Why don't guys understand rejection?

Long story short, this guy likes me, however, I do not feel the same way. His advances towards me makes me feel uncomfortable and I told him that. (By the way, we're seniors in HS, and he sits next to me in my class). I told him that I don't want him sitting next to me, so he told our teacher what was going on; he wants to fix the problem we have. But I told this guy that I do not like him and he makes me uncomfortable. What should I do? (I have no idea why he told our teacher in the first place)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You should keep telling him that you don't want him until he's convinced. And we do understand rejection, just some guys are too annoying and like to insist because they hope they'll chance something instead of just moving on.

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What Guys Said 62

  • Be direct and tell the guy to leave you alone. If he asks why, either don't give him one and just repeat "just leave me alone" or feel free to tell him why he makes you feel that way so he can learn and be a better person as well. Because most guys don't try to make girls feel uncomfortable and would actively change if they only knew how to do so. But if you're going to stick with just telling him to leave you alone and he doesn't...

    Tell the teacher you really just want the guy to stay away from you in class, because he makes you uncomfortable. You don't really need more of a reason than that. It's his job to help his students in that environment. If the teacher asks why he makes you feel uncomfortable, then feel free to tell him. If not, then say " that's just how he makes me feel and I really don't want him sitting next to me".

    Other than that, publicly tell this guy to leave you alone. Get other people involved if it comes down to it. If he feels public social pressure from the group he's highly likely to back down from what he's doing.

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  • Some girls aren't direct enough. You telling him not sitting next to you can be for a number of reasons. You need to be a bit more direct and stop giving him your very tiny mini hints. Go up to him and say "I think you are interested in me. If this is the case, I am really not interested in you. Stop these advances please, they are getting on my nerves" If he still wants to sit next to you maybe he likes you as a person which is a compliment and if he is okay then why not sit next to him. Unless he is a major drag and really annoying.

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  • Just ask for a seat change. Any reasonable teacher would accommodate their students in that way. Switching a seat around is so much easier then dealing with drama in your classroom. Teachers want to teacher, not discipline students constantly.

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  • Because people are socialized to think if you try hard enough then you'll eventually stop playing hard to get

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  • Some. guys seriously don't know the definition of "no" and think that you're just playing hard to get. Right... saying no isn't playing hard to get, it's flat out rejection.

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  • All of guys are aware that girls play hard to get. We always think of that especially if you say things that sound like rejection. He thinks that by having a good relationship with you, you would then be comfortable with him. I would suggest that talk to him really seriously about the situation and he would understand.

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  • He's obsessed maybe. Guys that have real feelings will be shut down. People that are obsessed keep coming

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  • I understand rejection when it comes my way. You need to tell the school principal or the superintendent.

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  • Yes, you're right some guys don't unfortunately that's true and especially if he is a guy who has lot of pride in him he finds it difficult to accept that not every woman will like him and even he can get rejected as well.

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  • Sometimes NO means NO, no matter how many times you ask

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  • he's not really smart although he kinda sounds like me lol

    I met this girl in a house party. immediately had a crush on her but I kept it cool because crushes are regular, right? months later I found out I'm in love with her. I chased her for 8 months, she rejected me countless times, she told me countless times how she doesn't feel anything for me but I kept going by doing things nobody else has ever done to her. I made her silly presentations, memes and all kinds of stuff. after a while she took me for granted and I didn't get anything in return.

    that's when I disappeared with a huge facebook message about how disappointed I am by her excuses she made up just to not go out with me whatsoever. I blocked her on facebook, we had no contact anymore and I cried like a baby that morning because I really loved her but I had my pride. didn't take exactly a week but she called me. she told me she doesn't like that I didn't give her a chance to respond and she has a couple things to ask. I didn't call her or unblock her on facebook or anything and a week later was my birthday and she didn't even say happy birthday. that was when I unblocked her and I was thinking about sending her a huge message about how important she is to me. but I decided not to.

    instead I sent her this simple message: I'm waiting for your questions.

    2 weeks later we went out for the first time. 2 months later we were a couple. she's the love of my life who's not with me anymore but I'm fighting for her again. and I'm gonna succeed because that's what I'm doing.

    I hope the guy will give you the cold shoulder sooner or later. or does something crazy you'd never expect from him and that thing will make your knees weak. love is good, love is life. don't fight it just let it flow, gal.

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  • Sounds like he is very persistant and kind of stupid lol. Get yourself a boyfriend thats not him and ignore him and/or tell the teacher to have you two separated. There is no "problem" and he doesn't have any right to try and "fix" anything between you two because obviously there isn't anything. Id let someone else (like a teacher) know that you want him to leave you alone. Because obviously he doesn't get it.

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  • Has he been aggressive or scary in any way? Or is he just annoying?

    If it's the latter, then just totally stonewall him. Tell him that your answer isn't going to change, and that you're no longer going to interact with him. Chances are good that he'll drop it and move on.

    If it's the former, then I'd go speak to a school counselor and discuss it with your parents immediately.

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  • Tell a guy that you like and find attractive that you want him to protect you. And then have him around as much as its possible. Maybe he even wants to start dating you after a while.
    Yeah, I know, sounds more like something out of a teen high school flick than real advice, but still.

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  • He thinks he can still win you over. I don't think you can really do much about him sitting next to you though. He's obviously not going to leave you alone so you need to tell your teachers he will not back off. Maybe even tell one of the vice principals responsible for your grade. You've stated how you feel about him so you need to get someone else to make him stop.

    Could you answer my question.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2112691-was-i-wrong-to-ask-for-the-money-back

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  • Oh lord, it's not just guys, sweetie. Believe me. But you must remember that guys are forced by society to be persistent. We're taught to either be persistent or be alone, so that's why he's not giving up with you.

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  • Just be straight with him and say you're not interested anymore.

    No one likes mixed signals, walking on eggshells, or being led on. Not that you're doing any of those but it's best to know where you stand with a person so you don't waste your time.

    If you tell him no and he still keeps going, then he has issues.

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    • 2mo

      I told him that he makes me uncomfortable multiple times. How is that sending mixed signals?

    • 2mo

      Like I said you are not sending mixed signals or the others. I was saying that in general.

  • Way to generalize honey. I should ask why all women are obsessed with money, shopping and painting their nails.

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  • I think you just have to ignore him and if he doesn't stop you should probably talk to the principal about it

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  • Simple. Half of girls are saying "I turned him down and he won't bug off!"

    The other half of girls are saying, "I turned him down and he didn't ask me out three more times so I would say yes? WTF quitters!"

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  • Did you approached him? if first you have shown him some interest and make him feel comfortable around you.

    first try to tell him politely that what bothers you , tell him clearly that you don't like him and a very specific and good reason for this. you could say I love or like some one else etc.
    (I dont know from where are you but in our country some boys are so crazy and insane that they throw acid on girls face whom they LOVE is this love.)
    give him warning not to contact or bother you otherwise you could complaint in police

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  • Naaaaah.. You just playing hard to get.

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  • Just let the guy be friends and be nice. If he asks you out again or what not then that's a problem. But if he doesn't and is just being friendly no need to make him feel like he is making you uncomfortable. I once had a girl reject me and was perfectly ok with that and nice to her afterwards. But she was a complete brat and made feel like garbage for being friendly to her even when I made no more advances after asking her out. I lost all feelings for her long ago but to this day if I do happen to occasionally remember her I do not think kindly of her due to her extreme immaturity and snotty attitude. Its too bad because things would have been brighter and more normal had she acted normal and not so annoying. But oh well.

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    • 2mo

      Love how women hate the line of thinking I laid out here. But just because a guy asks you out doesn't mean he's a creep or you are in the right to treat him poorly afterwards ignore him. When a girl I'm not intersted asked me out and turned me down I was still kind to her afterwards and viewed her as a friend. It's common decency to treat someone normal unless they are serious problem.

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    • 2mo

      I tried being friends with him 2 years ago, but he kept pushing my limits. He kept touching me. So I told him that I didn't want to be friends with him again. So for the remainder of that year, he left me alone. Now it's a new year, he's back at it again.

    • 2mo

      If he pushing the limits and being overly needy it's a problem. Especially if he's asking you out. I got the other extreme of that whole thing. I was literally as normal as possible, friendly, had no more interest, not even close to pushing the limits, respected her phusical boundaries and got junk treatment because no matter what she thought the worst of me because I asked her out for coffee

  • You just assume he doesn't get it when he could just want to return to speaking terms without hitting on you.

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    • 2mo

      I already tried that 2 years ago. It did not work out. He and I cannot be friends. Or anything more.

  • I've never been rejected. The key is to be too shy to even ask anybody anything that could get you rejected 👍

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    • 2mo

      Joke is on you then. You rejected yourself so nobody else has the chance to.

    • 2mo

      @1GuyOpinion
      No even if I did ask someone I wouldn't be rejected
      Simply because I wouldn't ask unlesss I was positive they wouldn't reject me
      If I had a single doubt in my mind I wouldn't ask.

  • I don't know I usually respect when girls are straight up lol I hate it when they don't tell you how they feel

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  • They do, just not all guys xD
    fix the problem? The teacher should keep you seperated lol

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  • Most people can't except rejection this is a genderless problem.

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  • "But I told this guy that I do not like him and he makes me uncomfortable."

    Did you literally say these words to him?

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    • 2mo

      Yes I did.

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    • 2mo

      He probably has autism, then.

    • 2mo

      Um if you did told that to his face and messaged him... I bet he has mental issues and that's why you are saying it so casually. Or you're just really mean, I would never say that to a girl because it WILL hurt their feelings no matter how unattractive (in my standards), annoying, and mean they are.

  • Tell him you're not interested in anything at all with him? I'm also assuming you're not 18-24..

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What Girls Said 21

  • All these boys in the comments assuming that you've done something to lead this guy on. It sounds like you've made things pretty clear with the guy, and I think going behind your back to the teacher is pretty lame.

    I guess just stop talking to him. I hate when you need to be cold like that, but sometimes guys give you no choice.

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  • this guy is clearly a creep. tell the teacher exactly what you have told us. tell the teacher that there is no problem beyond the fact that his advances make you feel uncomfortable, that you have already told this boy that and he still won't leave you alone. if the teacher is too stupid to respect that, then go above the teachers head and go to the principal and let ur parents know

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  • Lol they understand rejection... some just won't take no for an answer.
    Get the principal involved cause the teacher can only do so much.

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  • Maybe talk to your school counselor, your school needs to be safe and by putting you in a environment daily where you are feeling very uncomfortable and uneasy or unsafe then they are not providing that.. granted they can only do so much, but maybe they can move you both to opposite sides of the room where you have personal space. Also keep in mind as we get older there will always be a uncontrollable or uncomfortable situation we will have to deal with or approach, maybe see what your teacher has to say on the matter a lot of times teachers are a great resource they see you guys daily ;) if all this guy is doing is making it weird for you I would simply just ignore it things are only as awkward as you let them be, he's just a silly boy who thinks your the most beautiful girl in the school can ya blame the kid haha I seriously had noo guys try to chase me in school.. these are the kinds of things you will laugh at some day.. just let him down easy and dont loose your cool... and think about this its your last year !

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  • Maybe I have a biased opinion about this, but you need to get others involved. You need to be direct with him and say, "I've told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you, and you need to stop bothering me." At the same time that you do that, inform the teacher, at least one or two of your friends, and something else in authority (principal, counselor, etc) that someone is not leaving you alone. (That way you have multiple people who have this on their radar in a variety of locations and positions of authority.) I had a guy do this to me and it led to a year and a half of stalking where I narrowly avoided a sexual assault (thanks to a friend shield). Don't mess around with this.

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  • Just be polite and friendly with him but if he takes it too far you need to be serious and tell him up front. He kind of sounds like this one guy I knew in high school. He annoyed me more than anything but he wouldn't leave me alone.

    Every day his class was in the same direction as mine, and he'd always walk beside me trying to make conversation. I would talk to him but he would constantly try to flirt with me at school and online.

    I never entertained it and in spite of me being honest he wouldn't leave me alone. He kept calling me his "girlfriend" and every time he did I told him he was being disrespectful and I wanted him to leave me alone. He would apologize and later on do the same thing, so I just ignored him from then on because being nice and up front didn't work.

    I started leaving a little later or a little earlier so I wouldn't see him in the hall way. I'd ignore his messages online and eventually he stopped. He also moved away so there's that lol.

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  • many guys thinks that "persistent" is key, but it really isn't

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    • 2mo

      Its what many of us are thought by our mothers. If we are nice and keep doing so that she will like us back, but it doesn't eork that way.

  • It's a borderline sexual harassment case. Tell the principal.

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  • Be up front with him and tell him you're not interested and you don't want to be friends with him (which is what it sounds like). Be nice but stern. If he continues to overstep his bounds after that, go to the school staff (guidance counselor, principle) and tell them, they will sort it out.

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  • I had this problem once. I think they just are desperate and think if they keep trying, they'll get what they want. I can't stand guys like that, especially because most of them do it to more than one girl. I think you should ignore him. If he talks to you, give one word responses or pretend you don't hear him. If you need to, ask to switch seats in class

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  • I am not sure they understand human language

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  • You were upfront and honest with him, that's all one can expect. Just continue to be nice and friendly and leave him to think what he likes. Was he really that bad that you didn't want to sit next to him? Just stand your ground, but be nice and kind.

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  • maybe he is persistent and thinks you're v playing hard to get or maybe he can grow on you

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  • I don't know. Some guys are just like that.
    Pretty scary and creepy tbh.
    Same thing happened to me.
    Our seats got changed, my teacher yelled at him, and my friends started to ignore him.
    He stopped then and moved onto some other girl.

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  • he told the teacher so you won't make complaints but complain anyway!

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  • Stonewall him in the classroom. Class should be for paying attention, not flirting anyway. Just stop talking to him and don't respond when he talks to you. Some guys just enjoy getting a rise out of you. They can't get positive attention, so they settle for negative. Ignoring him takes that away.

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  • rejection is hard to accept.

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  • A lot of men don't understand or respect your feelings and your boundaries. It's incredibly annoying as fuck.

    This guy is overstepping boundaries. Talk to a school counselor on what to do about this specifically. Maybe ask the counselor if you should talk to the teacher or address him. I would probably tell him in a very stern tone, that he makes you feel uncomfortable and you're not interested in being friends. You need to be clear that you are not interested in speaking with him, and you are starting to feel unsafe.

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  • There are some people that don't understand what "No" means. When they want something or someone, they want it, no questions ask and they feel entitled to it.

    Another reason could be is that it's a game to them or that they refuse to believe that a girl could turn them down since they are full of themselves.

    One thing my father told me is make a scene if a boy refuses to leave me alone. This was also a tactic on a Lifetime movie I saw years ago, where this girl was raped, she tried to get justice for it, but nobody believed her. So, when the guy tried bother her again, she screamed right in the very heart of the public, and it SHOOK the crap out of him and he ran. So, if this guy is making you feel uncomfortable scream something like
    "I told you a million times to leave me alone!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!" You will embarrass him.

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    • 2mo

      Are there are other people who understand what "no" means, and aren't full of themselves. And they really want a particular girl to like them. And every time they see them they are filled with positive emotion and a desire to be with them. And when they don't see them they are filled with dreams of being with them.

  • because they have too much pride and can't even think that a girl can't be attracted to them

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  • Because they are dumb

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