one of his male friends is attractive, not quite the same, but close. You need to do some damage control, spend some qt with him, and reassure him you only want him, and you never want to cheat, man or woman, even with this female friend!

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    • 3mo

      We've only dated for two months so its a bit early for me to start saying I love him! lol. I respect him, and what I thought was an innocent comment , was foolish. I'd never leave him for his friend. I'm bi-curious, yes, but I am more attracted to him (hence why I'm with him) because he's freakin hot.

    • 3mo

      Then as I said he thinks you really aren't into him and are just using him to get to his friend who he is under the impression, is who you really want to be with.

      " I'm with him) because he's freakin hot." Stuff like this, and what you mentioned in the question is what he needs to know. Spend some qt with him, his favorite activity, and explain how you really feel, and that this seems to be a stupid misunderstanding.

  • I think it would be the same if he would say he found one of your female friends hot

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    • 3mo

      Yeh probably, hence why I regret saying one of his friends was hot and speaking about a random girl or girls in general :S

    • 3mo

      Dont worry, there will be grass over it in less than a week :)

  • Will you marry me? ... Lol my best friend is gorgeous abd we've hooked up a few times and my girlfriend is bi-curious and if she would mention that she wants to hook up with her I think my brain would explode from excitement. Unfortunately I can't really bring it up because my girlfriend doesn't really know we've hooked up in the past because she's kind of jealous when it comes to her. She's not jealous of anyone else tho just her and from when they first met so I was never able to bring it up without having to give up my best friend for literally 29 years

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    • 3mo

      Haha sounds complicated. How come your girlfriend is jealous of your girl mate?

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    • 3mo

      Lol well we both had feelings for one another at different times. First I liked her but never said anything then I kind of got over it and moved on and then she one day told me that she had feelings for me and that she couldn't hide it anymore but at that point I had another girlfriend. Then I was single and she was dating someone lol then we were both single and our sexual tension was through the roof but we never really dated because we were afraid that we would ruin our friendship. So we tried to hold back but every time we were alone or had a few drinks we would hook up but we did everything but sleep with eachother because of the friendship. But that just made us want one another more. So we stopped everything and just stayed friends. Now I have a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend but we still have our moments when we feel like we're just gonna rip one another's clothes off and give into it but we never do. I think us not having sex is just as intense as us actually doing it because it's so built up

    • 3mo

      Hmm. Maybe your girlfriend can pick up on that tension in a way, or senses there is a past to your friendship with your mate. We girls have a way of noticing these things haha. Hell, it'd make me feel a bit uneasy.

  • Probably phased him because it's someone he knows, and is a close friend of his. Now he might wonder if you're thinking about her instead of him

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    • 3mo

      I know :( but that wasn't my intention. It was just a foolish thing to say.

    • 3mo

      Things slip, especially when you don't think it'll effect anyone. He may get over it, but I imagine there will be distance between you and her. Hopefully he does get over it

  • This is the problem I have with bisexual girls. They automatically assume that their sexuality turns guys on. Like "OMG my girl kissed another girl, that's sooooo hot!", when in reality, for most guys it's the same thing as cheating on you with a guy.

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    • 3mo

      I didn't say it to turn him on *face palm* god lol. And I'm well aware that sleeping with another person, regardless of another gender, whilst seeing someone is classed as cheating.

  • Admitting who you really are is never a mistake but if my woman told me this she would be getting her marching orders. I wouldn't willingly and knowingly date a bisexual woman, so I would send her packing.

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    • 3mo

      Each to their own I guess!

What Girls Said 3

  • She friend-zoned him. He had a crush on her at one point. Imagine the blow to his ego if you got with her!

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    • 3mo

      Yeh probably, he agrees that she's good looking but he's said no more about her.

  • I'm pan but if i was bi and i was going to tell the person i'm seeing about it i would just say i'm attracted to both genders and i would avoid commenting if i found a girl or a guy attractive. Because saying a girl is attractive is the same as saying a guy is, because you're bi (well, bi curious). I'm awful at explaining things, but you wouldn't like it if he said one of your mates is really hot.

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    • 3mo

      No, I agree with what you're saying. I shouldn't have said it about his friend.

  • mm probably because your together and doesn't like the idea of you liking or finding his friends attractive maybe.

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