Shy guy, never had a girlfriend! Help?

There's this guy I have a college class with and I really like him. He's such a sweetheart and respectful. Like 100% boyfriend material, haha. The only problem is that he just never has had a girlfriend so I'm always the one putting myself out there it seems because he acts like he doesn't know what to do. I've never really had to do the chasing when I've liked someone.. guys always make the first move. I've had mutual friends of ours tell him I like him.. he just avoids it or tells them to stop because he doesn't like people knowing his business or gossiping. I finally worked up the courage to tell him myself and he just thanked me for being honest and said the reason he didn't speak up about it was because everyone would talk about it. He never said if he liked me or not and I thought things would be super awkward but he still jokes around with me in class and acts as if it never happened. We text each other and he always replies to me, but he never texts me first. Some people have said maybe he isn't down for a girlfriend or maybe he just doesn't know how to go about it. Is that really a problem boys have? Like it would be nice for him to show a little effort. I'm just so lost because he's acting like it never happened. A mutual friend of ours told me he said that he's waiting for the right one and he's just waiting for a relationship to fall in his lap. The same mutual friend has known him for years and said he has really bad self confidence issues and that's probably why he's not doing anything. I just don't know how upfront I have to be or what I would do to get a real answer from him without seeming crazy obsessed with it. Even though I am.  He's a great guy, just acting weird and im
not sure how to go about it. HELPPP.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay so take a breath. And another one. This is not a big problem at all. A 19 year old man who has never been in a relationship is a man who does not possess the skills to get into one. You will be his first. You need to start getting closer to him, physically. Make sure he knows by your touch that you want him. Pull his arm and drag him places. When you can sit as close as possible with him, if at all possible touching. Lean your head on his shoulder. If he doesn't want to talk about it cuz it feels weird, then take out the middle man just do girlfriend stuff with him. In sales we call it an assumptive close. Just operate as if he likes you back and wants to date. He isn't going to start putting his arm around you, or hold your hand first. He just doesn't know when it's okay to do at this point. He is afraid he will do something wrong and been seen as a creep, or weird. Once you get close to him nature will take over and he will start getting more involved.

    This isn't gonna be an easy job, but if you really like this guy let me tell you. I had never had a relationship until I was 19 either and that first one was amazing. She did all the things I have told you to do and even though we are no longer together, she taught me things about life that I will never forget. You can finally open this man to a new side of himself, if you just show him the way.

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    • 2mo

      Hey thanks so much!! Makes a lot of sense and I really enjoyed the connection to assumptive close. Im a believer in The Secret.. the theory that if you just act as if you already have something you will eventually get it.

    • 2mo

      Ha-ha I don't know about the secret, but I do know this guy is lucky he has someone worrying about him like this. I hope it all goes well for you.

    • 2mo

      Totally recommend the secret! It opened my mind to a bunch of different things. It's a book and also a movie on Netflix! You can also look up a bunch of things online. And thankyou so much!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think if he likes you he will confess once he is sure of his feelings

    If you can wait till then. Do so

    by the way what's. His college major?

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What Guys Said 7

  • The thing about not wanting people to talk about it... It's almost like he is ashamed that you are showing interest in him.

    Even if he isn't, can you really date someone who can't handle some idle gossip, I mean if you went out, your own girlfriends would start talking about it right?

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    • 2mo

      I agree with the second part. I'm a very open person and he seems very private.

  • That guy sounds a lot like me. If he didn't like you back im sure he would stop talking to you. Maybe he's been rejected a few times in the past and is worried if he is too upfront with you he will scare you off. Its ok and probably better if you make the first move. Invite him to try out a restaurant with you and if he thinks he might be busy that day suggest a different day. Us shy guys can be difficult at first we just need to be coaxed out of our shells. It might be worth it dont give up on us!!!

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  • Approach him. I didn't really give a shit about relationships until college. The girls I've met approach me for some reason. I'm incredibly shy so my girlfriend approached me. Don't pressure him too much. Just approach him. Start a conversation. Become his friend. Then ask him out. That's how it worked out for me.

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  • If he doesn't than you should go for it, I guess he will be really nervous so don't go too hard on him and tell him "I like you, do you like me?".

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  • Ask him out.

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    • 2mo

      That doesn't seem weird? I mean I'm sure if I do it won't be as awkward as I think it'll be. It's just so out of my comfort zone because I'm a girl and I've always had guys ask me out.

    • 2mo

      We'll continue to sit there and wait.

  • I think one of the dumbest things girls do is wait to be noticed and pick from those men who make their interest known by chasing them.
    Girls have been taught from society, this is how it should be, it is wrong on so many levels and then they complain "all the good guys are not available" and it's untrue, they are just not pursing what they want is all. They are also being very narrow minded and using presumption to interpret guys seeing my lack of interest is anything but overly chasing them. I have all the respect in the world for women but this is the one thing that makes them seem dumb. They are gambling with their lives, their entire futures, simply because they have taught they should sit back and wait to be noticed.
    To hell with the hair flips, just go for it

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What Girls Said 0

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