Can you blame an 18 year old?

My older sister ruined our childhood really bad. My older sister is mentally ill and she made us crazy while growing up, she dragged everyone down to her depression and she made all of us feel like shit and she wanted to ruin our lives, When i was 12 i got sick really bad and had to go through a rough treatment for about 4,5 years, i sat at home a lot and she literally drove me crazy back then, cursing at me and yelling at me and bullying me, she never had any friends, never worked and just made our lives a hell, she dragged everyone to her level and never wanted us to make friends and enjoy life, me and my sis were too young and we didn't had parents so she took advantage of us. She is truly an evil person, she is 29, has no friends, never had a man, sits at home all day, doesn't do anything, no work in ten years, no school, just her and the computer. I am 24 and she took my ability to make friends, she took away my youth, she took away my youth, she took away my peace of mind and for that i will never forgive her, i have no friends, never had a boyfriend, never had anything pretty much, i messed up my schooling at 18 following her advice, and i lost my peace of my mind back then, i didn't had the strength to pick myself up and i was very sad and i knew i was be alone. How can i ever pick my life up again/?


Most Helpful Guy

  • So she is evil because someone treated her evil and was scared. She wasn't strong enough to get out of it and remains in fear. She passed the fear onto you. You are realizing what has been going on and are fighting to get out of it. Many others have gotten out of this.

    Think of it this way... in terms of "cups". For those years, someone was pouring poisonous stuff into your cup... fear, control, depressing you (because she was scared, shameful and angry). The solution to get out... draining yourself of that stuff, avoid negative junk as much as you can, and fill up with the good stuff that you really want.

    Draining the bad stuff - talk about it to God, or here, or friends and let it go. ... and hand it over to God/Jesus, that is what he does and what he did for man/woman kind. Forgive... yourself and your sister and mom. you said you will never forgive... if you do that, then you will hang onto the anger. You don't have to forget what she did or allow her to still do it, but forgive in that you understand she is sick and that wasn't really "her" doinug it, but her sickness. It is the hardest thing to do... but the best thing for you.

    Avoid negative - put up boundaries where you can so you don't take on more. if you have to move out, then work a plan to do that. just putting up protective boundaries emotionally will help.

    good stuff - find sources that fill you up and make you feel good with Joy, love. Go to museums and see art, try new things socially, go hiking, take trips, love yourself, respect yourself, the list is endless! find the good and beauty in peopleand enviornment, it is there...

    The question remains... where is your father?


Most Helpful Girl

  • What is every post you made or comment just so you can talk bad about tour family. Ok I get it maybe they did treat you bad but you don't have to go out of your eay just to whine about it and tell people. Plus calling yoir mom the b word in another post you made is just pathetic. So what if she didn't you wrong. My mom let my brother rape and molest me for years and my dad would beat me but you don't see me saying bad things about them

    • 1mo

      At some point you have to learn to take some of the blame as you're an adult. You can take care of yourself now and stop blaming others for your life now. If you don't like it change it and stop blaming others

What Guys Said 3

  • If you can have just a single line as your life story today, it should be "I am a survivor."

    Abuse at home is one of the most psychologically devastating things that can happen to a person, and the fact that you can see things clearly from a higher level, speaks volumes about your emotional intelligence.

    I won't sugar coat it - reclaiming your life is a difficult process that can take years, but just from what you have written, I can tell that it's well within your ability.

    If you can afford therapy at all, I would do it. But keep in mind, it may take a few tries before you have a true connection with someone. If I were to give you my biased answer, I would try to find a female therapist that you could identify with or see as a helpful family member.

    If you can't afford therapy right now, you will need to give yourself time. You are going to need lots and lots of time in self care so you can build up some emotional reserves and start working on yourself.

    You have to identify what the core feelings are that you aee trying to get over. You might feel cheated and angry, but those feelings originate from deeper emotions. They could be regret, shame, fear, hopelessness, etc.

    Once you identify your core feelings, you will need to explore where those feelings come from. Where they caused by your sisters actions? Were they caused by other forces?

    Its vitally important that you find the root cause of your negative feelings so you can process them and move forward with your life.

    Its going to take time and its going to be hard, but never ever forget that your are a survivor, and now is the time for you to begin the healing process.

  • I can be ur friend if you want. I don't mind everyone needs a hug at some point in their life. :/

  • Hurt people hurt people


What Girls Said 0

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