Which gender has to put more effort into dating and relationships?

This includes appearance, approaching, attitude, manners, education, everything. Not just getting up the nerve to ask someone out.

  • Women, they have to deal with self maintenance and looking good all the time
    46% (444)12% (124)28% (568)Vote
  • Men, they're paying for everything and do all the approaching
    28% (276)72% (753)51% (1029)Vote
  • Other
    26% (251)16% (168)21% (419)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
2mo Good gravy, I didn't think so many people would respond to this XD

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Men!

    We have to deal with Approach Anxiety and REJECTION. If a man has poor skills, he can be labeled a "creep".

    Dating expectations are very lopsided. Men have to approach. Pay for dinner, drinks, movie, etc. And women still complain that Men just don't approach them. Well, I wonder why!

    The world is becoming increasing anti-male. Young Men going to Universities in the U. S. are being told they are potential Rapist.

    In Nottingham, U. K., a man can risk going to JAIL for approaching a woman. The Misogyny Law in Nottingham reads as follows...

    “Unwanted physical or verbal contact or engagement is defined as exactly that and so can cover wolf-whistling and other similar types of contact.

    jezebel.com/now-i-need-all-your-parenting-tips-and-recommendations-1786492639

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    • 2mo

      I blame feminism for the BS. However the good news is that some (but far from enough) women are waking up to this. These liberal misandry societal brainwashing direct impacts male confidence, lower their self esteem and ultimately frustrates women

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think women are already aware of just how important looks are to men. Women, being traditionally on the receiving end of being asked out etc., feel a disadvantage and therefore already put a lot of effort to improve the chances of being pursued. However, a lot of men that I know, aka the "nice" guys, constantly complain of how women "pass over them". The biggest factor I've noticed with these guys, and it really isn't about them not having 'looks', is their attitude, like they shouldn't have to put in an effort to attract the opposite sex and project an attitude "well you clearly are superficial because you won't look twice at me". I was talking to a younger friend of mine and he was telling me how his friends (who are my age/older than he by a few years) think they aren't attractive enough for women yet he hears the women they are speaking about say that the guys won't ask them out. And I told him: every single one of these guys are out of shape which is a controllable factor, yet they do nothing about it. These guys are all somewhat 'nerdy' yet never attempt to hold a conversation with these girls because they presume they don't have the same interests (which I know the people on both sides, puh-lease, you can either a) connect over something in common or b) connect by learning about each other's interests). I'm seeing a lot of lack of initiative, and a lack of self-reflection. Women are painfully aware of what they have and don't have to work with. We all just need to put our best foot forward, and if you don't like something about yourself either a) fix it and don't blame others for not doing something about it and b) if it isn't changeable, rock it as a unique part of you or minimize it and maximize your other assets that you love about yourself.

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    • 1mo

      Women care about looks too.

    • 1mo

      Easy for you to say when all you women have to do is sit on your ass and look pretty.
      Maybe stick your ass out or boobs and wait.
      Pathetic

    • 1mo

      This post makes no sense whatsoever, "Women put effort to improve chances of being pursued" you just contradicted yourself saying that women already are on the receiving end of being asked out, so how does that make women put more effort? In fact that sounds like less effort for them to me.

What Guys Said 168

  • This is obviously a no-brainer.
    Men have to do everything in relationship, from beginning to end.
    Women think doing a romantic gesture for us is having sex xD

    Women demand way more than men when it comes to relationships.

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    • 2mo

      You're going with the wrong women if you're doing everything

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    • 2mo

      @BuchitaBuchys Haha, you are funny.

      " You half brains have no good argument."

      He presented how women logic works so don't bash on people for telling truth because you will look even more stupid than usually.

      "go choke on coke "

      So Netflix and chill down at my house indeed.

      "But no, that's accomplished with just my vag"

      You see, that's why a dating world is not balanced. Since women have a vagina and decides who she will have sex with, it will never be balanced since the deciding factor in this case is always a woman who don't put effort simply because they think that having a vagina entitles them to a penis on a finger whistle WITHOUT putting any effort whatsoever. What they only need to do is seduce the poor guy and that's it. O_o...

    • 2mo

      @YellowCactus choosing to have sex isn't the same as choosing a relationship.
      If you don't like women who expect so much without putting in their share of the effort , stop going for them. I feel no pity for y'all because you made the choice.

  • Let's look at what is required of women, by men, to find a partner. Marginally average attractiveness + not being a complete cunt. Take or leave the being a cunt part.

    Now lets look at what is reqiored of males, by females. Interchangably, a great personality, funny, intelligent, has a good job, preferably a college education, ambition, treats his parents respectfully, money is a (big) plus, has skills, has a lot of friends, is respected by part of society.

    Which requires more work?

    More. Females control sex. They define the parameters of relationships based on their preferences 80-90% of the time. This question is like asking, "is it harder to be on trial or be a judge in court?" The job of women is to judge the quality of males. The job of men is to shotgun and hope they *impress* 1 woman out 100.

    End of the day, it's not that hard to stand around and look pretty. And that's all that's required of women by men. Really. That's it. Many men will bullshit about personality and whatever other things females tell them they want, because they want to be seen as appealing by women.

    As for relationships, again, the whole idea on the majority of relationships, it's about making the woman happy. Look at your parents.

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    • 2mo

      Let's also not forget the kicker. Women and children first. It's the implicit, sometimes explicit, male responsibility to defend his SO to the death. Millions of men have died protecting their wives and gfs. How much do we weigh that? If a ship is sinking, we die. If a burglar enters the house, the man dies. If any danger happens, the man is expected to use his life to defend his woman's. Is that more or less difficult than putting on makeup every day?

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    • 2mo

      LMFAO you sounding like a Animal Planet channel, but true.

    • 2mo

      @lacorine197 Well, humans are animals. That's a fact I feel like a lot of people tend to avoid or bury. At least, I know I did, growing up being indoctrinated into Christianity, where they believe that humans aren't animals, at all.

      But, knowing that stuff makes it easier to maneuver through human society and get what you want. It puts you ahead of the curve of all the other people who run around in circles chasing their tails, because they "just don't get it".

  • Definitely men. Women claim they do but the reason i call bullshit on that is because its a choice. they don't HAVE to do all the nails and feet and hair and this and that... they CHOOSE TO.. whether its to attract men or to compete with other females (which still comes back to attracting men), its all a choice. I mean clean hygiene and everything is fine, don't gotta do all that. Funny how many women work so hard to be called whores, then they get offended.
    Also love how when women get into relationships, they say they are the only one putting in effort... but when you ask them to break it down into detail its always in one of two categories... either they are doing stuff within THEIR comfort zone... OR... doing stuff so as to get something back. sometimes they don't do anything but just tell guys what to give back. Thats not effort.
    Guys always have to do stuff they really don't want to do in order to make their girl happy in a relationship, but its amazing how many women won't step out of their comfort zone.
    D L Hughley said something that made me laugh about taking a girl out on a date and from the beginning, she goes "don't be expecting anything to happen today/tonight", then they go to the restaurant or whatever and she's all trying to get the lobster and fillet and Hughley is like "Hell no!! Lobster comes with a side of dick" had me rolling for hours because its true.
    My days of trying too hard on worthless wont-go-anywhere-females are gone. no effort till its official... oh and they pay their way too till its official.

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    • 2mo

      I might be the weird one but I actually see your pov on this. I don't know about other women but I hate when someone pays for me. when I started going on dates e my ex I used to fight him in order for him to let me pay at least my side of the bill. i worked since i was legal and i as sure hell dont like to depend on anyone. I hate feeling in debt and when i go on dates i sure as hell dont want to owe a dick w that lobster but all jokes aside i knoe the struggle is real for guys. tbh I don't know why the whole apperance thing is even in question. 'm not one to put too much effort in my appearance I shower, brush hair and teeth. it takes me 20 minutes to get ready. wtf do people need more? aside from that, the expectations are

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    • 1mo

      Yeah exactly I agree

    • 1mo

      @Jujulius thank you sir...

  • Man likes a woman:
    He has to approach her try to start and keep her engaged in a conversation; buy drinks and the meal ( the outfit and accessories * before the date * ) risking money, self-esteem and embarrassment on a 30% or less chance of having a positive outcome.
    Woman likes a man:
    She will expect him to come to her.
    Tell her girlfriends she likes him then deny it when said friend tells him and he comes over, but gets offended if the friend hooks up with.
    Get an attitude ( like that's going to make us like you ) when we do take the initiative and come over.
    (* Those women that have the balls[ no pun ] to approach us i thank you for showing that your willing to meet us half way at least).
    You also tend to start out wanting a guy only to friend-zone him afterwards.

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    • 2mo

      Not to mention if you put too much effort they lose attraction for you and think you're desperate but if you put less effort then they won't meet you halfway and things will die.

    • 2mo

      @Kanoro Thank you for the input, sometimes you can miss a thing or two on the list.

    • 1mo

      Women are pathetic, pussy assholes. But I love them..

  • I think men are expected to do more (approach, pay for the dates, make her laugh, earn more, be more intelligent, taller, more confident ect)

    Also for sex, if its bad its almost always blamed on the guy. So gues have more pressure there too.

    Even with looks, a guy has to put more effort. For a guy to be a 9 he needs to have good genetics and dedicate long hours in the gym. However, women just need the right genetic. They dont need to put as much time in the gym, they jusy need to be "not fat". There are women who have great bodies effortlessly but for men that just isn't going to happen.

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  • I firmly believe that men have it harder in relationships. Out of the men you know, how many do you think have ever been complimented on their appearance by someone other than their mothers? How many do you think have ever been asked on a date, or taken out to dinner? How many have never had a girlfriend pllan where they are going to go to eat or drink? I bet all of them have had to initiate all romantic encounters (sexy time if you will). If you disagree, please voice it. I would love to have a quick mental spar over this.

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    • 2mo

      where i live, woman put more effort in because all the guys here are pathetic fuckboys. Literally every guy, i gave up on it (for a while) all because i got so exhausted tryna keep a relationship together when it was crashing anyway. the guys seemed so nice at first and me and all my friends overlook how poor they are or their shit reputations, but they just let us down. we gotta pay for everything, do everything, stress out coz we wanna keep the magic alive... And all they do is cheat on us then if we break up with them or decide not to date anymore... then they go around calling us bitchy whores just coz we dont wanna be their accessory anymore. I know this ain't all guys but mainly where i live, i guess its just different depending on the girl/guy.

    • 2mo

      @wassup_homie That's because you're getting the back lash of the BS men have been putting up with for the last 30 years. Good luck finding a partner Homie... guys are usually immature at your age, I bet they are even more so now. What incentive do guys have to get into a relationship these days?

    • 2mo

      @Tony1974 None, brother.

  • Whoever cares the most. Guy or girl ends up being the one putting the most effort in.

    Most girls don't feel the need to go and approach guys cause it can happen organically for them. Most guys, if they just stand around without talking to anyone, no one will talk to them, guy or girl, nobody gives a fuck haha.

    The initial effort of conveying personality is on men, mostly. They have invested the most at that stage. But then it can really go either way,, the guy can keep investing or the girl can start investing more and the guy less.

    Ultimately boils down to who is more invested emotionally. Whoever cares more at any given point is gonna do more work and put in more effort. That can be the guy or the girl really can go any way...

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    • 2mo

      On the surface that's true, however at a deeper level those who are less invested are also less aware. By shunning relationships for careers women often end up deeply unhappy so in effect those that put in more time understanding and developing a good relationship - while they may invest more personally - are far more likely to understand and appreciate it's value and thus derive the ultimate satisfaction from it.

      This is the reason why men are shunning relationships with career women and not marrying. An investment in something that is already of low market value is like buying a phone that doesn't work; a crude analogy perhaps. however to men a woman's primary value lays in reproduction. No man feels lasting love for someone who can take that access to reproduction and their children away, it's a very affront of the laws of nature. Women however only see the monolith of feminist ideology, the "empowerment" that in effect is the exact opposite.

  • Technically both should be putting in the same amount of effort. If one puts in more than the other than the relationship will never work as the one will get worn out trying to constantly please the other.

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  • From the start, its the guys. Even on dating sites. Woman tend not to do anything? Except when faced with a relationship, in which woman start doing things.

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  • Men, that's why as the saying goes women are the gate keepers of sex (because sex is most stressfull on them due to pregnancy and nursing a child) and men are the gate keepers of marriage (because they are the ones who have to expend the most resources have the most responsibilities etc). So men definitiley do because they do the approaching they do the planning and then they give their resources over to the woman (hence in the US 80% of spending is done by women despite the fact that men are still the primary bread winners and in some cases the only bread winner, because they are giving most of their money over to the woman (and this isn't even counting the things they end up buying themselves to give to her)).

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    • 2mo

      But isn't a relationship more than just money. Putting in work is emotional, physical, mental, and financial. So you may be right that men still bring in the most money in general, but not in all cases, women work more at the emotional, and generally take care of the household and every one including the man that is envolved. Like the cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids, etc... So I think it evens out as most women earn that little extra money that a man makes and she spends. Me I can admit my man makes more and puts more into our family financially. But I don't take advantage going on shopping sprees unless it's shopping I do for our family. In turn I take care of the kids and house primarily. As far as sex, lol, I'm the one who's doing most of the asking.

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    • 2mo

      @PinkMichae No I did not make assumptions and you made it quite clear you doubted everything I said long before I made my last statement. I pointed out that by your words you taught him, that is you told him what to do and then he did it and everything is fine and dandy. That's what you where saying that sounds very self obsessive as if the only right way is your way and that he is a child (or dog) that needed to be trained in order to work and communicate in the way YOU thought best. I was basing everything I stated on what you said. At no point did you mention anything you had to do except to take it upon yourself to teach him, so that is why you got the response you did. You did not say we worked things out and figured out how to best communicate you said he had to learn.

    • 2mo

      @PinkMichae You previously stated that you are more emotionally invested in the relationship and suggested you do more which saying how he just comes home and relaxes while you work, again heavily suggesting that you where and are doing exactly what I stated it sounded like you where doing. When your the hero at all times and he is the one who has to learn (by your example) when your the one working and he is the one sitting around doing nothing then that heavily implies that you are more self focused and really don't appreciate him, I never said this is what is happening only that this is the impression you give when you spoke about the subject and thus the reason why so many issues come up is because of these attitudes which again are very much prevalent in our society. We do not respect men we do not appreciate them and your words pretty much made it sound like you where the same.

  • There is a lot to be said about the female being prepared. I would hope most males would at least shower and change clothes before the date. Relationships are a completely different story. Both as a rule, have done some extra primping.

    If the guy is not prepared to host the date (meaning cover the cost) then he never should have made such date. It is just as easy to tell the truth.

    My vote is for the female because I believe in my heart that most really do go the extra mile before a date.

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    • 2mo

      Should there be any expectation if he foots all of the expenses? If not, then all that's happened here is the expenditure of his hard-earning resources for conversation. Regardless of who asked whom, the costs should be split.

    • 2mo

      @Eleanor_Rigby
      Should there be any expectation if he foots all the expenses. Yes, a thank you for the evening would be in line. Even if she has no intention of ever going out with him again. He could be a perfect gentleman but a total asshat. That happens!

      If cost splitting is a preferred method of handling the financials of a date, then that should be disclosed at the initial confirmation of said date.

      Just my opinion

  • Men by far. Women do nothing all they do is show up. They get a free ride

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  • First off, I would say that as much as women put into looking good, they also put a lot into the emotional aspect of the relationship as well, men do a lot of grunt work, in theory are the primary financial contributor, and add logic and problem solving, however, I feel both sides actually over lap and to say one side contributes more is an error as I feel it can only be determined on a vase by case basis.

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  • It is impossible to know the answer to this question. As a man, I am acutely aware of every little thing that I do when I am with my girlfriend. When I look at her, I only SEE the things that she does that are visible but there are things that she does of which I am unaware, that I can't see, so. . . how can I compare the effort that I make to the effort that she makes?

    More importantly, why would I WANT to make that comparison. The test of a relationship is not in how a balance sheet looks for expended effort. No, a good relationship is simply one where I get what I need and I am not required to expend an unreasonable effort to maintain the relationship. So I just need to ask myself:

    1. Am I getting what I need?
    2. Does this seem to require some extraordinary effort from me on a regular basis?

    Those are the important questions.

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  • Men easily. It is not even a competition. Women do not realize just how difficult it is for the average guy to get a phone number, let alone a date. For every one woman who says yes to him, it was preceded by at least a dozen rejections.

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  • It's a mixed bag.

    Appearance = women, by far.

    Approaching = men, by far.

    Attitude (I'm not sure I understand this one)

    Manners = probably close to a tie. Women have to act lady-like, dudes have to act gentlemanly.

    Education = well, more women than men go to college nowadays, so this one goes to the ladies.

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    • 2mo

      Women don't have to act lady like. In fact progressives balk at the idea of men liking women who are feminine.

      Education, firstly getting a degree in "lesbian dance theory" means jack shit, and there are an overabundance of women who get useless degrees. Nobody cares about your degree if you have nothing to show for it. Secondly, women largely do not "date down," so chances are the men they are pursuing are just as educated if not more than they are.

    • 2mo

      If you're gonna try and discredit non-STEM degrees (women do get STEM degrees too, for what it's worth) then you're talking to the wrong guy.

    • 2mo

      Obviously STEM isn't the end-all be-all of education, but there are an abundance of [near] useless degrees (English, Gender/Cultural Studies, Sociology, Psychology) that women like to gravitate to.

  • Men HAVE to take on lots of risk to even get a damn phone number!

    I have to give the burden to the risktaker.

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  • My opinions probably will not mean much since I have no dating/intimate experiences whatsoever. But sadly, society has implanted the thought that a man should be the initiator, have a great career, dress professionally, have a "nice haircut", pay for everything, have a lot of sex, etc. Should a man fail to achieve these things, he is viewed as a failure by society. In my opinions, if feminists wanted "equality", then both sexes should just be able to put forth an equal amount of effort into the relationship.

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  • Men are mostly thought of as the providers and the ones that should be the initiators. A girl can be whichever in the relationship, either a provider or nurturer. But the men are looked upon as the provider, maybe not as much now, but I think this is still a norm.

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  • Women have it easier in their 20s but after 30 and onward depending on if they were hot back in their youth like around 8 on attraction scale, majority get put on the shelf, kicked out of the alpha males dating pool or shoved to one side. Women in their 30s would kill for a nice guy for relationships that they rejected back in their prime youth. Although this generation of nice guys have woken up to a womens BS because of the MGTOW and Red Pill philosophy been spread across the Internet and decent guys won't settle for scraps anymore when nice guys realise their own potential worth if only they put some effort in to improve their sexual market value.

    So for women it's game over if they don't make the right choices in their prime youth but tables turn over when men have all the sexual power on in their 30s onward becuase men don't age bad like women do, men look distinguished up until their 50s most times, we aquire money, status, character, game, experience and personality. Women see that most men at young age have nothing to offer, reasons why they just chase tall pretty boys and bad boys. The only issue for man in his prime 30s and 40s would be to get access to young prime women (20s)

    So my answer is both genders have it easy at different phases of their life. Women have it all in their teens and 20s, men begin at 30 on towards their 40s and we finish around our 50s unless we have a lot of money we would be out of the dating game.

    Hence the famous quote "Men age like wine, women age like milk" and the guy who said that weren't wrong was he.

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  • Effort is the key word here, e. g.
    many gals wanting to date routinely makeup & dress to attract the invitation, ergo the date gets much of the same; guys, not so much so date night is a bigger effort to look the part

    take dancing as a date night bonus attraction - gals would take lessons and "built" (they say) to more naturally make those moves than guys, while a guy might do everything to avoid, then when first taking lessons might throw up; in the end, even if he begins to like his new prowess, is still responsible for leading & not screwing up on the dance floor, even if he has a lead weight in tow

    more, upon request

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  • I know of absolutely NO girls who have taken the step to initiate a relationship - so the answer is without a doubt that guys put more in. That's not to say that girls do nothing and that looking good isn't difficult. But guys have to deal with appearance as well, just as much or even more than girls. Because while girls can say "I want to wear black eyeliner for a change" guys have to work for months if they want to improve their appearance, go to the gym regularly etc. Once the pair is well and truly into the relationship, out of the honeymoon phase, it evens out. But guys are usually trapped with an overwhelming chance of ending in two negative scenarios: he asks her out and she thinks he's too awkward to go out with, or he doesn't ask her out and she thinks he's socially incapable. So it's a huge amount of pressure for guys at the beginning of every relationship

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    • 2mo

      Yeah, what about us guys who had the misfortune of losing our hair before we even turned 30? You can't just change that.

  • In successful relationships It's about the same, just in different ways.

    Any relationship where one person puts in vastly more effort than the other is doomed to fail.

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  • They both do. If the relationship works their both giving 100/100.

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  • Guys do hands down. That's just the way things are setup. Ideally, that begins to shift with age tho, because the man has put in enough effort over time to develop himself that eventually the effort is more about maintenance in certain areas than growing everything and he hopefully has a loving woman that puts in more effort into the relationship as well.

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  • Depends on who holds the power in the relationship. A girl will try harder if she thinks the guy is the catch or vice versa.

    Effort on women's part drops completely off when they get what they want via marriage. Power is unequally distributed in that deal since that institution benefits the women more so than the men. Then they don't have to look good ever again, unless they want a new man or a man (men?) on the side.

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  • These days, men don't always pay and plan everything... nor do women primp and prepare for hours as they used to.

    Times are a' changin'

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  • Honestly? There can never be a census on this moreover so because it's most times a matter of perception - which angle one looks at it from etc

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  • I think that dating when you're young (teens, early twenties) is generally harder for the men. At some point later (30's, 40's?) things switch and it becomes harder for the women.

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    • 2mo

      so have heard the tables turn because women age badly in their 30s and have to compete with women in their 20s

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    • 2mo

      mallory16 I knew few guys who trade their wife for younger model. Women with age begin to be less fertile and start looking like men after 35, especially English women. Women's hormones increase in testostrone with age and start looking like guys, they look like guys with makeup on lol

    • 2mo

      @Mrwoo99 I'll have to be more observant on this one. The only exception is if a woman in her 40s has an athletic body and from the few that I see they look better than some girls in their 20s. Although rarely these good looking women in their 40s will be single

  • I can't believe women think they have it harder, I honestly cannot

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 105

  • I personally feel that it's men. And no, for everybody who has said this before, this isn't for blue upvotes.

    Women have argued for a long time that they're not always trying to look good for men, and that's true. It's something we do for ourselves, so why is this apparently work that we're doing for the sake of men alone? That's silly.

    Men have more expectations, even if things have progressed. They're expected to ask you out, pick you up, pay, open doors for you, pull chairs out for you, and if he misses any of those steps a girl will happily move on at the drop of a dime because she knows there's guys out there that will do all of those things.

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    • 2mo

      I can't stand an attitude like that I'm sorry but I do I mean doesn't women see something wrong with that I mean I do

  • Men. The women don't have to do much but make themselves look nice. The guy has to ask the girl, pay for the dates, make the dates happen and choose where, text HER back after exchanging numbers and make sure he's at least living decently so the girl won't lose interest. He MUST have a job, car and his own place or a girl won't be interested. Where as a girl isn't obligated to do any of these things and most of the time the girl feels like the guy should just be "lucky he has her". Girls want to be pampered so the guy must do the pampering. Making sure to remember dates such as birthdays and planning things and giving presents etc.. All a girl needs to do is get dressed up and go out, for a guy he needs to not only dress up but then approach the woman, find something to talk about with her, hopefully get her number, then text her back and hope for a reply and if she does then ask her on a date, choose where to take her out, pay for the date and so on. It's ridiculous how one sided it is.

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    • 2mo

      Many centuries from now people will still be talking about this legendary answer you have just given. Spot on & Pure perfection!!! :)

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    • 2mo

      Eevee2026 - A great cosmic quake divergence has taken place! The fabric of time and space has been ripped asunder! What grand high wizardry is this? A Golden Goddess Queen has descended to earth and spoke her words of highest truth and highest wisdom here on GAG! All honors to the exalted majesty of the Sacred Golden Goddess Queen Eevee2026!!!

    • 2mo

      @circlebill
      Awe thanks I'm flattered lol 😄

  • Men do because most women want a dude to do all the relationship work for them. I don't blame men for assuming most women won't do anything since that's the majority it seems.

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  • Men.

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  • into dating I'd say the male, he is the one expected to ask out the girl and make all the first moves, impress her, pay, etc. but in a relationship, once the dude gets her there, the girl makes all the effort I've noticed from personal experience and from being an outside party looking in. the girl does all the cheesy things like momentos and keepsakes and remembering birthdays and special dates and does what she can to impress the guy. he is happy with food, sex and video games , so unless you are Lara croft from tomb raider, not much effort is put into anything until u nag and whine, THEN it just annoys him and pushes him away. which leaves the girl making all the effort to KEEP the relationship going

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  • Women have to look good at all times to even get approached or dated, sometimes nobody approaches women so they have to approach men themselves (a lot of that is happening these days, I am one of those women), women are now expected to pay for dates or at least half the dates. Women are expected to have good jobs and look pretty all the time. I'm not saying it's ALL on women but it's not as cut and dry and the guys think.

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    • 2mo

      Women aren't expected to have good jobs by men. It's cool, but not something girls "have to" have per the question. But you do make a good case for the amount of effort involved for women. I've always had respect for girls that approach guys *thumbs up*.

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    • 2mo

      @relaxrelax plenty of men use women too.

    • 2mo

      Women in their prime 20s are too busy chasing the top 20% or small pool of men for sex and trying to get commitment from them but don't want the nice guys for relationship and feminism encourages women to chase this top alpha males reasons why men are pulling out and going MGTOW

  • If it's a long term commitment then the answer is simply both.. both have to work at it to make it in a relationship.. otherwise it becomes one sided and restrictive.. looks nah don't judge on looks because when both become comfortable with each other the looks side of things begins to slide.. bad habits appear- picking noses, toenails etc etc..
    Datin is the same but I think men do take the lead a little and sometimes go a little overboard... I don't believe in men payin for everything, Becos if it does become a relationship then it gets a bit to comfy were man is paying for everything..
    Manners same, it's all good to begin with but the bad habits appear.. so again both

    In fact both to everythin... lol

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  • Toooootally man! Yeeep no doubt on that one.
    Woman are expected to look good all the time, be nice bla bla bla ( yes it's alot) but guys are expected to pay for dates, look good, talk good, maintain the conversation going, have a good job. soo I vote guys.

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  • Both, in the beginning at least. Men are usually the ones doing the initial approaching and asking out, paying, etc. It takes a lot of courage and effort to do this. Women are more self-conscious at the beginning of a relationship. You know what some people say, that when they first stay over, a woman will get up earlier than the man to put on makeup so he doesn't see her face without it. I've also heard people say that men are usually on their best behaviour for the first few months.

    But once the relationship has progressed enough, both people should be putting in equal effort, both to look and feel their best, and to help pay for things. The key word being should, it is not always the case. Like others have said, if one person is more emotionally involved (and I'm adding onto that) or more insecure, they may be putting in more effort.

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  • Lol this is so stereotyped. I approached my ex's, I pay for dates and my self maintenance isn't high so it's all "equal" in a relationship for me.

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    • 2mo

      The amount of times I've put in effort to a guy and he can't even bothered to send me a text once in a while. Smh!

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    • 2mo

      You're means you are. Which means you're wrong. Learn the difference.

    • 2mo

      @michael45 I wasn't talking to you.

  • I think it depends on the peoples personalities as to how the relationship dynamic goes. If one is more introverted, passive, or submissive the other will take the lead and thus seem to put more into it. Even if the other person is caring and attentive its the one pushing the direction. Sometimes its more equal between people. Occasionally there is such a thing as being too well matched because if your both dominant in the relationship you may argue or have to learn to share control. If both of you are passive or submissive sometimes people are scared to make a move, rock the boat, etc and they might sometimes feel like the relationship is stagnating as they aren't necessarily complimentary pushing each other along. Sometimes though that still can work. Everything of course has its pluses and minus.

    For myself I like the man taking the lead at points. Certainly at the start as long as he isn't suffocating about it. Most people aren't that dominant but sometimes it happens. I like to do the sentimental type things and the more tomboyish. But once comfortable sometimes I like to take the lead at least with being playful on the intimate or romantic side.

    I think both people need to work on a relationship and at least be complimentary. So they grow old together instead of grow apart or instead of just plain hating each other.

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  • Guys have a lot of pressure to prepare things, or pay for things or be romantic. Girls worry about looking nice and getting their appearance sorted, there's sorta an anxiety/worry in regards to looks. Also women hold back a lot, sometimes even have on a flawless facade, as if they're perfect or lady-like. Men have to worry about being the first to approach the girl (but also women can feel scared to make the first move because society and shit, and that might end up in no one making the first move which is also sad), guys also have to put effort a lot of the time to be wearing 'the pants' in the relationship which is stupid. I don't know why guys pretend to be the most 'masquiline' things ever and girls pretend to be perfect and lady-like. I feel like things are changing recently though, slowly it isn't expected for guys to take control of the situation (first move, paying etc) and girls maybe don't feel so worried about appearance.
    Either way, whatever you're putting effort into whether it's your personality or appearance if the relationship progresses their bound to see your true self anyways.

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  • It varies with everyone.

    Some men (and women) play games. So, the other has to put in more time and effort to pursue.

    Some women do "full face" makeup and take forever to pick out their clothes.

    Some men have to pay for everything (or mostly everything).

    ^^ Situations like those don't make this an easy poll to answer.

    *

    I, personally, like and prefer men approaching me. However, if he catches and maintains my interest and attention; I'll approach.

    - I like him to chase but only really in the beginning.

    -

    Between everything, it should even out.

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  • Men! The men deal with the emotional women (hats of to you guys) and I feel like they have more stress about the relationship than the chick.

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  • Men for getting into the relationship, approaching. But after that, it begins to even out. If you're doing all the work later to maintain the relationship, then you chose the wrong partner and you deserve no sympathy.

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  • I think it truly depends on the two people. I've never been in a relationship where a guy paid for everything. In fact I've never been in a relationship where a guy paid for anything with the exception of gifts. It has always been split in half. From movies to dinners. On the other hand I don't go the extra mile to look good all the time. I feel like if a guy falls for me when I'm dressed nicely in make up every time he sees me what will he think if we ever moved in together and I wash it all off or go a day without shaving or last around in my sweats? For a relationship to work it should be 50-50

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  • Into dating? Men.
    Into relationships? Women.

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    • 2mo

      BINGOOO

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    • 2mo

      @Dave20154 and being handsome doesn't either 😊

    • 2mo

      @Dave20154 Women have to look good all the time? Says who? maintain a household? When? If a guy is working bringing home the bacon, that's the only time she has to do it, otherwise if they are both working which happens mostly in this century nowadays, he's helping that household stay up with his money. and you sound silly saying men think they have it hard, sound like a woman who's hidden behind a male profile. -.-

  • I think both genders have to put a lot of effort, because building a relationship is something that requires the same amount of effort from both parts.

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  • definitely men

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  • Who puts me effort in a relationship is a case by case basis. In my last relationship I feel that I did; in my brothers relationship I think he does. Real effort in a relationship isn't paying for dates and doing your hair. It's trying to make things work, trying to make the other person happy, trying to be understanding and patient all the time. It's having the maturity to resolve conflict peacefully etc. that's just a case by case thing.

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  • It's obviously men lol

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    • 2mo

      303 people would disagree with you so I don't think you can use the word 'obviously'.

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    • 2mo

      Wait, are we still talking about this?

    • 2mo

      @PlanetOfTheIdiots Ahaha yeah, I think you'll find I "pretty much" aren't. And oh please, do tell me how I'm ignorant... Actually no wait, don't bother... I'll save you the trouble of having to think too much.

  • I believe that it's equal, why would it lean on one gender more than the other? You both got into the relationship based on mutual interest and attraction, so why not both of you to contribute to making it work, I don't want to be dependent on a guy to be the only one working hard, it should be shared :)

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  • women bc tons of men come at us. we put ourselves in dangerous situations to meet new people. we don't know sometimes where the guy is taking us. should we pay? tons of stuff

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    • 2mo

      You only saying those things, because you haven't met the right person. Who are you anyway? A saint? Woman can't be trusted, and can become dangerous.

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    • 2mo

      For all I know a girl could be a whore trying to use me

  • I believe the effort should be shared both ways, if a guy is willing to put a ton of effort into appearance, approaching, attitude, manners, education, etc then a woman should put the same amount of effort back, this way the guy is more likely to believe that a woman has a genuine interest in him and is potential relationship material as she is putting in equal effort. There is stigma on both sides however, some believe it is the mans duty to put the effort and money into a date and spoil a woman and that women should never make the first move. I disagree however, I find that when girls put an effort in and actually wanna spoil a guy for once its much more effective and appreciated.

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  • Ahhhh That is a good ass question! I picked B because while women do have to deal with self maintenance and looking good. Which it is a lot of effort but , I love doing it anyway so its not THAT much effort for me personally. If you love it, its fun.

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    • 2mo

      Thats in the beginning
      In a long term commitment its deff both#

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    • 2mo

      Women bring makeup and sex to a relationship. What would men do without women besides masturbate for eternity.

    • 2mo

      @Mrwoo99 wow, a lot you put out... how about we get a room?

      On a real note: What would you do? Just like myself, enjoy the days I have. Because most woman think like you :) One sided

  • They BOTH should put the same effort. Like, each of them have their "duties" I guess.

    about men paying for everything, thats kinda changed these days, or at least its changing. And one more thing... men also gotta take care of their appearance, especially on the few first dates XD

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  • Men. Sometimes I feel like us women have it easy.

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  • I haven't ever had to do much. I just subtly let a guy know I like him and then he usually approaches me about dates and or sex.

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  • My honest Opinion :
    Men put more effort into dating
    Women put more effort into (transforming dating to an actual relationship )
    For a girl : Its much more easier to get a guy in the first place than keep a guy in the long run
    For a guy : its much more harder to get a girl in the first place than to keep a girl in the long run

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    • 2mo

      but women need to change that

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    • 2mo

      @CancerianMan81 Thats odd i know myself and my friends dont date unless we see a potential future with someone

    • 2mo

      you know what the funny thing is cancers excel at everything we do but nobody wants to give us what we want now explain that to me why they don't want to give us what we want

  • i definitely in this case think it's men. they have more pressure in general, i think.

    BUT, but but but, lol in this modern dating world, women has to be careful not to appear too "emotional" or "needy" if they want a serious relationship versus the now-very-common casual relationships like "we're just talking/hanging out".

    in general though, in today's dating world, people in general become more disposable because of online dating apps and such. so tbh i think it's cutting a pretty close 50/50

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