Is "the talk about where this 'relationship' is heading" necessary or does it just put pressure on the other person?

Quick overview ;) So I got to know a guy about 5 months ago on a concert of this band (though friends). We ended up hooking up that same night. Afterwards we started writing (close to daily) and met about 1 time a week on the weekends (due to work it is hard to meet up during the week). First it was just the two of us spending time together (going for drinks, hanging out at my place). Two weeks ago he wrote me that he is at a club with friends close to my place and that I should come. I met him there with a friend and it was a little awkward since I did not know "what we are" and so did not know how to behave. A week ago he invited me to a concert of his band and it was the same situation again. He is standing next to me close to all of the time, but he seems waaaaay to shy to do anything (his bandmates said to my friend that normally he is really shy). One of his bandmates kept asking me what our situation was and I just responded that I don't know myself. About 4 days ago he left the city because he will be on tour with his band for two weeks. He wrote at some point every day and also sent a couple of pics.

I am now wondering if I should try to ask him what our "relationship" is for him (because his friend asked me)... if it is just what it is now (like friends with benefits) or if he sees it going somewhere. But as I said for some reason he is reaaaally shy so I am afraid that this will just pressure him. In the beginning I wrote a lot with him, exchanged pics etc but since about a month ago the pics got less and we are more writing about "important stuff". I am sure (and my friend also) that he is not hooking up with someone else but I don't know if he is writing with other girls (the way he did with me in the beginning). I don't really have to "define" stuff, but I am afraid that I will invest too much and then get disappointed (I got really disappointed in my last relationship that is why I think I am afraid of that).

Thank you so much for your opinions :)


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What Guys Said 1

  • I would ask. I don't think it's a pressure question

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    • 2mo

      Ok, thanks for your opinion... I am just not sure how to bring it up...

    • 2mo

      "What do you think we are now and where would you like us to go?"

What Girls Said 1

  • For some people, it is important to ask this question and for others it isn't. For me personally, I would like to know where things are headed. I tend to fall for people quickly and I don't like to be led on. I usually try to wait a couple months before talking about it. I also try not to make it sound too serious because that tends to scare people into making a quick decision, and when people feel pressured or nervous, they tend to give you the answer you won't want to hear. I try to make it sound like a positive thing, explaining that I am just having so much fun being with this person and I want to make that person my boyfriend.

    What I'm saying is that if you're fine with the way things are, you don't have to do anything. But if it's important to you to know (and it's ok to want to know that kind of stuff), then you should ask him about it when both of you are in a good mood and ready to openly discuss that. Good luck!

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