Long Distance (LDR) Boyfriend bad at communication.. what can a girl do?

Im 21 and he is 22 .. We have been dating for a little over 3 months (know eachother for 5). He just moved away 4 days ago for school and we are trying to get this long distance thing to work.. since he left I have received 5 text messages and 1 snapchat from him telling me to have a good day etc and I have sent him 8 messages. I know he isn't a mind reader and is probably busy but I just wanted to hear his voice and get reassurance (** I've had a bad breakup in the past from a long distance partner cheating on me with a 32 year old mother of 5 in the first week of moving away**). I'm anxious because I've never liked someone this much and my past.
I guess my question is how do I get him to miss me? I was thinking about texting him tommorw and asking him to call me when he gets the chance but I don't know if this sounds too clingy/demanding. Guys if you were in this situation how would you perceive a girls behaviour/ like to happen



What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • Firstly, does he know about your past?
    For example, in my past, my ex's cheated. So while I trust my partner, he knows that out of all his jokes he makes, implying he's cheating on me, isn't funny.

    So if he knows what you've been through, and knows you two are still in the getting to know each other stages, he should act a bit more thougtful.

    BUT, he is also busy, a fresh move takes time to unpack and get settled etc. But to message and just say "hey, I miss you, was wondering if you could call tonight before you go to bed so we can have a little catch up" isn't bad or desperate. It's natural to miss your partner.

    Sometimes we can fall in love after such a short amount of time (others takes longer), so the time you've been with him doesn't make your feelings any less real. But you've been with him long enough to be able to talk about that with him or ask for a phone call! 8 messages over 4 days is like... silence for me! ha.

    • 1mo

      Thank you for the reply! Yes he knows about my past and never jokes about it or anything.. he said once I don't have to worry because he doesn't have Game 😂 (what ever that means)
      Yes I realize he is busy that is why I'm trying to find the balance and not be clingy. So I have a mentality that if I text him without a response he will respond at some point.
      My anxiety is from not talking that he is forgetting about me and slowly trying to drift away from me.. I will use that message tommorw because he seems to be texting me good morning everyday lol

    • 1mo

      It means he can't pick up girls even if he wants to :P He's trying to be funny.

      I have that mentality, I could text my SO 24/7 without shame. Only reason it doesn't bother him is that he knows, I know he's busy and while I expect a reply, I don't expect it instantly or even remotely soon, because he is busy. He doesn't feel pressured to reply in 5 minutes no matter what.

      And honestly, we shouldn't have to worry about how someone feels or thinks etc. I am "clingy", not out of insecurity but because I love being surrounded by what I love, I don't need space, just the opposite, i hate space. And to be with me, you have to understand that that is who I am. And that means I send my good morning texts, and good nights, I message during the day, I like to call all the time (well now we live together so not so much).

      At the start of the LD, it makes sense you miss him MORE because you know it'll be longer before you see him. So tell him that. You miss him, and just want to catch up.

  • Long-distance relationships rarely work. They are so difficult to maintain. They can work , but only if both people put the effort in to make each other feel loved and wanted. Sacrifices from by both people need to be made , and daily communication or it won't survive the distance

    It's not clingy, it's frustration because you miss him and want him in your life. You want him to value how much you miss him

    I was in a LDR but when he moved away things changed. I realised I was holding onto to someone who was slowly letting me go. I had mentioned something to him , and he stated "it's better in real life" At that moment I knew I'd never be enough for him. 😩

    I can relate to how you feel.😔. You need reassurance that you're still special to him , and that he still wants you in his life.

    You shouldn't need to "make"someone miss you. If they miss you and want you, then they'll go out of their way to show you, regardless of the distance and regardless of how little time they have in their busy schedule.

    If he no longer makes the effort , then it shows you were just someone he passed the time with until he had a fuller more meaningful life.

    Distance and being busy are no excuse for not showing someone you still love them and want them. It only means they have less time than before to show it