I don't know if it's ME, or it's time to end my relationship because it's HIM?

Okay so I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. Were both in college, the same one, but everyone knows college relationships are quite hard to manage. My boyfriend is in a fraternity, which it has its perks, but causes a lot of problems with the constant partying, drinking, and f***ing randoms influence. My boyfriend tends to think that life seems so fun and he goes back and forth wether he wants to be in a relationship or not. When he goes through these waves, my anxiety goes crazy. Sometimes he will break up with me, and then beg for me back a day later, but the instability has my mind going crazy and I find it so hard to forgive him. So when we get back together, I constantly bring up all his mistakes, and question him "why" all the time. I have an anxiety disorder so I know I do give him a really really hard time. He could tell me the night we broke up I didn't do anything and I won't believe him and I'll constantly question him, and try to find some way to prove that he did. I think this all stems from not trusting him, because of his constant instability of wanting to be with me or not. One thing I could say, is that my boyfriend IS amazing. He is everything I ever wanted. He goes above and beyond for me constantly, always buys me food, gets me flowers, takes me to class, is amazing to my family, and honestly I think its me thats making him act this way. and its me thats pushing him to the edge with all my questions, doubts, and accusations. I always take him back because I know what a great man he is, and its all my insecurities because of the times he has left me because I was "annoying, controlling, or always wanting to argue" and I really just don't know what to do. If I can't get myself to trust him again I feel like it's always going to be like this. But at the same time, it's like I know I deserve someone that can't just drop me over a text and then change their mind the next day. I'm having a really hard time deciding what to do.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Leave him and either move on or wait for him to realize who he has and changes but you have to stay strong until it happens

    • do you think its possible for a guy to really "change" in college, or am i going to have to stick it out and wait for him to really mature and leave this college environment, we only have 2 years left here. Don't know if its worth it, but I don't want to lose him.

    • If you don't want to lose him then he hasn't pushed you far enough yet and he's going to also think that he can keep acting that way anyone can change when they realize it's the right thing to do or what they need to do so either way it would at least show you where you stand I changed for someone simply because I wanted to make her happy and be the best I could and she destroyed me after I changed what she wanted but we are still together and now she's changing but that didn't happen till I left for a little while and she realized who she had and what was wrong with her actions for herself

What Girls Said 2

  • I don't know if it's intentional on his part, but that's manipulative as f*ck. I would definitely recommend you leave him, and stay firm in that decision once it's made. I've had an unfortunate amount of experience with manipulative partners, and this is exactly what they do; they do something that they know makes you uncomfortable, then once you bring it up with them, they become all sweetness and adoration. They make you feel like you're being too harsh, like you're constantly overreacting, like you're just crazy because how could such a lovely person do something like that?

    You're not overreacting. His good qualities do sound great, but his behaviour the rest of the time just isn't worth putting up with. A relationship ought to be a solid team, not one person having to continuously try to guess what the next drama will be when the other decides they're bored.

    This is something you'll need to put your foot down on, and I know that's horribly scary. These people make it near impossible to confront them, because they're so good at turning things back at you. But it will ultimately be so much better for you if you can manage it, and hopefully he'll learn a thing or two if he's lucky as well.

  • Drop him. You deserve better.

    • I tell myself that, and then I truly at the end of the day think it's me. He's never done anything wrong to me specifically for me to feel this way. I feel like if I was a boy in college and I had a girl always questioning me, and fighting with me over stupid things, and giving me a hard time about hanging out with friends, etc. I feel like I would want to be alone too. But I don't know if I'm just blindsided, and he's the problem. I do know I'm a bit controlling and I blame it mainly on my anxiety disorder but I feel like no matter how annoyed of him I was I wouldn't break up with him multiple times impulsively, and then notice I messed up days later (which is what he tends to do). It's not fair to me.