Are guys really turned off by girls who pay?

I've always been the type of girl to offer to pay for dates or at least half. I'm even down with taking turns paying. I really do not mind at all. I also have no problem making the first move or texting/calling someone first that I genuinely like. My friends tell me that I'm killing my game because men want to feel like men and pay, pursue me etc and to just let them do most of the work in the beginning of dating/relationship. I kinda get what they're saying but it just seems so weird to me that I can't text someone I want to talk to and just sit there waiting for him lol. I mean guys are busy too and I'm sure guys want to feel wanted as well. I don't know maybe I'm doing this whole dating thing wrong lol. Only asking because I have my first date after a big break up coming up. I like him enough to give dating a chance again, but don't wanna ruin it when I pull out my card to pay. 😂


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Most Helpful Guy

  • That is honestly a plus. For example if I offer to pay for the first date, and you offer to pay for your part, I will be like "alright, no leech, that's cool :)'
    And then I'll just insist and pay anyway, it could be seen as a little test xD

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    • 2mo

      Lol dating is weird 😧 I just know times are hard, but if you like someone's company, money should be the least of your worries. I hope I pass the test with this guy lol

    • 2mo

      hehehehee :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • No it's your dating life. Do whatever you are comfortable with.
    If a guy found that a turn off or don't like you for who you are, then he's not the right guy for you anyways.
    This guy I been seeing, well he asked me out first technically but I already had a plan so it didn't work out when he asked. So after that he wouldn't text me for like 5 days or so (I thought he lost interest) I asked him out and on our first date he said he really wanted to see me and he's glad I came out to see him. Our first date was amazing, but then he wouldn't ask me out for the second date 😂 and it's been almost two weeks lol (I thought he lost interest.. Again!) so I asked him out AGAIN haha and he said yes... and our second date went great as well.
    Some guys they not sure about your feeling towards them and they sometimes insecure/feel not good enough for you so you need to initiate things and kinda lead the relationship.. Some actually prefer that way.
    So whatever works for you just be you. If he likes you and is very much interested in you, you taking initiative won't bother him nor turn him off at all.

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What Guys Said 26

  • I would imagine some guys with a fragile male ego would be turned off, but an ever increasing guys of younger generations couldn't be more appreciative of girls who pay.

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    • 2mo

      Lol I dated a guy who literally outside the restaurant told me to give him my money that I was going to pay with so it would look like HE was paying. I was like really -_- lol

    • 2mo

      Sorry but that was just pathetic.

  • " I mean guys are busy too and I'm sure guys want to feel wanted as well. " Yup.
    It's nice of you to pay, but the guy might feel it's his duty and he's failing at it. I could have the feeling of using a girl that pays, even tho I'm not. So it's really nice but you might want to keep your coin, because your boyfriend won't feel like a man but more like a parasite. At least I would. I know it's sort of stupid to feel that way, but it's what I'd feel. But keep the texting habit. Some guys are too shy and you will often need to make the first move.

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  • I have no problem if the girls pays for herself and wants to date again. Its a nice change

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  • Your friend has no idea what they are talking about. Everything you listed was a turn ON. If a girl offered to pay or go dutch on the first date, she'd get automatic points in my book.

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  • Personally I see you as strong and independent. you see someone you like you go after it. There is a way to share the cost with out saying much. That way is bring cash with you let him pay on one condition you cover the tip. If it goes well and there a 2nd date tell him your paying next time and he covers the tip

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  • I think that would be marvellous and would really appreciate the gesture. It would be a huge turn on for me.

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  • No I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it would be sweet if a girl told me she liked me or wanted to help pay for a date ❤️

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  • That's actually really cool

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  • I personally wouldn't listen to advice from your female friends.
    It sounds a little too much like something they would want men to do for them as opposed to something men actually want to do.

    I guess people are different, but I personally don't have a need to pay people's bills to make myself "feel like a man".
    I don't chase, my time is valuable and when I offer my attention I expect attention to be offered to me in return.
    If it isn't, I will simply move on.

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  • I didn't completely read your post, because I'm old school and never let a girl pay for anything.

    Once I took my girl and her friend out to one of our favorite places, (a really cool place we frequented called The Stonehouse ; an early 1700's stone bldg). We partied soup to nuts, and when I excused myself to the men's room they paid the tab. I wasn't happy, I felt awkward, but didn't show it. That was the ONLY time I didn't pay (over $200)

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  • Don't listen to your friends lol. It's always admirable when a girl shows some respect for a man (and pays for her bit) than use him as a meal ticket.

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  • If my girlfriend insists that she wants to pay all my bills because she is the daughter of a billionaire , I will gladly agree.

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  • maybe other girls but not me.

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  • nope, instead those girls are awesome

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  • Not at all. I take it as a sign she is interested in me, and not just interested in a free meal.

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  • I'm not. Not sure why other guys might be.

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  • no. i like it... indicates she's not an entitled brat

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  • no it says i have my money too

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  • offer all you want but i will go to the loo and pay at the bar while you are waiting

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  • No lol i never met a girl who offers to pay thatd be so cool

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  • i love it. it only shows that she's really into me.

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  • No not a turn off at all.

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  • Thats so sweet of you. I need a girl like you :)

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  • I would be happy if you paid. If I paid its ok to😃

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  • I'm guessing most -- if not all -- of these friends are female?
    "because men want to feel like men and pay, pursue me etc and to just let them do most of the work in the beginning of dating/relationship"
    Because girls want men to want to "act like men" and pay, pursue me etc and to just let them do most of the work in the beginning of dating/relationship
    FTFY

    You're gem, don't ever change. The only reason trying to pay would cause problem anywhere near frequently is because guys don't trust girls when they say they want to pay because there are too many women who say a woman should always offer but never pay, as perverted as that sounds. Many guys, even most, are convinced that the safest bet is to just pay for the whole thing, unless the girl *really* insists otherwise.

    Just keep doing what you're doing, stay the path. :)

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  • Your friends are the type to read cosmo and say they arw experts. What your doing is normal behaviour I wouldn't even say it's good what your doing its normal I repeat. Society just makes it so that because most women don't do it you look completely different. I wouldn't date a Girl like your friends I would date you taking other things into account.
    All you have to do Is think would I want to pay for a man or pursue a man all the time NO so it's the same for us.

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What Girls Said 5

  • If he were to get turned off by that (which I highly doubt he would), he's not worth your time anyways.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah you're right! I should just be myself and paying for dates is what I do :) lol

    • 2mo

      Exactly! You shouldn't feel like you need to change anything about yourself to get a guy... he should like you for who you are :)

  • The guys I know are, they guys on here obv won't

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  • Your opinion is golden. Honesty is best. Games will drive ya besetk. Drive your train how you see fit and Listen To The Guy in Front of you- not your friends you will then be dating men more compatible with you. Its a win/win

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    • 2mo

      Besides 'blowing it' dating really is screening out the ones that aren't good matches anyways. Thats a good thing. You dont want just-any guy- you want someone with views like yours.

  • I text the guys I like whenever I want. What exactly am I waiting for? My boyfriend and I take it in turns to pay. I had to get him out of the habit of trying to pay for me all the time. I found it annoying lol

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    • 2mo

      When I said I texted the guys I like, I was referring to when I was single lol

  • It seems the latest guy I dated wasn't.

    First date I think you should offer to split but don't insist if he says no, let him pay.

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