Before anyone judges me, I know what I did was wrong and I shouldn't have read his diary. I felt very frustrated with my boyfriend because I felt like he wasn't being completely genuine with me so I wanted to get to the bottom of whatever it was he was feeling.
My problem is that my boyfriend and I are quite different people. Out of all the odds, we somehow ended up together in a relationship. We are polar opposites. I'm quite awkward, shy and get quite stressed out whilst my boyfriend is more put together, outgoing and popular. I always had my suspicions as to why he went for me. He always went for the sorority types of girls, and frankly I find his world quite superficial. He tries to be different from that bunch though, and likes to keep an open mind and care deeply about things. It took him 6 months of dating to finally ask me to be his girlfriend, and it took even longer for him to tell his friends that we were together. Even now, he always prefers to not take me to parties and I suspected it was because his friends dislike me, but he always denied it and said he was shy and not used to showing off his girlfriend.
As I became more frustrated with him, I stumbled across his diary. I finally found out the truth, about his internal debate as to what his friends would think if he dated me because they found me annoying, but decided he didn't care because he liked me too much. He also wrote that he found me quite loud and ditzy at the beginning but really liked how genuine I was.
I'm really not sure how to feel about this. I know he's trying his best, but it really hurts me. I never really felt like my bubbliness was a problem, and to be stuck in a situation where I always feel judged by not only his friends but him too. I really do love him because on a deeper level we get each other, but then again, I'm slightly disgusted by the type of person he is and chooses to hang out with.
I really am considering breaking up with him, but there must be another way?
Most Helpful Guy
Well, it sounds like he likes you for who you are, but it is a bit of a problem that he's reluctant to bring you around his group of friends for fear of what they might think.
This is a tough situation, I can relate. I had an ex who I was crazy about one on one, but she definitely had some quirks and would say things around people that would make me cringe (on the inside). In her case, she seemed to be trying a bit too hard to fit in, to be someone she wasn't really.
I don't really know what advice to give you, it's a tough situation to be in, knowing information that you're not really supposed to know.
You could try and dial back your loud and bubbly personality a little bit and see how that goes...
But that's not really fair to you, your boyfriend should love you and be proud to be with you for who you really are, not who his friends think you should be.
You could also end the relationship and find someone who accepts you just how you are and who's excited to bring you around his friends because he knows that they will get to know and like you too...
Maybe before either of those you should just have a conversation with your boyfriend and don't directly tell him that you read what he wrote, but let him know you want to get to know his friends better and suggest doing things as a group. Maybe it's going out for drinks and dinner on a Saturday night, or going to a concert, or having a bonfire in the back yard with some of your friends and some of his friends.
If he's reluctant to do something like that, ask him why?
If you guys are going to be in a relationship, you should both get to know each others friends and be comfortable socializing together. It doesn't mean you alway have to be with him when he's with his friends, or he always has to be with you when you hang out with your friends, but once in a while it's good to do stuff together like that.
Most Helpful Girl
Well if you're going to break up with him because of his BEFORE thoughts.. that's quite silly don't you think? Everyone is entitled to think of someone in some way even if they are their significant other.. I mean he said this before and not now- his feelings changed clearly. However if you have a problem with his friends, the problem is only going to start now, he might begin to resent you and you him if you grow more to not like his friends and the type of person he is. I don't see how you can love someone that you're disgusted with.2