Why is (rare) physical violence against your SO bad?

Ok, let me word that better. I see people on here say "Oh we got into a fight and it turned physical. We've been together for over 5, 10, 15 years and this argument got especially heated. Should I leave him?" and I wonder "it was just one time and there's not a pattern of violence there. Why not let it slide this once? It seems normal enough"


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's because of the few that the violence might escalate or become more frequent over time which can happen. My girlfriend has slapped me or thrown things at me a couple of times but she wasn't trying to hurt me properly and I know it's not gonna escalate so it's no big deal, plus I probably deserved it.

    I also think it's just to do with how much we're taught to abhor violence in modern society. It depends on upbringing too I suppose. I was always taught never to hit women but if someone hit me to hit them back twice as hard and look after myself like my parents were taught. Obviously I'll see it differently to someone who was encouraged to tell the teacher or ring the police over even a tiny bit of violence. I think some people are a bit OTT with it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well it shouldn't "seem normal enough" if you ask me, and people contemplate leaving typically because violence, no matter how rare, can be a precursor to more violence in the future. Once you dip your toe into the pool you may just like the temperature a little too much and take the plunge.

    However, I get what you're saying. You don't necessarily have to break up with your husband or wife of fifteen years if you receive a little shove in the middle of a super intense argument. However if someone say, punches you square in the face, that's more of an offense that shouldn't be taken lightly.

    Either way, violence in a relationship shouldn't be tolerated, and if it happens, once or not, it needs to be addressed and if it continues then it's time to go.

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What Guys Said 19

  • People who love and respect each other should be able to deal with their issues without EVER resorting to physical violence. Period.

    Physical violence, at the very least, shows a complete lack of respect for your significant other. And it could lead into an abusive relationship.

    So, nobody should ever "let it slide", in my opinion. When arguments get physical, you should end it.

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  • If you really care for your partner you wouldn't hit them, no matter how heated the argument is, cause your SO's well being is more important than any stupid argument.
    Getting violent is the beginning of the end.

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    • 2mo

      The thing is is that I'm afraid of getting angry and in my anger lashing out at my partner, and if I do I don't want it to keep happening or for him to leave me

    • 2mo

      Then fix that problem. You can't expect your partner to deal with your violence while you do nothing about it.

    • 2mo

      I am trying, it's just no matter how much i try and work on it I always worry that one day I'll slip up

  • This is a really good question. I honestly don't know the right answer, but I think it will all come down to your past. If you are always "hot headed" or even want to "lash out", but hold back... the moment you cross the line it will be over. Now if you are always calm, and it happened out of the blue and there is no serious damage, then I think your boyfriend might forgive you but you'll be walking on egg shells.

    *I'm not saying it is right to hit your SO.

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  • Violence is bad whether it is rare or not doesn't matter. Right now it's restricted to just once but tomorrow this number might increase.

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  • first of all it's usually WOMEN that initiate physical violence, so the question is flawed with a sexist fallacy, it should say "her" if only one gender-the more VIOLENT gender by studies.

    and because violence is childish...

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    • 2mo

      and to your (flawed) question-for the same reason it's usually women: because feminism teaches us women are ALWAYS the victim (thus why female on male violence is OKAY) thus women tend to LOOK FOR any reason to play victim... that's why.

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      Yeah, they'll usually ask "You're both blokes... why didn't you just hit him back?"

    • 2mo

      if only cops would just do their fucking job. judges too

  • If your anger is so uncontrollable that you will hit the person you love most in the world, you have a serious problem.

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  • i agree, people separate too quickly nowadays.

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  • It's violence so of course it's bad but people think it's only bad if the man is the aggressor and the woman is the victim. People think it's "empowering" if it's the other way around.

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  • If someone gets away with physical violence most likely they will keep doing it... you don't ever let anyone hurt you like that, even if you've known them for a long while.

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  • We all know that violence is NEVER necessary, EVER. I find violence inexcusable, intolerable, and never justified. A slap in the face is totally uncalled for and will be enough reason for me to leave a relationship for good, no matter how long we have been together. That is how strongly I feel about violence.

    On the other hand, my SO always knows how I feel about physical violence, and that sort of thing is very unlikely to happen.

    Just my opinion

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  • i have seen girls say i hit him and he hit me back
    should i made at him / leave him / call the cops
    dear if u hit the person dont expect him to smile and hug u

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  • You usually love each other and shouldn't hurt another then

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  • Cause it's violence

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  • Nah, i don't think its particularly bad

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  • You shouldn't hit someone you care about.

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  • trust me hun its not what you want

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  • I think there are very few things that justify violence. A partner you love for years cheating on you could definitely merit a slap, be they male or female.

    I like the bitchy kind of playful violence. I had a girl in the habit of expressing her utmost exasperation, when I had outwitted and trolled her by slapping my arm. Loved it, felt like victory and was cute.

    But someone that seriously tries to hurt you can fuck right off.

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  • Do you come from a home where violence happened? How else do you get the idea that once can be once, and that that makes it okay?

    Some things are just heinous, even if you only do it once.

    If I assault your sister, are you okay with it just being once?

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    • 2mo

      I don't come from a home that's violent, I mean I've been slapped a couple of times by my mum, and my mum yells at everyone (and usually we yell back) but no abuse.

      It's not like you're killing or raping someone...

      If you touch my sister, or my brother, you're lucky if you can walk the next day.

    • 2mo

      "I mean I've been slapped a couple of times by my mum, and my mum yells at everyone"

      Right. So you grew up in a home that never taught you proper conflict resolution.

    • 2mo

      Well my dad did teach us that if someone is arguing like my mom does that you just wait it out and apologize for whatever they think you did wrong, and carry on with your life

  • Because it opens the gates to hell...

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What Girls Said 8

  • Never, in all of my relationships, even when I was boiling mad, have I ever felt the need to or actually lashed out with physical violence towards my significant other. Never. The same goes for those I've been in relationships with. If it gets that bad, walk away, punch a pillow, scream into the wind, but you don't physically hurt your partner.

    It does not matter if you are the man or the woman in that relationship---YOU DON'T HIT EACH OTHER! I would not stay in any type of relationship where my partner hit me because where do you think it all starts? If he thinks its okay or justified to hit you... and you are just arguing with words, that's a major red flag and one of the warning signs of abuse. Many guys because they are stronger physically than their partner, don't often report or acknowledge that a girlfriend or wife hitting them is abuse, but it very much is; it's any unwarranted physical action against your partner.

    Is it normal for your teacher or your boss to just hit you or punch you or throw you around... so why then would you think it's normal for someone who claims they love or like you to do the same?

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  • Physical abuse is not "normal" or healthy. All couples may have disagreements or arguments, but how the couple handles it is extremely important. Physical violence during an argument is never okay and should not be tolerated. I don't think it matters how long someone has been together, that doesn't excuse violent behavior.

    As for whether or not someone should "let it slide," I suppose that depends on the circumstances and how the individual person feels about it. Personally though, I will never be okay with someone using physical violence against me and that's not something I'm willing to overlook or "let slide" in a relationship.

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  • Because that can be the beginning of a pattern of violence.

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  • I grew with that type of household. I'm not interested in repeating that in any of my future relationships.
    One single hit or even getting threatened to get hit shows me this person has serious anger management problems and doesn't have sufficient skills to handle stressful situation or disagreements without relying on getting physical. That's an absolute deal-breaker to me.

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    • 2mo

      I grew up with parents that love screaming at each other and one that loves screaming at me. I'd prefer being punched I being yelled at

    • 2mo

      I won't tolerate any type of disrespect from a boyfriend, much less a husband. It's not normal to me.

    • 2mo

      I don't want any disrespect but I'm afraid of going from a well fiction ing couple to one like your parents or mine

  • You let your boyfriend/girlfriend hit ou once and you forgive them they start thinking it's okay to hit you and you'll just forgive them again...

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    • 2mo

      The thing is is that I'm afraid of getting angry and in my anger lashing out at my partner, and if I do I don't want it to keep happening or for him to leave me. If he'd forgive me, I'd never think it was ok to do it.

    • 2mo

      If you guys really care for each other it'll never escalate that far. Go for a walk if you feel like you need to resort to violence and if you really think you'll lash out and hit him you need to leave before either of you get hurt.

  • take a real punch and then post your experience..

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    • 1mo

      I have been punched, hard, multiple times. I was bullied for most of middle school

  • People don't make the people they love, cry or be hurting. In any way.

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  • I think it's if the injured SO has a chance to hit the other SO back!

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