How do I get him to treat me like a priority?

It's often implied that its important for a guy to treat us girls like a priority, instead of an option, and that a woman has to be a prize. But I'm confused as to how to do this. I've been seeing someone for nearly 3 months, and I'm becoming frustrated because I never know when we're seeing each other next. He never initiates plans anymore, and most of his free time is spent with friends or working on his car. I have no issue with him doing either of those things, but I do make time for someone I like. We see each other once a week, and the last 3 dates were all initiated by me.

I've already communicated a month ago that things felt a little different between us, and at the time he had some personal problems to work through. I told him, if dating wasn't a priority at the moment, I'd rather know now before things became closer between us but he said he still wanted to date me.

We've become more relaxed again since I said that, but I still feel like I'm the one putting in all the effort. I don't want to jump the gun and confront him AGAIN but nor do I want to play games. Please help.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • huh? excuse me. Screw that. Women are not the prize or the priority anymore. Maybe he is not interested in you anymore or doesn't find you attractive or something. Goodluck trying to get a man to treat you as a prize. Its 2016 so you better change than attitude quick

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    • 3mo

      No I agree, the whole general dating mindset these days seems very selfish. I don't have such high regard for myself that I consider myself "prize" to be won (bad wording I guess in my question), I just like a guy, but I feel things are one-sided at the moment. I've already given him the opportunity to say if he wasn't interested, but turns out that wasn't the case.

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    • 3mo

      Possibly. I'm going to leave it up to him to initiate the next date; I guess if things don't improve I'll move on :(

    • 3mo

      yup, sorry. But you can't be with a guy that doesn't want to put effort. Someone better will come along

Most Helpful Girl

  • When we like people, we make time for them to see them, as that grows the amount we prioritise them grows. At first maybe you're below friends and job, as we start to fall for someone eventually that overtakes friends and maybe even jobs/hobbies, and we'll invite them along to those activities/outings, we'll organise to see them.

    You can't MAKE yourself the priority. Either he wants you to come first (or at least somewhat important), or not. And I think you two are at different stages. The fact he makes NO effort? Is not a good thing. I mean I'd almost say he doesn't care at all.

    I think you deserve better and if you've tried talking and communicating this (which should come first), should move on.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Questions are the answers you need not opinions. Does he have a high stress job? Is he being based on performance? What are his political views? How is his body language?
    Are you putting guilt on him in anyway? Does he feel comfortable with you?

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    • 3mo

      Thanks for the opinion. To answer your questions: No, his job isn't that stressful. The hours are normal and isn't being judged on performance. His political views are irrelevant and have no impact on this situation. Body language was a little distant, but now more open since I communicated with him. I don't believe I have ever made him feel guilty; I've just been open and honest as I'm sure most guys would prefer a girl to be instead of bottling it up. And yes, I believe he does feel comfortable with me, as I do with him.

    • 3mo

      be more fun and personable. ... like the photo with the nurf gun wife. I had a girlfriend for 7 years and she just used me as a emotional tampon. when she did that consistently she got put on the back burner.

    • 3mo

      Ahaha emotional tampon! but yeh, I don't depend on someone for my own happiness. And i'll have to look up the Nerf Gun wife.

  • Sometimes I feel like the answer to 90% of women's relationship problems can be solved by kegals.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Of course, you also have feelings and you can't afford to have them played around with.
    I mean, this guy's telling you that he wants you, is there any reason why he'd say that if he didn't? Once a week in my opinion isn't really much if you live close together, I mean especially at 3 months surely things still feel pretty new.

    I know you don't want to ask him again, but honestly you do need your re-assurance. Explain to him that you'd like to spend more time with him, you understand he may be busy but you are 100% committing to being official with this guy you at least expect something back, right? At least want to spend a few nights a week with him?

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    • 3mo

      I guess my belief is that because he's "got me" he knows he can see me anytime he wants but that's not how it works with me. I also have a life, need to make plans for the coming week, and I would like him to be a part of those plans (and vice versa). I feel like things have improved since we last communicated when we're together (he became less affectionate) and he admitted he can distance himself without realising.

      We live about 30 minutes apart, he drives, I don't. So whilst its not a massive distance, it's not always doable for several nights a week together. Personally, seeing him twice a week would be the max for me. We both like our space.

    • 3mo

      * he probably feels he can see me

  • You can't force someone to prioritize you. It has to come with the individual's intentions and initiative. It is either there or it isn't. The effort has to come from them otherwise, it will feel as if you are nagging.

    But I can tell you this, don't settle for anything less than what you deserve.

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  • Don't confront him. Talk to him. Tell him that you miss seeing him l and spending time together. After the conversation give him about 2 weeks to see if his behavior changes because maybe he doesn't realize that he is isolating himself from you. And within that 2 weeks if he doesn't put forth the effort I think it's time to move on. Don't allow yourself to continue to be the option. If he is not going to work toward a relationship with you it's better to end things now.

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  • You tired of initiating things first and you want to feel wanted then stop initiating.
    Obviously he's not interested enough to ask you out first.. Or he doesn't need to bc you already doing everything for him.
    Just give him some time and stop initiating contact/meet up for now. And see how he treats you.

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