My friend with benefits/casual relationship abruptly told me he wants to only be friends and stop sleeping together. What should I do?

Back story. I met this guy online, we got along well, but he told me he wasn't interested in pursuing a further relationship. We decided to be friends. Well, that didn't really work because of the chemistry we had and our "relationship" morphed into a friends with benefits/casual dating situation. We'd meet up a few times a week, sometimes go on dates, sometimes just have sex. We talked a lot, texting all the time, spending long hours together. I really enjoy his company and was having a great time. We were pretty honest with each other about what we wanted out of our "relationship" and I thought we were on the same page, open to date other people but not being sexually active with others (neither of us typically pursue the casual thing). It lasted about 1.5 months.

This weekend, completely out of the blue (to me at least), he told me that he doesn't want to "ruin" our friendship and thinks we should stop sleeping together. I was shocked. I was having a good time and don't feel like our relationship (however you want to define it) had reached its end. I felt it was only just beginning. I was pretty upset/angry and he could tell.

Now I'm not sure what to do. I do care for him and enjoy his company, but the entirety of our "friendship" was sexual. I'm not sure it's realistic to just turn that off. In addition, he's the one that didn't want to pursue dating in the beginning, so I feel like it's not fair to me that he's making all of these decisions and expecting me to agree with them. Finally, we've spoken every day for almost 2 months, and he hasn't reached out to me since we had our discussion (3 days ago), is he letting me think? Or is he just totally done with me?


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What Guys Said 2

  • There are a few interpretations. One is that you were indeed just a convenient and superficial fling and if that's the case, I don't see where you have basis for complaint. He broke it off face to face, it seems, and that's the polite, if you will, way to do it.

    Another interpretation that come immediately to mind, and the one I'm most inclined to believe, is that he's met a real girlfriend and wants to become sexually active with her. If he'd told you this, I'm guessing you'd have ended it and, to blunt, it's much better to be the dumper than the dumpee.

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  • He only wanted you as a toy.. that's why he got so quickly bored. NO doubt there''s another girl sleeping with him now hoping it will turn into something lasting.

    There's no way to talk him out of this, so don't bother using any tricks.

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What Girls Said 1

  • If it's not what he wants, you have to respect that. He shouldn't continue to be part of something he's no longer wanting to pursue or makes him uncomfortable. Besides, this might be his nice way of saying he's probably finally in a serious relationship with somebody else, or he's found another fuck buddy and is so excited about this other woman that he wants nothing to get in the way of that.

    If the relationship you guys had was solely based on sex, then be done with him.

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