I have a situation and I need to get out of it?

I could use some feedback from everyone here...

So I met a girl online 2 weeks ago and so far she's had an amazing personality. She doesn't come across as self-entitled, she is very understanding and she seems to be really into me. I found it suspicious however that she only posted face pictures on her profile.

We ended up scheduling a date for tomorrow but there's a problem...

I went onto POF where I found her and she uploaded some new pictures of her full body which revealed 200 lb+ body size. I simply can't develop feelings for a girl that big. I can't.

Any feedback/suggestions on how to get out of this date ASAP without hurting her feelings would be greatly appreciated.

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* This has to be said. I'm sure a few girls will call me shallow or inconsiderate or even a flat out asshole for rejecting a girl because of her true size. Before you do so, please remember all the guys you rejected over traits they had no control over, such as skin colour, hair colour, etc.*
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Most Helpful Girl

  • hey there, ok straight off the bat, you are here asking the question how do i get out of it but oh please dont judge me? youve expressed your connection that she has appealed to you differently than a lot of females around these days, you already suspected something about her facial pictures only and investigated, you state you could never feel connected with someone of this bigger stature? ok curve ball, you have met eachother, you have connected, she has affected you in ways that you like and have responded to, then boom after research physically a flat profile picture has completely stunned you and stumped you into believing she had nothing more no to offer you... imagine for a moment her life she is over weight because of god knows what reasons but ultimately unhappiness... she has met you and she is not that far from a body physical image that would appeal to you and that is fair enough, what if your meeting her was an event in life that if you for one moment by passed everything youve been conditioned to believe and get over gave her and you a chance that in even six months she could with you by her side changing her inner self become the better physical image of herself and in six months you and her are side by side having an awesome time and maybe an incredible future, so now here you are, throwing this potential away? far enough im not judging you or her my point is this, is the connection you have had with her has been beyond anything else you have felt with another person? you must see yourself as a person more physically attractive than her, what if you had an accident and become disabled and could not ever have the ability to retain your former condition and never had the chance of love... she only has weight to lose thats all it is... i reckon you should meet her and if there is a vibe of connection you feel in person then take it from there, you dont have to think of getting physical and intimate which i expect totally is not your thing in an attractive sense but what if you might be missing out on an opportunity of a lifetime because you can't see past her body image? xx

    • 1mo

      Firstly, let me say that I really appreciate the input.

      To be completely honest: No I can't see past her body frame at all. That is a deal breaker for me.

      Let me provide a little bit of justification why: I have worked hard on myself. I completed my BSc and am working on my MSc right now. I work out/bike 40k+/week, and sit at a healthy weight of 170 lb. at 6'3".

      I have made myself to be a high value male and I would expect the absolute equivalent in any woman that I let into my life.

      Does it sound narcissistic/jerky? I admit... yes it does. Am I proud of this? Nope.

      But girls reject Indian guys because of their skin colour, or autistic guys because of their quirks, etc etc, among other physical attributes. So why should I not have the privilege of being selective into who I let into my life?


    • 25d

      wow totally great response, that is what i love about here sometimes!! intelligence and honesty, my initial feelings were as i read your words, what if you sent those words to her? might sound bizarre to most but im thinking if you took the time and care to add a few words about how you did connect to her even in a mind, spiritual or soul sense however you felt it but the truth is this because of the way we got on i do not want to lie to you and be dishonest. imagine if you did this, you as a person has spent time and thought to this matter showing care and consideration, you are also being completely honest and you are completely correct you have every right to feel what you find attractive and the persons drive etc. who knows if you took the time to relay this to this girl with respect it could potentially change her life for the better, or you could simply not respond anymore, thats your call xx

    • 25d

      Haha thanks. So I called it off and I was flat out honest with her, telling her that I felt a bit deceived. From the sounds of it, she took it ok. I can't speak for what she felt like on the inside though. We did keep on texting a bit after though and it was sort of clear to me that we live two completely different lifestyles. Eventually we sort of just stopped texting and it petered out. I am hoping she found someone else that is a bit more congruent with her!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey man, there is nothing wrong with having standards about what you do or do not find attractive and don't let anyone make you feel ashamed of that. Part of being a man is knowing what you want and don't want and then sticking to those standards to take it. I've been there before, some people are very dishonest about their physical appearance and all you can do is confront that dishonesty with honesty on your part.

    You should contact her before the date, either tonight or tomorrow morning ahead of time and let her know you saw the POF pictures and that you are no longer interested in going on the date. You do not have to go into any further detail than that, she's going to know why without you saying anything, but you owe her nothing more than that. Be nice about it, apologize for disappointing her and for cancelling and just leave it at that.

    After that, simply cut contact and learn from this experience.

    Good luck.

    • 1mo

      Boom. You hammered the nail on the head. I've tried to hint at it by saying I'm not looking for a relationship but she seems to have sort of ignored that one. The next step is to confront dishonesty with honesty as you have said.

      I appreciate the feedback.

      Cheers man!

    • 28d

      I'm glad to hear you found my opinion useful. I would love an update on how it all went.

    • 28d

      Was logged on right as you posted this. I never ended up going. I flat out told her that I felt a bit deceived. She seemed understanding all though I'm sure she was outraged on the inside lol

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