Boyfriend joining frat 500 miles away? will it work or not?

me and my boyfriend have been together almost 4 years now. I have been going to a csu about 2 hours away from my home town while he went to the jc in our home town. He is now transferring to a UC that is 9 hours away from me.
I use to come see him "EVERY" weekend besides finals. I did that because he didn't want me going out partying, he would get so mad if i even brought up the idea of me going out. He would say "only single people go out and party" or "why would you even want to put yourself in that situation" so i listened to him and didn't go out.( I go to the craziest party school in california so It was understandable)
- with his acceptance to this school he started to talk about joining a frat and I was totally against it because I see how wild they are where I live. all of the sudden things started to change. he starts wanting to go out with or without me and not telling me.(when we started dating he made me stop going out) so how he was acting was strange.
3 weeks left all he talked about was what frat he is going to be in and how many parties there will be. I would ask him why he is going out so much and why he's not telling me and why does he want to join this frat so badly, and he would say " we are just different people I like being social, I have to get ready for frat life" . He knew how I felt about the him joining a frat but he didn't really care about my opinion. I once begged him not to join and he said "I only do things in my own interest, I come first". I didn't even say anything to that comment.
Now he is gone we don't talk much because he is busy with frat stuff, school, or work which is reasonable but everytime I call him during the day he's with the frat boys and at night he is at the frat house having a party " with only boys, there is no girls here" (his words.) Some of my friends that have him on snap will call me asking if he "sent me that snap" and of course its a crazy frat party snap that I didn't receive.
(Should I be concerned?)


Most Helpful Guy

  • unfortunately a lot of men are control freaks. now that he has other things to occupy his time you have become just an already conquored object. dump him and go party. within a week or two you will find he is a distant memory. live your life now you only get one chance

    • How does one just erase four years though? That is what i am struggling with. :/

    • Show All
    • Ahh you both make this sound so easy!!! @abc3643

    • it's not easy, not claiming that, not the first time anyway... k I am going to be blunt here please don't take this the wrong way... go to a party find some guy that is worth drooling over, make sure he has a tool in his pants way bigger than your ex's and impale yourself on it. your ex will be a distant memory guaranteed! just the way women's brains work. I don't understand it but know it works ;)

Most Helpful Girl

  • I would be concern, only because "he comes first" and hasn't really acknowledged your feelings when you did bring it up with him and this frat life of his. It sounds like his doing as he pleases, without any concern of your emotions or thoughts behind it.

    • EXACTLY!!! like im so confused :(

    • I don think you'd enjoy being in a relationship where your boyfriend gives no attention to how you feel and even try to fix it. You're going to hate what his doing, he doesn't give a care in the world and doesn't respect it either, sounds like the relationship is crumbling.


Have an opinion?


Send It!

What Guys Said 2

  • Nope it will not work out. It's rough enough for women that men mature so slowly. All a frat will do is keep him immature for an extra 4 years. I say move on.

  • He's not ready to be in a super serious relationship right now.

    I get that that might sound odd given that y'all have been together for four years, but there's a gigantic difference between high school relationships and real world relationships. He now sees a different path he can go down, and I'm sorry to say that chances are very high you guys will break up.

    I know this won't help much right now, but the truth is that these things happen in life. You'll learn from it, move on, grow, and find something better. :)


What Girls Said 1

  • Whhhhy are you with him

    • now that I have read my post about 100 times im asking myself the same thing... I sounds so worse when its in writing rather than in my head. I feel as if i try to justify everything he does sometimes...

    • Show All
    • eehhh what should I do because i dont want to break up but i just want to see if we can fix it? I know its hard because he is so far away but its like what would I even say to him?

    • Well first you need a huge talk about his controlling, possessive behavior. Thats only gonna espcalste as far as you let it