Girls, She gives me a laundry list of why I can do better?

So I meet this girl not too long ago. She was a victim of sexual assault and her parents really are kind of assholes to her. She is a thick girl, but she barely has any fat on her body, she is just built that way. I absolutely LOVE it. She is short, fair skin, freckles, omg she is so beautiful and exactly what I want in a woman physically, however she finds herself ugly. I'm a successful technical professional working on moving my career to the next level. She does one thing no other woman has for me: encourages and supports me. Basically, we talked for about a month, hung out a couple times and I ended up telling her that we should just be friends. I just didn't feel like I made her happy or that she really liked me that much. She went ape-shit and told me all this stuff about how that wasn't the case, so I gave her a chance. We ended up getting together, but she was always so distant. Eventually I broke up with her because of inappropriate "friendships" with ex's and made it very clear I wouldn't tolerate that. I'm not *that* jealous, but I know when a guy is trying to move in on my woman. She immediately begins dating another guy and gets screwed over, tries to come back, backs out so I just cut off all communication with her for a few weeks and start moving on. She had given me this list of things like "you only want sex, you expect too much from me, you don't like my friends, you are so much older (I'm 10 years her senior). Fine, go do your thing, it is okay but I won't be on your back burner. The other day she tells me "She was scared because I made her feel loved and want to fall in love with me and it freaked her out and made her run." when I ask if she just wants closure. I ask her on a date, she eagerly accepts and then today tells me "you can do better than me with a list of what are essentially insecurities. "I'm broke, I may be pregnant, I have no ambitions." etc. Told her sounds like an "It isn't you it is me." She denied it, but I'm curious.


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What Girls Said 3

  • I think she sounds like a headcase no offense if you like her a lot... but sometimes some things aren't meant to work out for reasons unknown till later... maybe she's truthfully doing you a favor that you dont know yet... look how many issues you have had just trying to date this female... think about the trust issues that would arise... her talking to exs.. her body shame.. her self insecurity... she has no goals sounds like... she sounds like she's put herself in some bad predicaments... it can go on and on.. some people in life your better to watch from afar there amazing to look at but up close its a complete mess... and she has some bags to unpack and clean up before attempting to have a serious relationship... and are you digging this female because she's a hot mess or because you think you ca change her world for her... because you can't... no offense but this female has mental issues to work threw and only she can do that on her own and in her own time... hence why you have been "on call or the back burner" .. not because she was freaked its bc mental problems and trust issues which eventually destroy your relationship or her and you...

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    • 2mo

      Kind of exactly what I was thinking. It has been a big mess from the start. She has made it a point to pursue me, then pulls some BS like that. I've told her flat out that I'm about to just close the door on this whole thing forever. I just really wanted some other opinions before I made that decision.

    • 2mo

      I would because as much as you like this chick she is not returning the affection and interest... its hard walking away from someone you like but sometimes its really not your place or your investment to make... maybe she will work threw the bullshit and come out a better person then maybe you can revisit the idea but this girl needs a professional not a man.. and sounds to me she does not or is not ready to change

  • Someone broke her and bad, we all have that one person that breaks us, it sounds like hers was mentally. She can't see herself in the same way you see her. She can't understand why someone who looks like you, as kind as you are etc., wants her because she keeps hearing what a few guys who probably claimed they loved her said. It doesn't matter why they said it they did and enough of them that she bought it. A girl like that is work, but in the end, and with the right guy, she will bloom into something beautiful. I've been where she is i understand what she's going through.

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    • 2mo

      And see, this is the other side of the coin I'm torn on. She was hurt incredibly badly, devastated. I don't know if I'm the guy to bring her back, but hearing someone tell you that "You showed them that they can love again, and feel loved again." That they don't want closure because you make them happy, it is pretty confusing, so I can only imagine how confused she must be at the moment.

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    • 2mo

      You are completely right. At least for her I can't do that, but this has happened several times before. I won't speak with her for a while, she starts getting close to me, tells me how much she cares about me and misses me, then hangs out with me. We hang out she just talks about the other guys she is talking to, who she is sleeping with. How they are better than me in "x ways" and talking down about me while wanting me to compliment her, just all kinds of stuff to drive me away. Then today was telling mutual friends how she rejected me and was laughing about it. Serious issues there. Partially an ego boost and partially a coping mechanism. I wouldn't say that I "can't" do that. I feel the wording is wrong. I just don't have it in me to allow myself to be treated that way. She did already mention that "I just need to leave her and get it over with." She wanted to drive me away and it did work this time.

    • 2mo

      Then stay away man he talking down to you like that only lead to her poisoning you and you dont need that

  • She is extremely insecure and broken. She needs to work on herself before she is ready for a relationship. The reason she is acting like this is because she feels like she isn't even worth the interest of another person.

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    • 2mo

      Thank you for that insight. She also mentioned tonight that "she knew it wouldn't go anywhere." when I wasn't even really aware she was looking at any kind of relationship. There is a good chance I could be accepting a new job 2 hours away pretty soon anyway so I was wondering if that may have had something to do with it.

    • 2mo

      Someone told me once that "It's easier to be mad than to be sad." I feel for both of you and I hope she gets the help she needs and I hope you find something who will make you just as happy

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