She says she likes me...but why she is flaky about hanging out?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a girl for about 2 weeks.

I enjoy spending time with her and I feel like we get along well.

She has told me that she has fun with me, thinks I'm cute and likes me, but for some reason she is always a bit flaky when it comes to hanging out.

For example:

Last week we were supposed to hang out and she couldn't stop talking about how excited she was...then she got sick. OK...she probably did so I'll give her a pass for that one.

Then we were supposed to hang out on Wed...and we did...but during the day before she hung out she said she might not be able to because she was busy at her internship. We only got to hang out for a few hours anyway because she had plans to go to a concert later. We got dinner and that was it. She acted super excited to see me prior to Wed, but once Wed came along I really thought she was going to bail. She didn't, but it still kind of made me upset.

And last night we had plans to hang out...and again, we did...but she seemed like she was going to cancel plans because she had to "go home to do laundry" and "write a paper." In fact she texted me saying how excited she was to see me and then a couple hours later when I called to say I was leaving for her place she said today may not be a good day...instead she changed her mind and I came over. It just kind of upset me because we had plans to hang out on Saturday since Wed night and she acted really excited through texts messages about hanging out...but then she almost bailed. We hung out with her friends...which I didn't mind, but I'd like to spend some "one on one" time with her because we still are getting to know each other.

If she really is as into me as she makes it out to be why does she do this?

Is she just trying to mess with me or what?

I like her and she seems to really like me, but I don't get it. She goes out of her way to text me and tell me how she feels about me with texts and whatnot.

I'm a busy person and I understand where she is coming from...but shouldn't the first few weeks of a relationship be the time you try to see each other the most?

So why does she tell me how much she likes me and enjoys seeing me, etc but act like she is going to bail every time we hang out?

Thanks!

[dildinho19]

To understand flaking, I NEED to understand who is in control of arranging the dates and your interactions with the girl.
1. Girls flake for a number of reasons and to me its 100% not your fault. Here are the reasons
1. Firstly its her confidence, if you have met her once and she talks to you via texts test her. Drop contact with her, see if she contacts you herself! if this is the case and she keeps flaking but continues to talk there's something wrong with her confidence or something about you she is not comfortable with. Some girls get nervous being with a confident guy that there not used to (9/10 her ex has probably been a puppy and your confidence scares her)
2. Since you've seen her already its not confidence and it defiantly is not you value, she values you hence she finds you attractive. If you haven't been out with her before (first date) and she flakes you simply haven't built attraction and value for her to be interested in seeing you. THIS IS not the case.
3. Is because there's someone else in the picture. This is when SHE'S really interested in you/was but now she's flaking. Normally its the ex (the pest).

Best thing to do is pretend you don't care and drop contact. If she Values you over the ex this is a must otherwise no point seeing her she'll reach out herself. Let her suggests dates and if she flakes more than twice threaten to leave simple text of nice knowing you will do it. Rule is girls sense lack of confidence and lack of girls in your life if they sense this they'll play you like a flute.

[Elcristoph]

She sounds kinda crazy to me. my advice is simply this, STOP asking her out..right now just stop. don't call her don't text her. leave her alone for 2 weeks. if she wants to see you she will need to put in alittle effort and let you know what works for her...

youve only known her 2 weeks and it sounds like your being to avaidable and given the fact your always chasing her and taking her excuses (lame ones at that) I wouldn't be suprised if she's begining to lose interest in you... Ill ask you this dude, if Brad Pitt called her and asked her out do you really think she would let her "Laundry" get in the way...GOD NO she would give up an afternoon shopping with her dads credit card for a 2 hour date with someone like Brad.

Like I said put this crazy girls money where her mouth is.. she says she likes you..cut her off and let her do the chasing for a change. and if you really want to test her, if she calls asking for a date on the weekend (friday night and saturday) say no you can't do those nights as you already made plans... see if she gives you a counter offer.

Good Luck

-Chris

[Asker]

Thanks for the help....really appreciate it.

the strange thing, however, is that pretty much every day we talk she initiates the text/call, etc.

[Elcristoph]

Is she the one asking you out in these calls?

[Asker]

Honestly...i can't remember who asked out who for wed or saturday.

i think it was her idea for wed and mine for saturday.

but she does act super excited before we actually get together...then acts flaky the day of.

[Elcristoph]

Breaking a date is a mortal sin... especialy if its one she arranged. next time she calls you keep the talk to about 3 min and tell her your going to be busy for 2 weeks (Im sure you can think of a reason). then don't call her or text her and don't respond to her texts. after 2 weeks call her and arrange a date, if she agrees and shows up keep it to just 1 hour. then wait 6 days before arranging another date and no contact during this time.

[Elcristoph]

If she's actually interested in you and not just using you as an...Ive got nothing better to do go to person... she will begin to be more resptive to you.. if not then she will wonder off but like you said youve gave her oppertunitues so its not like you havnt tried...

DONT keep women who use you or don't want to keep you, that's how you get hurt.

Good Luck

-Chris

[Asker]

The thing I don't get is....why go out of your way to tell someone you like them, enjoy spending time with them, etc and then act flaky when you are about to hang out?

i have NEVER told her I liked her...she just told me...

[Elcristoph]

Well if you do what I said you will find out what she's all about...like I said she sounds crazy..I know I wouldn't put up with her...

[Asker]

Im gonna add you as a friend so we can chat more

[shery274]

She sounds crazy? I don't know if I would go that far.... lol. Maybe something is bothering her... she is insecure..

[labellaprincesa]

dear asker,
If I were you, I wouldn't listen to Chris.
Worst case scenario: You stop texting her, she will think that you're fed up with her.
If I were her, I would think that you lost interest.

[shery274]

I wouldn't take this too hard just yet. I kind of know where she is coming from. I went through the same thing. She sounds like she is really busy. I bet she does want to see you. Did you ever think that maybe she is just so overworked and cannot handle all the pressure? I am guessing she is in school? I don't know your exact situation... but for me I would say things like oh maybe I shouldn't go anymore. I would even second guess seeing him anymore even though I really liked him. I know... it doesn't make sense. I just could not handle school and getting to know someone new. It was really stressful on me. So one piece of advice I would give you is just because she is saying these things does not mean that she is not still interested. It is probably the opposite. She may be thinking that she is coming on too strong, and that you don't actually like her as much as she likes you. Don't write her off yet! But if you stop talking to her she may think that she was thinking too much into your whole meeting and may run away from the situation. So continue talking to her... ask her if she needs some time for work... you should understand that. But don't stop talking to her unless you are absolutely sure.

[Asker]

Yea...we are both in school (seniors in college) so I understand the stress situation of it.

we are both graduating soon, however.

she is working a full time internship for her last semester and I am doing work/full time course load so we are both busy.

thanks for the help, really appreciated!

[Rei02]

First of all, don't let negative thoughts in your mind, of course she cancelled at the last hour, but maybe not because of you. Trust me, I have some experience in that field.

Second, occupy yourself, kee your mind busy with other activities, think and spoil yourself.

Next, in the next talk, tell her with some humour something like: "You know, it's funny that when we want to hang out only the two of us, something happens, don't you think so?"

Then try another chance to invite her, even let her choose the date and the place, look space in your agendas (of course, try to put your agenda more flexible than hers if you really want to hang out with her).

If she cancels again, then put the cards on the table, be honest with her, tell her what you are thinking or what you have been asking yourself all this time but don't do it too seriously, don't put it in a paranoid, jealousy, angry, nervous way. At that moment, your mind has to be clear and calm without being too much upset and worried.

Be confident that she didn't pospone hem because of you (wether it is true or not, don't think bad of yourself or her, don't let your self steem go down).

[melissarose8585]

She could be worried that she is coming on too strong, she could be insecure, or she could be really really busy. There really is no way for us to tell in a situation like this without knowing the girl. If it continues for too long, though, I would just sit her down and talk to her about it. See if there is something wrong, if she doesn't want to get too serious and is afraid to give you that idea, whatever. Communication is key. She might just be stressed and not realizing she's acting flaky.

[Asker]

Thanks for your help.

i guess I just find it strange that if you DO like someone you would try to flake out.

i understand that she might think she is coming on too strong ... but by her acting like she is going to flake out how is that going to make me feel other than frustrated or hurt?

and what would her being insecure have to do with it? I'm confused

[labellaprincesa]

Hi, I don't think she does it on purpose.
I really think that she is very busy! As long as she continues texting you, everything is fine.
Some people need more time for homework, for oneself etc.
It's not about you, it's about her.

If you want to make it work with her, be patient.

[audreymarie21]

i used to get excited about hanging out with someone, but then I would flake out because I would get nervous, and worry that it would get awkward. so I would find excuses to bail. some people get anxiety about one on one situations. I would try planning a group date situation, where she could bring one of her friends and you could bring one of yours, once she starts feeling more comfortable with you, she won't bail last minute anymore.

[labellaprincesa]

hmm I would't suggest group dates...personally, this would make ME even more nervous!

[bennynthejets]

Sounds like she is having an affair with you. Sure she doesn't have a boyfriend already? Like she is wanting to be with you, but has to sneak around behind somebody elses back?

[labellaprincesa]

are you guys crazy? I thought girls are clingy..
She just met him, I bet she wants to see him, but she still has a life!!!

[-smilewhore]

she might be worried to get into a relationshihp. if she had bad ones in the past she might still be thinking if this is what is best. you will have to wait it out. only time will tell.