Would you date someone even if you weren't attracted to each other?

This is currently a question amongst my friend circle, so I decided to bring it to GAG. I have a friend who is interested in dating platonically, meaning she would like to take someone on dates and go about that without the romantic/physical attraction attached. Would you ever platonically date someone? Why or why not?

Updates:
2mo I'm seeing the most common thing being that it could lead to mixed signals and someone developing feelings for the other, even if they both started out lacking that. I agree, I prefer to date someone I at least feel a romantic attraction towards.

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What Guys Said 43

  • It depends on quite what you mean by the question:

    1.) I would date someone I'm not emotionally attracted as far *initial* dates go. Like I can't expect real emotional attraction to be there without really knowing the person. It's more ideal if there is something already there, but that's just an ideal. As far as physical attraction goes though, I wouldn't date someone if I wasn't physically attracted to them. It would be unfair to them and myself in the long run if things were to ever continue. I can't expect them to change their appearance and I can't expect my preferences will suddenly change.

    A very important note however is that I would take someone on a date only if I had potential for a relationship. I think of initial dating as a test to see if you want to go further with them by getting to know the other person. It'd be a waste of their time and misleading if I was going on dates for no real reason.

    If the other person knows and is fine with it as well, that's not really quite dating then. That's just hanging out like friends lol

    2.) As far as actual dating (aka actually boyfriend and girlfriend), I would date someone only if I'm both physically and emotionally attracted to them in some sense. I wouldn't want to advance a relationship if one of these two things were all but absent.

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  • NO, at some point one or the other starts to have 'feelings' beyond that. Same with 'Friends with Benefits'! It seems a harmless thing, but one, not always the woman, starts to have more intimate, more loving feelings, and that totally ruins the friendship.

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  • Doesn't the urge to date stem from the fact that you are attracted to the other person? I get it if you are friends for a while then both develop feelings and start dating, but dating when you aren't attracted to them at all doesn't make sense to me. Why would you want to do that? Sounds kinda like a waste of time and money if you know nothing more will come out of the relationship.

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    • 2mo

      lol exactly. some women are so desperate for boyfriend/affection they will literally date someone they aren't phsically attracted to and convince themselvestheyre 'in a "stable" relationship. pretty sad lol

    • 2mo

      @animus1988 yeah girls would rather stay in it than do better for themselves.

  • And how exactly would those dates play out? Would she expect him to pay for it all? If so then he gains jack shit. Do they both pay? If so, then that's just a waste of money and time when they could be either looking for someone they'd actually want to date, or they could be doing literally anything else.

    But no, I wouldn't "date" someone like that. I see no point. Hang out? Sure. I mean, no problem in hanging out with someone. But if dating means I waste money on them then no. Totally not worth it.

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  • If you are not looking for the romance and attraction, etc., why would you call it dating? Doesn't that mean she just wants a guy to take her out, keep her entertained, and have him pay for everything but what is the incentive for the guy?

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  • Not a chance. That is absolutely pointless. Romantic interest is what distinguishes between friendships and relationships.

    If you are dating someone "platonically" you may as well just be friends with them. Plus, if you claim you are dating, they might get the wrong idea (God, I wonder why?), and oh... I don't know... like... wanna kiss you or something? You know... that thing normal couples do... WHEN THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO EACHOTHER.

    -_____-

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  • I'd have to have some base attraction to them physically, but as long as I can get it up then personality is far more important to me lol

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  • No, because it's pointless. The point of dating is to find out if you both have the potential for a real relationship and a relationship can't happen if both the guy and the girl aren't attracted to each other. Attracted doesn't mean physically attracted because so many different things make one attractive. It's everything, their looks, their smarts, their work ethic, their humor, their passion, their ambition, etc. Without attraction, there is no point for a date.

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  • Umm isn't the whole point of dating someone being a sort of appreciation and telling them that you love EVERYTHING about them. If you weren't attracted to them physically or mentally then why would you date them? If you weren't attracted to them mentally then why would you even be friends with them?

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  • Well, I wouldn't "date" them. I'd do fun things with them as a friend of course, but if I am going to date someone, there has to be romance. I've never heard of "platonic dating" to be honest, but I don't think it's for me.

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  • Just make sure she pays her own way and it is cool. And that isn't dating, that is just hanging out with a friend.

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  • Hell no, if I am not attracted to them then there is zero point to date them.

    Asking someone out and dating them with the romantic (read: dating) but with no intention of the physical is called "leading them on".

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  • There has to be attraction however attraction can grow overtime and you'll see that person becoming more attractive to you. Attraction can stem from all kinds of things such as looks, confidence, sense of humor, same similarities and so on but attraction needs to be there otherwise you're leading them on and better off just being friends.

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    • 2mo

      That's how i was go from not liking someone like that to wake up one day and realize you do, and why all this time you haven't acted.

  • I wouldn't call it dating if they are just going out as friends. Other than that to me if I'm not attracted to them then probably not since I see the main goal of dating as to get laid (which isn't happening if I'm not attracted to them or vice versa).

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  • Would you keep eating food you didn't like the taste of?

    What a silly question. You have to be attracted to them, end of story.

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  • NO. It's not "dating" without attraction or romantic inclinations...

    Dating is a stage of romantic and/or sexual relationships in humans whereby two or more people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage.

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  • That's basically friendship

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  • Definitely not because that's decieving. I don't care if we like each other's personality, I'm still not dating her.

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  • I actually tried once a girl i was not interested in.. i guess that's just desperation if you do that i. e you don't believe to find someone else your genuinely interested in. There's like the others mentioned seriously no point in dating. Attraction is the foundation.

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  • I don't think so.

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  • Well, I was hanging out with someone a lot for a while, but I wouldn't do that again. Really hurt me.

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  • Nope, not for me. Isn't the "point" of dating to find a romantic partner you want to spend your life with? If there's no attraction, it's just hanging out.

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  • That sounds like such a waste of time xD

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  • Nope
    Some sort of feelings are important

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  • Then what would be the point of it?

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  • You mean be friends with someone? We really have come far when we can no longer just say be friends with someone. If romance isn't involved you aren't dating you are just hanging out

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  • Nope never

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  • I wouldn't. I would need the initial physical attraction

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  • I can't do that unless i am attracted so no.

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  • No, don't think I would.

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What Girls Said 32

  • No, I would avoid that. I think you need to like someone for both their looks AND personality in order for a relationship to work. This is how I tend to see it:

    You're physically attracted but don't like their personality? They're nice to look at, but don't start anything with them.

    You like their personality but are not physically attracted to them? They're a friend.

    You like them both for their looks and personality? Potential bf/gf if they like you back.

    I think dating someone you have no romantic interest in can only end badly - you won't be happy with them because you don't actually like them THAT way, they won't be happy with you because even if they like you that way, your feelings aren't actually mutual so you'd be hurting their feelings and wasting their time as well as your own. No point in it.

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  • No. I cannot pretend to like someone I am not attracted to. Otherwise, I do that and they are who I call friends. I have plenty of guy friends and we go out to eat and go to movies and all that, but we are just friends and that is fine. If the guys are interested in her then she is just leading them on and that is also not fair to do to people.

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  • Why not? Sometimes attraction is immediate, sometimes it comes later and you are atttacted to their personality.

    The only important thing about dating without attraction is DATE, don't become intimate or pretend. Dating means enjoying a person's company and sharing mutual interests. It is wrong to be sucking face with someone you only see as friend material. And its important to be honest. If he invites you on date three and you are still not "feeling it" tell him kindly. "I enjoy your company but i feel like we would make better friends. Wpuld you like to hang out as friends sometimes instead?" you gave it a shot. No chem developed. But you were upfront honest and kind

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  • ... How do you platonically date someone?

    That's just going out with your buddies. Pretty sure it's A) Pointless and B) Someone will catch feelings and it'll cause issues.

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  • In my world, that's just known as 'hanging out'. Yeah, we can go out and do things, and have a great time, make some kick-@ss memories, enjoy each other's company, etc. but if I am not attracted to you, then we wouldn't be dating. Just spending time together. Otherwise isn't that just leading a guy on?

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  • If there's no "romantic or physical attraction" then it isn't really dating, is it?

    Sounds like describing friendship.

    I had a relationship with someone I didn't feel attracted to until feelings developed. He was kinda cute in a weird way up until my feelings developed, then he was very attractive (still in a weird way) at the height of my feelings. I wouldn't do that again tho, things are more exciting when both people are very attracted to each other.

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  • No, I don't see the point. They might as well be my friend.

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  • I couldn't date a guy if I wasn't physically attracted to.

    It's his appearance that initially attracts me, but it's his personality that I fall in love with. So his personality determines if my feelings develop and the relationship continues

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  • Sure at your age. I went out wuth guys with no romantic intention. Didn't understand what datibg meant. I called them my friends. They may have see me differently.
    At my age, I don't and can't do that anymore. When guys go out with you it's because they like you and hope to have meaning dating experience with you.

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  • sure i would, build friendship

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  • Waste of time. Better to say we're friends and be done with it.

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  • No way.

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  • No. What's the point in that?

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  • no it simply wouldn't work

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  • No. It wouldn't work

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  • You mean like... friendship? I think its been done before. I dont see how you are dating someone if you are not attracted to them

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  • Nope.

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  • Nope

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  • Yes I would and have done for the first time quite recently. I had an awful breakup and we are part of the same large group of friends. I started dating one of our mutual friends purely to try and bother my ex and get over him. I know... childish and cold, but honest. I had no emotional attraction to him, never wanted too develop an emotional attachment and stopped texting him back when I got bored. I, of course had to get over the breakup after but now I am seeing one of the loves of my life.

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  • Definitely not. I wouldn't be able to be with someone who I didn't find attractive.

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  • nope

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  • I have, never again

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  • That's a regular friendship in my opinion. So I don't see why she's being fussy about it.

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  • No. That's a waste of time/

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  • That just means being friends. Why do you call it dating?

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  • Well... i would love to give it a try... but if it rlly didn't work then not!
    Im not gonna force my self but if i think that its no use then i wont!

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  • Nope

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  • No if there's not attraction howndo myou maintain the relationship?

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  • I don't honestly understand the point of it.

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