Tonight was meant to be 'Guy's Night,' but I found out that he had plans on drinking with his friends. And a few fellow chicks also. I am rather upset over this, not because he is out with a few female friends, but the fact that I wasn't told of it (had to find out by other people). As well, I don't like the fact he is out drinking, not just hanging out, but drinking with another woman.
What do you think? Do you think it is okay for someone to go out and drink with someone of the opposite gender? Do you think that he was in the wrong for not telling me that he had plans on drinking with some females? Do you think he had more in mind than just drinking?
- My partner wouldn't be allowed to drink with someone of the opposite gender.8%(4)13%(13)Vote20%(9)
- My partner would be allowed to drink with someone of the opposite gender.35%(18)37%(36)Vote39%(18)
- I do not mind, but I have to be with them while they are drinking with someone of the opposite gender.20%(10)14%(14)Vote9%(4)
- Depends on the person, who they are, if the person is interested in my partner & and if they had a history.37%(19)36%(34)Vote32%(15)
Most Helpful Guy
That just sounds like a recipe for disaster. People don't want to be controlling. And if they say, "I don't want you drinking with -----," then it comes off as both "I want to control your life," and "I don't trust you."
But. If I was in a monogamous relationship, I would identify A: alcohol lowers inhibitions drastically, and B: people want to fuck people, regardless of relationship status, but don't, because... inhibitions. Putting two and two together, I wouldn't allow my SO to drink *alone* with a different male.
That said. If it was in a group, it would be ideal to have someone I trust also there, preferably a female, who could keep an eye on her or who I knew would keep her in check if she was about to make a mistake; or, just tell her that I didn't want her going off alone with another guy. To just stay with the group.
I mean, most of the time, if they're going to make a mistake, it's not going ot happen right in the middle of a group.
1. So, as long as it's in a group, I don't think it's that risky.
2. I think that it's most likely that he didn't think that it would be a problem. If you don't tell him how you feel about something, there's no way he should know that he should tell you things like this. I'm pretty sure he's not a mind-reader.
You have to make the rules before they can be broken. And in a monogamous relationship, everyone has a different idea on what the implicit rules are. So, make them explicit or at minimum voice your concerns. *Then* if he did it, it would be wrong-ish, knowing that you didn't like it.
3. I don't even know what he looks like, let alone what thoughts are in his head.
Luckily, though, I don't have to deal with that, because if I ever did enter a relationship, I wouldn't care who my SO slept with.2
Most Helpful Girl
honestly there is no not allowed and allowed we aren't our SO's parents and frankly as long as they aren't cheating they can do whatever the hell they want and if you are gonna say no you are controlling and I would almost call it the starts of emotional abuse actually. My boyfriend has drank with a female with me not there. Yes it made me a little anxious but I would never tell him he couldn't or be mad at him for it. The only reason you should worry is if you ask about it and he denies it.1