I feel like an idiot! Am I?

I finally asked a guy out, someone I've been wanting to for a while. I sent him a quick message, made it super casual (nothing creepy, didn't put pressure into a date) and no answer. This was last night and I saw he opened it but he said nothing. Obviously he's not interested but he could have at least told me. 😒


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If it helps!! I told the love of my life through an email (lame I know) and she opened it and then said nothing. Snap chatted me the next day and then didn't talk to me for a year. I felt extremely stupid, miserable and depressed.

    But no, don't feel stupid, you tried and that's more than the average girl can say. They usually pine and never ask. You did something courageous. So 👏 For you. He's a dickhead for just leaving you up in the air.

    Though next time, I would try in person. 1milkion times scarier but usually it gets better results. Or well, u can at least see the persons reaction and know there interest level instead guessing :).

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    • 3mo

      Yeah I really wanted to in person but never really got a chance. Figured I'd get it over with so I can stop thinking about it 😋 (Which now I can)

Most Helpful Girl

  • You sound like you're better off without the guy then :)

    Although, there could be many reasons for him not replying straightaway. Give him chance, he may respond. Otherwise, send him another message in a few days and tell him thanks for replying! Haha :)

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What Guys Said 8

  • "Obviously he's not interested but he could have at least told me. "

    That's not necessarily so.

    First off, guys really don't like texting.

    Second, this thing would have been better handled with a call because then you'd know the outcome immediately.

    Third - and probably most important - guys (especially younger ones) are in new territory so they don't have the tactics down yet that we who are older know. What I am saying is that he wants to say and do the right things, but he wants to do it in the best way possible so he doesn't blow it. THIS IS ESPECIALLY SO OF "SHY GUYS" who have little experience. I am not saying that he is interested in you, but I'm not saying that he is not either. Give him a little more time to respond to you - another 2 days - and then follow-up if you have not heard from him.

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    • 3mo

      Well that can be true. But in this case, I don't think so. I didn't just ask him out of the blue. I sent him a couple messages before as a lead up (asking how his weekend was going etc) both of which he responded to. Then this one? Nope.
      I just think it's not that hard to take a quick 2 minutes to kindly say he's not interested. It's really not that hard and I know he's not shy around women, I've seen it. But thank you for your answer 😊

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    • 3mo

      @AriadneSky Well that would be his problem then. I was nice about it and asked once, didn't bug him. No reason to make him feel uncomfortable.

    • 3mo

      Hahaha yes I do know that saying 😜
      I'll see if I feel like following up, just his attitude on the whole thing sort of makes me think differently of him. I thought he was such a sweetie, that's why I feel like an idiot.
      But I will wait a few days before I ASSUME lol 😊

  • You did right but it didn't go your way. At least now you know so you can forget him and find someone else

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  • That's why you ask people out in person

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    • 3mo

      Well obviously he wasn't interested so how I asked doesn't change that. Smh. 😒
      Glad I didn't ask in person he probably would have been rude about it.

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    • 3mo

      Let's rephrase that... That shit only works if the person likes you back... But generally, it is a horrible rule. I'm telling you and told you from the beginning that if you want a significantly higher chance of

      A) the person to respond to you
      B) give you a direct yes or no definitive answer
      C) have a higher probability of things not getting lost in communication and
      D) a higher probability of that person saying yes

      Then you ask them out in person. You asked this question and not me and I gave you advice for the next time. If you want me to suck up to you for what you want to hear, then you should've worded it that way. I'm here to give you useful advice, not fitting your confirmation bias for so you feel better and help you justify why you got "rejected" or ignored. But if you want he actual answer to your question and advice for next time, take it or leave it

    • 3mo

      I'm not looking for anyone to suck up to me, thank you. I come here cause I know I'll get honest advice.
      But at the same time I was looking to see why people thought he might not have said anything, not for someone to tell me what I should have done. "You should have asked him out in person" is just patronizing. I know I should have asked in person but I didn't. Sue me.
      I want opinions not someone to argue with.

  • There's nothing idiotic about going after something you want. Business 101--You don't ask, you don't get.

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  • maybe he doesn't know how to respond

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  • Don't feel too much shame, it happens to us all. Most likely he was put in a position where he didn't know what to say and didn't wanna feel like he was being rude or on the off chance he's just shocked with amazement.

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  • Not true he could be just as nervous as you or shy. He could just lack of experience in dating

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  • Welcome to the world of guys :(

    Don't feel like an idiot!

    You asked a guy you liked out... You should be proud of yourself!

    It didn't worked out this time... But now you know and can move on :)

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What Girls Said 10

  • I admire your courage and risk-taking. Anybody girl or guy who has ever taken such a risk has at times been disappointed. It's no big deal but it is a big deal. I understand been there done that and makes it scary for the next time. In fact I think I did it three times and was successful once.

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  • Was this on Facebook per chance? My ex would leave chat open the tablet all the time and show his messages as read when in fact he hadn't. I know because other people would complain about this while he was out with me.

    Give the guy a chance to THINK about his answer to you. If he hasn't replied after 2 days, then you can rightfully assume what you already believe.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah I guess I can give him a chance to think. I just don't think it's that hard of a question to answer ( in my opinion anyway)
      Thank you for answering 😊

    • 3mo

      by the way I admire you for embracing the new roles of gender equality and asking out a guy!

    • 3mo

      Thank you! I don't think women should wait around for a guy to ask, especially if they really like them. I'm sure there are guys out there that would love for a woman to ask them out for change (maybe not this guy in my case) but oh well. His loss 😊

  • Why would that make you an idiot? You went for it and gave it a shot. That's balls.

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  • you're not an idiot. his loss

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  • it's okay, it happens to us too lol. Just go out somewhere, post it on your social media and if you met him tomorrow, just casually pretend you're forget about the message and go out with other friends, and said afterward "but, you're not replying... so... i guess it's okay, right?"

    at least that's how I handle the situation, by pretending it's not a big deal (eventhough the truth is I was freaked out)

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  • Nope. You did the right thing. Guys do weird shit like that to make us go crazy.

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  • give it sometime , play hard to get , guys play games so that if u text again they will call you crazy

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  • You're not an idiot. You actually had the guts to tell him how you feel. He obviously doesn't feel the same way but now that shows you should move on and find someone that you actually deserve. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

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  • He's rude for just reading it lol I would be like 😂 "I was just kidding anyway ewk." Play it off kooool like you didn't want him anyway

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  • Mmm Mmm nope

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