Would you be okay with your partner drinking with someone of the opposite gender?

Tonight was meant to be 'Guy's Night,' but I found out that he had plans on drinking with his friends. And a few fellow chicks also. I am rather upset over this, not because he is out with a few female friends, but the fact that I wasn't told of it (had to find out by other people). As well, I don't like the fact he is out drinking, not just hanging out, but drinking with another woman.

What do you think? Do you think it is okay for someone to go out and drink with someone of the opposite gender? Do you think that he was in the wrong for not telling me that he had plans on drinking with some females? Do you think he had more in mind than just drinking?

  • My partner wouldn't be allowed to drink with someone of the opposite gender.
    8% (4)20% (9)13% (13)Vote
  • My partner would be allowed to drink with someone of the opposite gender.
    35% (18)39% (18)37% (36)Vote
  • I do not mind, but I have to be with them while they are drinking with someone of the opposite gender.
    20% (10)9% (4)14% (14)Vote
  • Depends on the person, who they are, if the person is interested in my partner & and if they had a history.
    37% (19)32% (15)36% (34)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • That just sounds like a recipe for disaster. People don't want to be controlling. And if they say, "I don't want you drinking with -----," then it comes off as both "I want to control your life," and "I don't trust you."

    But. If I was in a monogamous relationship, I would identify A: alcohol lowers inhibitions drastically, and B: people want to fuck people, regardless of relationship status, but don't, because... inhibitions. Putting two and two together, I wouldn't allow my SO to drink *alone* with a different male.

    That said. If it was in a group, it would be ideal to have someone I trust also there, preferably a female, who could keep an eye on her or who I knew would keep her in check if she was about to make a mistake; or, just tell her that I didn't want her going off alone with another guy. To just stay with the group.

    I mean, most of the time, if they're going to make a mistake, it's not going ot happen right in the middle of a group.

    1. So, as long as it's in a group, I don't think it's that risky.

    2. I think that it's most likely that he didn't think that it would be a problem. If you don't tell him how you feel about something, there's no way he should know that he should tell you things like this. I'm pretty sure he's not a mind-reader.

    You have to make the rules before they can be broken. And in a monogamous relationship, everyone has a different idea on what the implicit rules are. So, make them explicit or at minimum voice your concerns. *Then* if he did it, it would be wrong-ish, knowing that you didn't like it.

    3. I don't even know what he looks like, let alone what thoughts are in his head.

    Luckily, though, I don't have to deal with that, because if I ever did enter a relationship, I wouldn't care who my SO slept with.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • honestly there is no not allowed and allowed we aren't our SO's parents and frankly as long as they aren't cheating they can do whatever the hell they want and if you are gonna say no you are controlling and I would almost call it the starts of emotional abuse actually. My boyfriend has drank with a female with me not there. Yes it made me a little anxious but I would never tell him he couldn't or be mad at him for it. The only reason you should worry is if you ask about it and he denies it.

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What Guys Said 12

  • I do not understand people who go out for drinks with others without taking their SOs, except when it is just with people of the same gender. When the genders are mixed, my SO would be invited.

    As far as what goes on, too many times on here we read:
    I was out drinking and accidentally ended up having sex. with someone who is not my SO.

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  • you have the right to be upset about it and personally i dont want a partner who drinks anyways, i dont.

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  • You have the right to be upset. He should have said girls would be there. If your relationship is strong no need to worry, but if it isn't then maybe you should worry. It probably won't change how he feels about you since is in love with you.

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  • Well personally I wouldn't want a partner who goes out drinking. But even if I did, I would still feel kinda uncomfortable with them going out with a specific guy, especially alone.

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  • It's a group setting so it seems harmless. If he can't be trusted to drink alcohol around women then you two have some issues.

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  • Drinking is just a bad idea. People do stupid things when they drink alcohol. It is better to be straight edge.

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  • If they're alone with that person, most definitely not.

    If it's in a group setting and she informs me about it, I'd live with it.

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  • Nope, cuz then:"oh no babe I'm sorry, I accidentally kissed him then we accidentally had sex and he said his pull out game was strong and oops

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  • If I can't trust someone I wouldn't be dating them and if I do than why do I care what they do when they aren't with me?

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    • 2mo

      because sometimes shit happens, maybe she loves you but can't handle alcohol and they end up having sex.

      also if you keep letting your girl hangoing out with every dude she wants one on one at some point she will start finding them interesting and lose interest in you, like it or not girls are emotional and too much of talking to other guys can trigger some shitty behaviours , so its better to not let her do such things.

  • I vote the last one only because i have been burned by situations like this

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  • I hate drinking and I wouldn't date a girl who drinks so I wouldn't have to deal with this situation.

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  • This question is more imperative to your situation than it may seem: How many guys will be there, and how many girls will be there?

    If there is an exactly equal number of guys and girls, something is up, and you should be concerned.

    If there are more guys than girls, however, you probably shouldn't worry about it.

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What Girls Said 14

  • if he had to lie to you about the fact that there were women there, he obviously felt the need to hide them from you, meaning that he had more in mind than just drinking.

    in past relationships, when i went drinking with a guy friend (just the 2 of us), i made my then-boyfriend aware of it and even invited him to join. i never kept it from him because i had nothing to hide.

    in my relationship now, i would be okay with him drinking with a female friend as long as i knew and trusted her... i mean, i trust him, but i don't owe my trust to someone i don't know.

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  • You aren't married to them, therefore you don't control what they do. They can do whatever they want by law. This is a sign of jealousy and trust issues if you have to be concerned about that. Overall I can understand why you got upset when he never addressed something like that. But if you never came clean that you wouldn't like it if he is around other women, what do you expect him to say or do? YOU need to address it, not the other way around. He is not a mind reader, he doesn't know what you want if you don't speak up to say anything. Stop holding back and say what needs to be said and done. And I promise you, the more you practice this, the more you drill this in his head respectfully, the more he will respect your boundaries for the relationship. If not, then expect him to do all sorts of things your don't like.

    However though; if you have addressed this to him before, then yes, you should be upset because you did tell him this before.

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  • I understand having friends of the opposite gender -- good ones, at that, who have been there for you through bad times, and/or simply lend a good ear and advice. Unless I was given a reason to worry, it wouldn't bother me. And if I was concerned, I don't think I'd be with that person long.

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  • I wouldn't mind unless it was gonna be only him and her/her and him. As long as it's in a group and there's other people I've met before I don't mind.

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  • I would like the heads up from him on the topic before he went out (unless he didn't know they would be there, in which case I would like to hear about it afterwards), but otherwise, I would have no problem with it. He can go have fun with his friends regardless of gender.

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  • Listen, how I see it if he is going to cheat he will do it. He can blame it on the alcohol all he wants. Its dueces for me! Seriously, women really think about this stuff too much. A man will do what he wants, so why stress and get grey hair. I There is a million more out there if he wants to cheat. thats how i see it.

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  • I generally don't care... I just tell them I want honesty. If they cheat, they cheat and I will move on. Gosh I've become skeptical haha

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  • I feel like if you don't trust the person pure with around other females them there's no point in being with them. Sure you can be pissed that he didn't tell you but just tal to him about it. If he did something wrong them go from there

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  • My boyfriend drinks with his female friends all the time, I'm not worried about it. maybe he thought it was going to be guys night but turned out differently, it happens, he probably didn't think it was a big deal to tell you in the moment.

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  • For the most part, I wouldn't care. If he was drinking with his ex-girlfriend and it was just the two of them, I might have a problem.

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  • Honestly I would let him go with the opposite sex but not alone i'm okay with him going with a group of friends but yes the fact that he didn't let you know that there was going to females there is not good. Just have a talk with him and tell him that next time he needs to let you know so you can be aware that there will be girls. Communication is key in a relationship!

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  • You have the right to be upset he should have told you but they could also just been last minute invites. I'd be okay with him being with whoever as long as it's all strictly platonic.

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  • The last one

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  • My partner wouldn't be allowed to drink with someone of the opposite gender. If he want to drink he can drink at home with me. It's cheaper plus like this he wouldn't have problem with police.

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