Were you ever someone's second choice?

I have been, only once though.
If you have, how did you deal with it and move on?

Updates:
2mo Aww this is sad :'(

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Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes I was. I was head over heals with a guy that was my best friend for 5 years. We spent almost every day together. We were close to each others family, would go to family events together. I finally got the nerve up to tell him how I felt. But he said he was in love with this married woman that would have him come over when her husband was gone. I told him not only was that wrong but she made it clear she only wanted friendship and sex. But he held out hope that she would leave her husband for him. I ended up moving 1000 miles away which was good because it gave me time to get over him. I never completely lost love for him but met someone else and started a life and family with him. Well I got a phone call 10 years later from the guy. He professed that he was an idiot and he should have married me. He referred to me as the one that got away. I have to admit it brought up a bunch of unresolved feelings but in the end I knew I was better off without him and I was happy at the time with the man and family I had. His loss.

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    • 2mo

      Sorry to hear that, I know how that sort of thing can mess with you, but glad to hear it all turned out alright.

    • 2mo

      Thank you. Yes it was very heartbreaking at the time but it's funny how young and in love I thought I was. Because the older I got the more I realized what I wanted was nothing he was. He's my friend to this day and I'll always love him as my friend. But I know he would not have been right for me. Love is equal. One person can't love the other more or it will not work. So take your time hun. Really figure out what's gonna make you happy and what you deserve.

    • 2mo

      Thank you for your advice, I will take my time :)

What Guys Said 30

  • Yes I been first, second and third and forth choice. lol. I just don't let it bother me and don't take it personal. Nobody ain't got time for that. lol

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  • And be boyfriend # 2? Nah.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_zeN3k6dL0
    Although you never really know whether you're someone's second or not unless it's like a love triangle or square in which we all like the same person.

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  • All the time. I'm the dude women go after when they begin realizing that they're used up and are no longer desirable by men, yet they want "a good guy" to take them (and their kids too, in some cases).

    Sorry, shugah, but I didn't want ya then, and I don't want ya now. ;-)

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  • I haven't been anyone's first, let alone second.

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  • No. I wouldn't date anyone where I am possibly second choice to begin with..

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  • I've never been anyone's choice 😔

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  • I don't know. Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to, you know? I wouldn't want to know.

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  • yes i was once i left her after 8 months or so when i found out.

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  • Actually I'm the third choice, first two were my elder sisters. My parents after were like , what the hell let's pop another one, so this is my story.
    ...

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  • Never been anybody's choice, even if they did like me, they didn't really say anything

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  • Haven't been anyone's choice at all m8 and that's gr8, r8ted 8/8.

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  • I'm sure I have. Don't really give a shit tbh.

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  • I don't think I've got that close!

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  • I was kept around as a booty call by my first love while she went to clubs, after breaking up with me, and daring some guy twice her age. Not same thing, but sucked.

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  • I'm no one's choice -_-

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    • 2mo

      Aww :( you can be my choice! Lmao

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    • 2mo

      hmm... any plans on raising that line to 29 as soon as you're 18? ;P

      and crushing on older dudes but refusing to date them? Shitty feelings guaranteed lol

    • 2mo

      Hahaha that's probs what'll happen.
      Oh yeah shitty feelings 100% :(

  • No, I have not

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  • maybe for a prom date or somethin'

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  • No I haven't. Though this could be because the gal didn't tell me. Then again I don't date much.

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  • yeah. im trying to forget about it even nowdays

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    • 2mo

      how i dealt with it tho? i said im not willing to be the second choice of nobody, let alone my crush. i moved away and now she seems trying to contact me.. dunno if she trying to be firendly but frankly im not willing to give up and grovel for her again

  • no
    yet again that why probably i m single :p

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  • No. Maybe 5th or 6th though

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  • Never have been before.

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  • I'm sure most of us dont and won't know xx

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  • I guess I was. Really.

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  • I was ,,,

    When I had come to know that.. Told her to F*** off...

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  • Maybe yes, but I don't know.

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  • i suspect i may well have been someone's backup rather than second choice.

    troubles in her relationship, flirting in various different ways, then one day out of the blue she says i don't know what i'd do if i fell out with him and the thing was we weren't talking about relationships for this to even be something that would be expected to be said.

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  • always only second choice like fuckbuddy beside her boyfriend (I refused because I still have standards)

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  • narcissism first world problems at their finest... .

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    • 2mo

      lol this. id go as far as to say, the average girl in todays society unknowingly likes being your second choice because it makes them work harder for your attention. women are so narcissitic as someone else pointed out they literally can't accept the thought of being someones "second choice."

      Like the funny thing is even if they dont like the guy they will start to like you all of a sudden if they think you are making them your second choice... not becuase they like you, but becuase thats how bad they can't accept beign the second choice

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    • 2mo

      @animus1988 exacvtly. thats women for you. they can't fathom being the second. but also want you to be desired by other women cause they operate through validation from others.. .

    • 2mo

      exactly they are both against me now becuase they think im not "listening" becuase im not agreeing with them like every other white knight here. in a womans mind, disagreeing with her means your "not listening" LOL

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What Girls Said 14

  • I also suspect I was 2nd choice when it came to a guy. Long periods would pass before he talked to me again. I hadn't been talking to him long, though, so I didn't have any feelings for him. But I don't like being used, so I started ignoring him.

    But I have constantly been 2nd choice when it comes to friends. My whole life. Especially with one friend, the one I've had the longest. She's always on the lookout to replace me, and I've always known this. I know it's not healthy, but I just choose to hide that it's bothering me. On the bright side though, I've met some new people recently and I can tell they are real, true friends.

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  • I have, I just tell myself that his first choice doesn't want him so he can't go to her anyways. I think the real damage was to my self esteem, that i wasn't worth first choice. The way I see it is that it doesn't matter if I am first choice to him because I am loved by God and that's worth more than anything. I think I looked too much into it and I got angry for no reason.

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    • 2mo

      I can relate, it was a big blow to my self esteem -especially since (based off what he had said) it was almost a sure thing that we were going to start dating, and I let myself really open up, but then he started dating another girl.

    • 2mo

      How can a guy do this with such charming girls? You really goddess n that guy definitely feel guilty

  • Yes. Oh my, he asked me to be his gilfriend... I said yes. We were in a "relationship" for a week and then he called me from his ex girlfriends apartment with her on the other line to tell me that "he needed time to figure out if he wanted me or her"... I started laughing and said "here sweetheart let me help you with the decision, I'm breaking up with you, you're a free man, she can have you, and I wish you both the best" and hung up.

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  • I've never been any man's first choice, all I've ever been to a man is a piece of ass.

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  • Probably

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  • i was, but eventually i moved on.

    4 years later he came back and tried to get me back but it didn't work out.

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    • 2mo

      Out of curiosity how did things end in the first place? And how did he try and get you back?

    • 2mo

      @askuser he had been on and off with a girl for a yr before and was scared to start something new. His girlfriend was the type where she would break up with him and want him back when he showed interest in someone else. Super unhealthy relationship but he wanted to stay with someone he was comfortable with.

      He tried to get me back by becoming my friend first and then trying to convince me to give him another shot. Always asking me on dates and stuff. Telling me he made a mistake.. blah blah. I ended up giving him another shot but I just didn't feel it anymore.

  • dont want to be anyone's second choice

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  • Yea a lot times is honestly hard though

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  • I am right now.. I'm my ex's 2nd choice of course my bff is 1st..

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  • I think I have always been

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  • I don't know maybe yes and that suckss

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  • I Was Never Anyones First Or Second Choice.

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  • I won't be. If I know he's still in love with someone else then I don't want to date him. I dated a guy who was recently divorced and I don't think he loved his ex anymore but I don't think he loved me either.

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    • 2mo

      A lot of times you can tell how he treats you if he really loves you or not. You can never know if he liked someone else a lot of if you are truly second. If he speaks a lot about another girl including his ex or you know he's into someone strongly and everyone knows it don't date him! But even if no other girl is mentioned you will know if he's really into you or not. When he really cares you know on your heart. I've had it both ways.

  • Initially when my ex and I started hanging out, he was still talking to his ex and they got back together while he and I were hanging out. So yes, I guess I was a second choice at that point but we were together for 3.5 years, and I was the one who ended it. He still wants me.

    The next guy I got involved with who I am in love with, was still not over his ex-girlfriend. I'm not sure if it makes me a second choice in this case, as there's a 99% chance they're not getting back together (not at this point anyway). His ex has been dating someone else for a year now.

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