Ok, let me word that better. I see people on here say "Oh we got into a fight and it turned physical. We've been together for over 5, 10, 15 years and this argument got especially heated. Should I leave him?" and I wonder "it was just one time and there's not a pattern of violence there. Why not let it slide this once? It seems normal enough"
I think it's because of the few that the violence might escalate or become more frequent over time which can happen. My girlfriend has slapped me or thrown things at me a couple of times but she wasn't trying to hurt me properly and I know it's not gonna escalate so it's no big deal, plus I probably deserved it.
I also think it's just to do with how much we're taught to abhor violence in modern society. It depends on upbringing too I suppose. I was always taught never to hit women but if someone hit me to hit them back twice as hard and look after myself like my parents were taught. Obviously I'll see it differently to someone who was encouraged to tell the teacher or ring the police over even a tiny bit of violence. I think some people are a bit OTT with it.
Well it shouldn't "seem normal enough" if you ask me, and people contemplate leaving typically because violence, no matter how rare, can be a precursor to more violence in the future. Once you dip your toe into the pool you may just like the temperature a little too much and take the plunge.
However, I get what you're saying. You don't necessarily have to break up with your husband or wife of fifteen years if you receive a little shove in the middle of a super intense argument. However if someone say, punches you square in the face, that's more of an offense that shouldn't be taken lightly.
Either way, violence in a relationship shouldn't be tolerated, and if it happens, once or not, it needs to be addressed and if it continues then it's time to go.
If you really care for your partner you wouldn't hit them, no matter how heated the argument is, cause your SO's well being is more important than any stupid argument. Getting violent is the beginning of the end.
This is a really good question. I honestly don't know the right answer, but I think it will all come down to your past. If you are always "hot headed" or even want to "lash out", but hold back... the moment you cross the line it will be over. Now if you are always calm, and it happened out of the blue and there is no serious damage, then I think your boyfriend might forgive you but you'll be walking on egg shells.
We all know that violence is NEVER necessary, EVER. I find violence inexcusable, intolerable, and never justified. A slap in the face is totally uncalled for and will be enough reason for me to leave a relationship for good, no matter how long we have been together. That is how strongly I feel about violence.
On the other hand, my SO always knows how I feel about physical violence, and that sort of thing is very unlikely to happen.
I think there are very few things that justify violence. A partner you love for years cheating on you could definitely merit a slap, be they male or female.
I like the bitchy kind of playful violence. I had a girl in the habit of expressing her utmost exasperation, when I had outwitted and trolled her by slapping my arm. Loved it, felt like victory and was cute.
But someone that seriously tries to hurt you can fuck right off.
Do you come from a home where violence happened? How else do you get the idea that once can be once, and that that makes it okay?
Some things are just heinous, even if you only do it once.
If I assault your sister, are you okay with it just being once?
Never, in all of my relationships, even when I was boiling mad, have I ever felt the need to or actually lashed out with physical violence towards my significant other. Never. The same goes for those I've been in relationships with. If it gets that bad, walk away, punch a pillow, scream into the wind, but you don't physically hurt your partner.
It does not matter if you are the man or the woman in that relationship---YOU DON'T HIT EACH OTHER! I would not stay in any type of relationship where my partner hit me because where do you think it all starts? If he thinks its okay or justified to hit you... and you are just arguing with words, that's a major red flag and one of the warning signs of abuse. Many guys because they are stronger physically than their partner, don't often report or acknowledge that a girlfriend or wife hitting them is abuse, but it very much is; it's any unwarranted physical action against your partner.
Is it normal for your teacher or your boss to just hit you or punch you or throw you around... so why then would you think it's normal for someone who claims they love or like you to do the same?
Physical abuse is not "normal" or healthy. All couples may have disagreements or arguments, but how the couple handles it is extremely important. Physical violence during an argument is never okay and should not be tolerated. I don't think it matters how long someone has been together, that doesn't excuse violent behavior.
As for whether or not someone should "let it slide," I suppose that depends on the circumstances and how the individual person feels about it. Personally though, I will never be okay with someone using physical violence against me and that's not something I'm willing to overlook or "let slide" in a relationship.
I grew with that type of household. I'm not interested in repeating that in any of my future relationships. One single hit or even getting threatened to get hit shows me this person has serious anger management problems and doesn't have sufficient skills to handle stressful situation or disagreements without relying on getting physical. That's an absolute deal-breaker to me.