My jealousy and trust issues are seriously ruining things with men before we even become anything? Help?

I'm 22. I don't know why I have such a bad timing with believing in what guys tell me. I'm guessing it's because my dad taught me to never trust anyone, especially men. I never used to be the jealous type either, it's something that has reared its head this past year. It started after I met a total player dude, attached feelings, was toyed around and used, whatever, I'm over it. But after, I'm a wreck. The last guy I was beginning to see, I freaked out on him and he was like woah, we cannot continue this, and he didn't want to see me again. Now, I'm talking to a guy.. And I see my patterns happening all over again. I realllllly like this guy, so I've been trying to play it as cool as possible.. I think this is the most I've ever liked a dude before. But.. I get SO upset of such little trivial things. Like, I'll see a new girl added on his Facebook friend list (which I check daily *cringes* I should stop..) and I had a half hour period of being totally upset, mind going to "omg he must have just met her and they hit it off, stalk her Facebook, look into every detail, omg who is she, blah blah". Not until the next day did I realize how ridiculous it is. Or I'll see him like a picture or a post, and immediately I'll just internally freak out. It makes me feel so ugly, and I'm not an ugly person. I just want to let things be but I can't because of my curious nature and wanting to know everything possible just in case I may get hurt or to prevent myself from getting hurt.. But when I'm doing this, I hurt myself and possible future with said men. What do I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • calm down and breath woman damn it
    this jealousy will kil the relationship
    either control it or dont wast his time

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can relate to how you are feeling. I went through the same thing as you had and what helped me was CBT, you can take it yourself or instead go to a therapist about your jealousy and trust issues. It helps you to change your thinking which will lead to changing of feeling and lastly you'll change the way you behave every time the situation get's creeped back up in you. You can change and be a better version of yourself, you got to put effort into changing your old habits and thought pattrens about men in general. Having a diary journal to write your thoughts everyday would be a good idea and ask yourself 5 queations: 1. When/where were you 2. What was the event 3. What was the emotion 4. Your automatic thought 5. What rational respone would I give myself. Every time you feel anxious, depressed, sad, angry.. etc begin to understand why you feel that way and how you can look at it in a different way. There's an app called " catch it " you should check it out.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Learn how to just chill. Things will be, or they won't. Stressing out, being suspicious, playing Facebook Detective, etc, all that shit will ENSURE that things won't 'be'.

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    • 2mo

      Lol'd at "playing Facebook defective" ... That's exactly what I'm doing, oh my god hahah

What Girls Said 1

  • Calm the fuck down and trust your partner other wise your going to keep repeating the cycle... give people your trust until they give you a reason to not to

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