How do you tell your boyfriend you can't support him financially?

My boyfriend recently moved in and I was fine with him not paying rent to start because he needed to save money to fix his Truck or buy a new one. Shortly after he moved in he lost his job. Now its gone from not helping with bills to be full on supporting him and using my car. He isn't lazy and helps around the house. He is trying to start a business refinishing furniture in my garage owhich I am fine with but its been 3 weeks of no money and I can't afford it. I am going out to dinner tonight and honestly can't afford to pay for him. How do I explain I can't afford him? What do I do to fix this at this point?

Updates:
2mo Well now he is selling everything in the house to buy a new truck and to make a point because I fixed his tire that was sitting on a router this morning and asked him to move it from the drive way.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. Stop going out to dinner.
    2. Learn to economize by shopping at low cost supermarkets like Aldi's or Save-A-Lot or even Dollar General.
    3. One of you gives up a cell phone but then gets a pay-as-you-go cell phone.
    4. Garden for produce.
    5. Be smart with the car and plan activities that minimize trips.
    6. Cut any leisure subscriptions like Netflix or cable. In fact, stop watching TV and listen to radio.
    7. Take in a border.
    8. Use coupons religiously.
    ...

    There are dozens of other things you can do and I've done all of the above.

    However, if you can't get through this together then that says something about you people as marriage-material for anyone. After all, the vows include "for richer, for poorer", not "I'm going out to dinner tonight and can't afford you."

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    • 2mo

      But why should I have to make my kids sit at home all night and not celebrate my sisters bday by going out to dinner because he is unwilling to work and I work my ass off.

    • 2mo

      How is he unwilling to work? After all he's trying to start his own business right and he helps around the house right? Also can he not take care of your kids while you're at work thus saving you daycare money?

      There's a difference between a man who just loafs around versus one down on his luck. From what you wrote, it doesn't seem that he is one who is just loafing around

Most Helpful Girl

  • pay your way or fuck off. . . .

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What Guys Said 7

  • "I need you to get a job even if it's at Walmart or fast food. I can't support us on just my salary"

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    • 2mo

      He has no credit or cards otherwise he would just finance a work truck.

    • 2mo

      He needs to get a job, any job

  • Stop eating out and start using your money conservatively.

    Just simply say to him that you're incapable at the moment to take care the both of you and something needs to be done. Say this in a manner where you're presenting a problem as a couple, and you have to work together to fix this with a solution you both have come up with. This way he'll understand better and co-operate.

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    • 2mo

      Well that is probably not going to happen because now because I suggested we fix his car today so he can make something happen for himself he is being childish and selling all of our furniture to get money. So my kids will come home tonight to a home with no TV and no couch.

    • 2mo

      Got any friends that you can reach for help? any family relatives?

      Not just financial support but finding a job for this guy or recommending something.

  • Make him your stay-at-home man (yay emancipation!) or make him get a job, any job, because even him making only minimum wage will take a lot of financial pressure of your shoulders.

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    • 2mo

      I can't afford the stay at home man gig. Do I just say I am sorry but this furniture business needs to be on the side and I need you to work?

    • 2mo

      Well yeah, if his business doesn't pick up soon I would tell him to go get a job.

  • You should never have had him move in if you're not in a serious relationship. Partners need to support each other when they need it the most. I suggest breaking up with him because you are unwilling to help him.

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    • 2mo

      This is probably the best option I think.

  • leave him
    better for dignity

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  • its a tough situation , if he really is refinishing furniture he will likely make some money at it eventually , there Is a large market for used furniture and just about every house has something that could be repaired. so I don't see that being a completely helpless job.
    but yeah I agree you can't support him forever and he eventually needs to pay some of his own bills

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  • Since you aren't married, you could just have him use credit cards that are in his name only, and you just pay the minimum payments. If he gets a job, good, he can take over the payments, if not, then there's always bankruptcy. And it wouldn't affect your credit rating either.

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    • 2mo

      He has no credit and no cards he can get approved for.

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