How can you tell if a guy genuinely is shy and likes you or is just not interested?

Usually I can deicpher when someone is into me but this one guy is tricky.

Go to same gym and college. Whenever I see him I usually say hi, he smiles and says hi back and I catch him glancing at me a lot from time to time. However he doesn't make an effort to come talk to me/get to know me and usually I say hi if I see him but today he looked really annoyed and when we walked by each multiple times today other he didn't even acknowledge me, even when I smiled he just looked straight ahead with a grumpy expression on his face...

should I:
a) leave it and move on he wants to talk to me he can make the effort but if he is annoyed at me for being friendly then I should back off.
B) be straight up and honest say I want to get to know him more and hang out
c) continue to be nice and Friendly
note: im just confused


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Most Helpful Guy

  • lol of course the guy is interested in you. Shy guys find it really hard to talk to their crush so they will compensate by stealing a glance when he thinks you don't notice or making an effort to be around you when there is no reason for him to be around. Also he might have an idealist view of you thinking your perfect giving up hope that a girl like you would be interested in him hence him becoming grumpy and coming of as cold personality when he is not.

    I think a combination of option B and C will work. Just be friendly with him and occasionally ask him to hang out with you. You might have to try a few times just don't be too forward or he might get nervous and shy. I would try that for a month or two and if he still won't hang out with you after that I think you need to move on.

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    • 2mo

      Okay I'm just making sure I'm not coming off as annoying... for all I know he could have a girlfriend and I don't want to seem like I'm coming on to him by being friendly and nice if he's uncomfortable with it. Then again I don't think he's dating anyone but I don't know him well enough.
      We've been at the same gym for two months, see him all the time at school... I asked him to go to a pub night once that I was selling jello shots at for charity but he already had plans I think... and I'm not sure but whenever feel him looking I look but he's not looking at me at all. I don't know I'll try c today if he's nice and friendly then yay if not I'll just be straight up honest with b tomorrow get it over with and move on. Thank u:)

    • 2mo

      Have you tried adding this guy to your Facebook or other social networking? That will give you a lot of info on what he is into and whether he has a girlfriend unless of course he does not post anything. Fb is a good measuring stick in my opinion. If someone won't add me I take it as a not interested. Good luck.

What Guys Said 17

  • guys are not girls so don't worry about what you might do in his shoes and how you think that correlates to his behavior and what you suspect he thinks of you. At the very LEAST, he likes the look of you and given that guys are physical and visual creatures you're off to a pretty good start! This could be a case of male visual adoration, not all guys are direct in their approach to women, some feel intimidated, even, by a beautiful woman. Do B) give yourself a chance, for you :).

    As saidmike would say, let it roll let it roll, let him win your heart, it's all for a better day =)

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  • first off quit thinking guys have to do everything such as approach etc. just talk to him, tell him how you feel and what you want of him, girls seriously gotta quit the mystery shit. and if he seems afraid of making eye contact then he's shy, trust me im very shy and i fear making eye contact with a girl, unless she's very friendly then i look at her deeply, plus having a beautiful girl suddenly talk to me (extremely rare) makes me excited and happy. his grumpyness and seeming annoyed is his frustration with you not being forward with him.
    so i vote B and C its not confusing its just girls assume things too much that she's not supposed to do when in fact she is supposed to do something.

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    • 2mo

      thank you,
      I agree I don't know I suppose if I put it out their I'd have my answer so I could either move on or maybe things would be mutual. I'm really not sure id like to get to know him better even just as friends before jumping in knees deep but if he's annoyed with me approaching him and trying to talk to him it's kinda discouraging to go full out. Idk:S

    • 2mo

      just make sure you tell him that.

  • He probably doesn't like you "that way". You could keep talking to him but it might not go anywhere really

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    • 2mo

      That's what I figured as well, I actually do the same when a guy is coming on a little strong and I'm not interested, I'll avoid eye contact, look kind of annoyed so I don't get approached and avoid them essentially... I've initiated conversation a couple of times with him and usually their positive feedbacks... I just don't want to come off as "I'm super into you hence why I keep smiling and talking to u or saying hi" if he's not interested and if I'm annoying him.

  • b)

    But not when he's looking grumpy - he may have just punted a midterm or his dog just died or something. Wait for a more positive moment.

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  • He likes you if he won't stop staring at your tits.
    This message has been endorsed by Jeb Bush

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  • B. Instead of guessing talk to him first instead of waiting for him to go to you (which may never happen if he's shy, even if he does want to jump your bones).

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    • 2mo

      :) thank you.
      I have approached him before in the past a number of times just saying hi how are you etc. What program are you in how do you like it, etc. So I've kind of gotten to know him but I feel like I do a lot of the initiating and yesterday he didn't look like he wanted to be approached. Plus if I don't say anything neither does he so no friendly exchange happens. However I have been told he is super shy but at the same time I have talked to him enough where it would be nice for him to just say hi and go from their if he wanted to talk:S

  • Ask him out. I'm like this with a woman and it's because I like her but I am not sure we'll be a good match. We seem to different.

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    • 2mo

      Well a couple weeks ago I asked him to attend a charity school event I was running. It was basically a dance where we were selling Jell-O shots for a chairty. He seemed interested but he also said he was doing something... he never showed. Does that count as asking him out?

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    • 2mo

      That's what I was thinking... i remember asking what he was doing that night he mumbled something he seemed kind of shocked I asked and nervous (after the convo he was really red in the face) I don't know what he said... so I told him my program was doing a charity even pub night and he should come if he changes his mind... added him to the Facebook invite a while later but he never responded to that or came. Which is fine I suppose it was still an invitation tho if me putting myself out their and he rejected it. So I should move on but continue to be friendly u think?

    • 2mo

      I think he's intimidated by you and I say this because he acts like me, though I would have accepted your offer. Ask him out once more before moving on.

  • B, always honesty.

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  • He doesn't sound like he is worth pursuing. Ever hear the adage that is someone isn't nice to the waitress they aren't nice? If he can go to the gym, but can't be friendly then he's not worth it. Stick with the adults.

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  • Continue to be nice and friendly. One day he might just open up and accept that he likes you.

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  • If you like him. just b. It is better for you both.

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  • Two years on this site and I still can't believe girls..

    B of course.

    You don't make an effort to talk to him/get to know him (correct me if you have) but then seem to be complaining that he's not making an effort to talk to you/get to know you... whut? I can't even.

    Annoyed at you... for being friendly? Are you trying to rationalise something? Because that sounds ridiculous.

    You can tell if he's not interested or shy by expressing interest to him -- to his face, not some cryptic signal like Morse code blinking or something. Flirt!

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    • 2mo

      Mhmmm I r approached him a couple of times saying hi and asked what program he was in and how he likes it etc. U are right tho. I suppose I need to get my flirt on which is more than just saying hi and smiling:P

  • He is just most likely shy and just trying to play it cool. He probably likes you and just doesn't know how to confront you. That use to be me when I had social anxiety. Sometimes people just have that natural angry/annoyed face but in their minds they think differently. Tbh i am having a similar situation with you. If a girl does this what would it mean? I would start a conversation with this girl since she always doesn't and it is always awkward at work and when ever I start the conversation she just becomes so open and smiles a lot. But she never starts the conversation with me.

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    • 2mo

      I'm not sure. I suppose I'd tell you to leave her alone for a bit but continue to be friendly and see if she decides to start to talk to u. But at the same time if she does become so open and seems happy to talk to you that would be the perfect opportunity to get to know her on a deeper level so the two of you can become comfortable around each other. Your situation sounds very similar to mine!

    • 2mo

      She starts a conversation after the first time i start to talk to her. So every time i see her, I would always be the one to break the ice then later on during the day, she would start a conversation. She's starting to tease me a bit but i don't want to over think things so i will just be nice to her for the time being until everything i clear.

      by the way I forgot to tell you what you should do. You should probably do b and c in your situation

  • I think I'm like him. He might have just been having a really bad day. I'd say just do B.

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  • probably didn't have a very good day, women do the same, when they don't have good days. i wouldn't pay too much attention to that

    do you actually have any classes with him, or do you just see him around?

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    • 2mo

      We're in different programs but we see each other around literally all the time in school. Whether in the cafe, walking to class, getting coffee in the morning or going to the gym. Maybe he was having a bad day earlier but I seen him later in the day and he was with his friends from class all happy and smiley. They weirdly enough sat diagonal from me and he was facing me to see me but he never came to talk to me when I was alone and when I was with a friend and he got up to leave he past by me without looking at me and im pretty sure he knew I was their so :S

  • I am shy to, and we can get bipolar with girls we like ok😅 I think you'll just have to be patient and talk to him about it

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    • 2mo

      ... maybe I don't know I just didn't get a good vibe from him today, maybe I do need to be patient:L thank you for the advice!

    • 2mo

      Let me add more insight😅 when I get a crush, sometimes I worry too much and I think "oh she doesn't like mee😱" Then I get cold with her for a while, maybe he's like that to, hopefully this was helpful😂

    • 2mo

      True thank you, Maybe I just need to be more obvious :L so he doesn't get cold feet. at least I understand what your saying, and it's really helpful coming from your perspective so thank you:))))

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What Girls Said 5

  • I say just stop trying to interpret everything. If you can't sense that he likes you then he doesn't like you in that way. The point is you never know unless you go up to him and make friendly talk. Get to know him more if your interested instead of looking for signs.

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    • 2mo

      Thank you:) your 100% right trust your intuition. I have talked to him before and tried to get to know him but like I said today he just seemed like he didn't want to be talked to... who knows maybe if I see him again I'll say hi again and start a convo:) thank you!

  • Guys are pretty serious about the gym and will rarely go there to ask girls out. He may enjoy looking at you while he works out but may be doing so in form of personal motivation, or because he has a girlfriend. If you really, really want to break the ice, do it on your way out of the gym. It is my personal experience that the shyest of guys will come up and talk to you if they really want you... especially after a smile.

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    • 2mo

      I agree 100% usually I can tell if someone likes me at the gym/finds me attractive because they look at me a lot, try to talk, etc. But with him I don't notice that, he seems pretty focused in their and your right he could have a girlfriend or could be seeing someone I haven't asked him. I've broken the ice with him before and he always seems positive, friendly and smiley but like you said even if he is shy if he really wanted to get to know me he would break the ice. Maybe I should smile more but irregardless overthinking>yes do you think I should just leave it be? He talks to me great he doesn't move on theirs other fish in the sea?

    • 2mo

      The mystery is killing you and so is the fact that he is the only one not going after you lol. That is totally understandable. Wait a little while until he looks like he is having a better day and then you can ask him out if you really really want to.

    • 2mo

      Thank you:) your amazing :)))

  • guys who don't make an effort typically don't like you.

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    • 2mo

      Thank you, I agree I mean whenever we see each other in the hallways sometimes he says hi but if he isn't making an effort to actually talk even if he is considered shy I should just leave it, be friendly but forget about him, right?

  • For the sake of closure so you don't waste your time and get hooked on him needlessly, do B.

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    • 2mo

      Thank you!!! I'm not to sure what I'm going to do but I really like your mindset so who knows maybe if I see him I'll just be straight up and honest :)

  • i say A

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