Don't offer to split the bill if you don't want to split the bill. How hard is that? You can't offer to do something for him and then be surprised or judge his character when he accepts. If you don't want to, don't offer. You only have yourself to blame if it makes you uncomfortable. And instead of fighting with you over it, he decided to let you split the bill. Probably even appreciated you offering. I really don't see the problem here, except the fact that you apparently say things without really meaning them, and then judging someone else for believing you.
Is he new to the dating scene? Some guys who have little experience will often agree to a "split the bill" offer. Think about it, he probably lurked around a few forums to get insight on how things work. Plenty of women admit that they would be offended if they offered to split the bill and the man rejected. He could have accepted just to make sure not to offend you. I would say go on another date. This time, offer to split the bill in a more subtle, "I want you to pay, but I'm offering just to be nice" type of way. Something like, "If you would like, we could split the bill again."
At this point in time no civilised guy (that is, excluding trogs) wants to be labeled as sexist and that means respecting her right to share a lunch tab. To insist on paying is considered by many women as a remnant of the 1950's and highly insulting. You are not one of these, but you did offer to share the tab. You put him in an extremely awkward position. Does he insist on paying and risk getting lable a male chauvinist pig, or share with you and risk being called a cheapskate or worse. Communication matters.
I definitely believe in picking up the tab, especially if I proposed the date. Though you can't blame the dude here, you did offer to split the ticket. He likely was confused and didn't consider that his meal was more expensive. In our silly heads if a woman wants to split the ticket it normally means they aren't interested and wish to get out of this guilt free.
At least that is how my silly head works. People rarely will upfront tell you how they feel about a second date during the first, so we learn to look for tells. As in if a chick suddenly has to make a call in the middle of a meal and feigns an emergency then ducks out, it is likely there won't be a second date. I actually laughed when this happened to me for two reasons: 1) she wasn't my type and I felt like I was doing her a favor with the date 2) I have used a similar tactic and was amused at how poorly she pulled it off.
No worries on your part, next date don't offer to split. Just let it ride baby.
I, Myself, who have "Tons" with Many a '1st date,' @Beach_lover88, Never have had to Pay that Day, it has Always been Him who Has... Put down his Card or even Cash. Now that you have Started the Ball and All rolling, he May expect You to Go in Halves with Him on every Date thereafter. It's niuce though that even though this Occurance has Not gotten your own Panties in a Twist, Perhaps I can Suggest that when the bill comes, excuse yourself and Tell him while he is Paying the Bill, you are going to Freshen up in the Ladies Room. This will Be your own Helpful Hint, and also to See what kind of Guy has your Eye. Good luck. xx
Thanks for the Update, and please feel free to comment on mine here. In the meantime, continue yo Choose someone, hun for MHO and this will Help to Close the lion's mouth. If it is too soon to close this, keep trying. xx
Like, you offered to pay. If you didn't mean it, why say it? He probably thought you were trying to be modern and that you'd be offended if he said no. And like, he probably just isn't a traditional guy who wants to force traditional stuff on you. I don't see anything wrong, other than your reaction. I think things are ok.
I got into some trouble with my recent question in the same topic. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2105829-there-has-been-an-ongoing-debate-on-who-should-pay-for-a-first-date And while I believe a guy should handle the first date, the majority suggested whoever asks, pays. I think after inviting you his acceptance to take your card for half implies he doesn't want conflict and isn't a really assertive or confident with his actions... or cheap.
"Whoever invites, pays" is usually said by women. And why wouldn't they?
The problem with "whoever invites, pays", is that women don't make the first move nearly as often as men. Men still end up asking out the woman 90% of the time, so they also end up paying 90% of the time. It's disingenuous to pretend like you're for equality, but still knowing that you won't have to abide by what you said anyway.
@Kirah What crawled up your panties? If a guy asks a girl out he's expressed interest in and WANTS to take a girl out on a date, why shouldn't he pay for that? I'm not telling you what to do IF a guy were to ever ask you out, why so angry about my choices? I sense you are either a feminazi or a cheap dude catfish troll.
Your argument that men do most of the asking has ZERO relevance here. If guys are more concerned about the dollars in their wallet, they don't have to invite a girl on a date. It's that simple. But if a guy does take that leap of equating a possible relationship being worth more than the price of a cheeseburger, once he invites her. he needs to pay. My guess is instead of being a female, you are a bitter male who can't get a girlfriend whether he asks and pays or not.
@SarahsSummer dating is mutual. If you think you're doing him some sort of "favor", you need to seriously re-evaluate your attitude.
@MyExperience it is relevant, in the sense that many women will say "whoever invites pays, gosh I'm so pro-equality!". But it means very little if these women refuse to make the first move.
I love how you immediately accuse me of being a catfish. I get that all the time. But speaking out against my own privilege does not mean I must be a man.
@Kirah but do you hear yourself? What exactly is the issue in your mind? Men doing the asking and taking the responsibility, the proper etiquette of paying for their guest? Or are you angry with women not asking enough? If it's the former, you think someone other than the asker pays, or is it the latter, where women pay when they ask? You can't have it neither way. You actually have to choose one if you choose to be in this argument. So which is it? Women ask and pay, women ask and make the guy pay, men ask and pay or men ask but require women to pay? Do you see now how ridiculous your argument is of men paying ONLY because they do the majority of asking? Is it just that you like to argue when genders are involved? If your civic duty is to protect women, let them pay and be "equal" or is your civic duty to just reject all possibilities? You've missed the purpose of all of this. finding romance, finding love and finding a connection. Splitting the bill Is not a connection.
It's two people sitting at the same table and eating. Might as well put all dates at a caffateria, where all sorts of possibilities emerge from 4, 8, 20, 100 people all buying their own meals and sitting together at one big table. How romantic. Smh.
I think it's a good sign, it shows he respects you and your boundaries. I'm a bit different, I hate it when guys I've just met insist on paying for my share. I'm an independent woman that works and can her own damn way. It's like they're trying to buy your affections.
Need more women thinking like you. We are equal. Its a first date. Doesn't really matter. You both arnt even sure it so work. I so why does anyone have to pay for dates that don't work in the end?
@Paul09 Exactly and then if you do end up in a relationship or become friends, then take turns shouting each other for stuff. I really don't understand the mindset that some people have of where they expect the guy to foot the bill for everything. It's like GTFO, grow up and pay your share.
There are multiple trains of thought from his perspective
1st and most likely: he thought you offering to pay was a sign that you did not like him. Girls sometimes do do this when they aren't interested in the guy. But he asked you out again, so safe bet he's still into you.
2nd: He felt you offering to pay was a reasonable and nice thing to do. After all, you did eat your meal, and he did not. Why in the actual fuck should he pay?
Look, this is a stupid and outdated gender tradition. Yes, typically I will pay and will usually insist even if a girl offers to pay her own, but I still think it's incredibly fucking stupid. I will not have sex with you on the first date or probably even the third, so that idea is out the window. Why else should I pay for your meal? Especially if we both liked each other and wanted to get to know each other better? It's the modern era. You have a reasonable expectation to make just as much as I do, so pay for your own damn meal.
Please don't trap guys you go on a date with, guys don't like when girls play games like that. He probably took that as you being independent and low maintenance which is incredibly hot. Please give this guy a shot, if you draw conclusions on a guy that soon you may miss out on a great guy. The best guys you'll meet in life are those that aren't super easy to read, so don't assume the worst if you don't really know him yet.
Sorry if this sounds hostile. I'm just shedding some light on a positive possibility.
"I know I'm probably going to get some criticism for this question" Why would you? "It's not that I'm "using" him" It's pretty obvious that you aren't, don't worry. ;) "am I being too traditional?" Tradition expects the man to pay. So you're not being traditional, let alone too traditional. And who are we to judge you anyway? Haha. "Or would other girls feel slightly weird about this? " Why would they? "Also he was the one who asked me out " One more reason for him to pay. But it's your call if you want to cut his costs.
So you offer to split it and now you don't want to go out with him? that's FK'd up. I guess you offered because you really weren't feeling it.
As a guy if she wasn't interested... I'd appreciate us splitting it as it would feel like a "dinner with friends" and not like a date. I think it's F'd Up when girls Expect the guy to pay when they actually don't like him. It's not the 1950's... Girls wanted equal... I mean "Special treatment". So can uses some of that "Equal pay".
You can't "have your cake and eat it too." Whoever asked the other out and/or picked the location should pay. If you don't want a second date then split the bill and go your separate ways. With online dating, girls have made serial dating for drinks & dinner an art form. Waste of money for the guy that doesn't catch on.
I would not go out on a second date. Regardless of this whole 50/50 BS these boys tell themselves because they have long forgotten how to be men, accepting a girl to pay says everything you need to know about this kid. Think about it. These kids now have it easy to sleep around. They have it easy to switch partners like diapers because of how easy online dating has made it. They have it easy with women's movement to compete in the industry so that they can aspire to half instead of maning up to their roles as providers. When he accepts that you pay, you accept someone who has nothing to offer you. Nothing, unless you are so wealthy and independent that all you need is a walking dildo with a heartbeat and hair. The fact that you earn your way means that on top of being a nurturing woman who can hold the fort at home, you can also supplement a relationship with a man that offers you the role of a man.
So a "Real Man" treats a women like a prostitute and pays for her time or like she is a child and handles the adult stuff for her while she plays her mind games.
What a "Real Man" wants is an adult women who can handle her shit and knows what matters in life, not a little girl whore who has daddy issues.
That's stupid. First and foremost because she offered and in our day and age if a man doesn't do what a woman wants he is an asshole and a piece of shit because "reasons" as for forgotten how to be men, women stopped being women long before that point so really that's just the pot calling the kettle black. You want men to act like men then stop bitching and moaning when they do, you want to be treated like a lady then act like one its really simple. Its not men that are the problem its women who want to be treated like men and to be treated like women but are unwilling to explain at what times they want what and are unwilling to give anything back in return giving men very little reason to treat women like anything (well other then treating them like their bat shit crazy). I find it hilarious how women talk about how great they are and offer nothing in return. She offered to pay he accepted so now he is the asshole? That's idioticly stupid. This is why men just go for quick hookups.
@Jager66 *Men* are providers. Look up the definition within your family. Your daddy either wasn't around to raise you or failed.. just like you clearly are.
I wouldn't want a guy to pay for my meal (some guys think if they pay for your meal, they have the right to your buried treasure) & I definitely WILL NOT pay for his, so 50/50 is the best way to keep safe in my opinion
@hellionthesage Women have not forgotten how to be women. At the first sign of a woman attempting to cook you dinner or iron your shirt, boys run under the claim that the girl was acting like his mother. Second, guys always go for looks and what a surprise that hot and beautiful women can't do much because their entire life they have been handed an easy life. Meanwhile, all these other women that have all the qualities of a woman are placed on the side.
Third, and my point... This guy agreed to let this girl pay for two reasons, 1) He's a moocher or 2) despite him agreeing to a second date, he really didn't feel the spark and was okay being a dick by letting her pay because he's a moocher.
So this whole argument about the chicks you and bozo on the second comment about chicks being worthless, here is an example of a good woman being passed on.
@Beautiful68111 Not a guy I ever dated felt entitle to me because they paid. I have never been disrespected at all so maybe I have different standards and outlook on this deal.
1. You probably have daddy issues. 2. You have no respect for men, especially the ones you date. 3. You're a chauvinist pig. 4. You probably lie to your self, as in you are a prostitute but just call it "wanting a real man"
Nope. That's wrong as the rest of your statement was. Never heard a single man complain when a woman cooked for him, not once in the entirety of my life in fact most guys complain that they have to buy the girl dinner drive her around and then also have to cook for them. So no women are not women anymore they don't act feminine they don't act nurturing they act self obsessed they exploite and only think of themselves, in general obviously their are exceptions but unfortunately it seems like their isn't many. See whats happened is women want everything, men where respected and women where loved and cared for but women decided they wanted that respect too so now men get no respect and women get respect love and cared for. Men try to keep women happy but women keep changing the parameters as this question points out, she offered to pay and women scream about how sexist it is for a man to pay, so he accepted her request to split the bill and is now an asshole for it. He couldn't win.
as for your second point, no most guys like looks but that's not all they are after. And claiming women don't have their own absurd standards is stupid, she wants an attractive guy too, and a successful one and a rich one one who is always working then complaining that he is never around so again pot-kettle. third point you clearly didn't read the question, he set down his credit card and was completely prepared to pay for the date when she intervened and offered to pay her HALF of the bill. So clearly he can't be mooching if he is paying for himself and was fully willing to pay for her. Clearly he can't be claimed to be disinterested if she is the one who asked to pay for herself and he was willing to give her exactly what she wanted. This is yet another example of women acting like entitled children. She wants equality, until it happens and now he is the asshole.
The issue is women not acting like women, they want to act like women when its convient i. e. him paying for everything but when it comes time that being a woman calls for certain responsibilities (like respecting the man your with, cooking cleaning sex being nurturing allowing the man to take charge) suddenly they don't want to act like women. So the man acquiesce to her and then suddenly he is an asshole. That's the problem act like a woman or act like a man you can choose one not both. If your my equal I shall treat you like such if you are a lady I will treat you like such but both will have their up sides and down sides. That's the problem women don't want the responsibilities that come with being a woman nor the responsibilities that come with being a man, they just want all the benefits and none of the responsibilities. Again as made perfectly evident by this question and womens response to it.
The more traditional gender role type of man usually will pay for the date & won't accept the woman's money. I usually pay on the first date BUT if the girl offered I'd still tell her is she sure because I don't want her to get the wrong impression I did ask her out and more often than not the girl usually says something along the likes of "Last time I checked it's 2016 and not the 1950's", "I can pay for myself", or the best one I've heard is " "Do you always do as you're told?" That girl was hilariously funny on her comebacks. Regardless, though I usually pay for the first date.
So he says he'll pay the bill, then you offer to pay half, then he agrees since you were the one who offered and you're surprised that he agreed? If you want a guy to pay the bill why would you ask to split it? And now you don't even want to date him because of that? Girls are so damn cunfusing nowadays I swear.
Because even though we want equality in the work place, a lot of us are still very old school in terms of courtship. I personally don't see a problem with going dutch. It seems to be the more sensible option when you're just getting to know each other, but when it comes to dating (believe it or not), we actually want an old school courtship. Some of us were taught (as I was) that the man should pay on the first date, but out of courtesy, the woman should at least offer. If the man insists, then we think he's a nice, decent guy (just watch out for the chicks who take advantage). If he just lets the woman pay, we see it as a sign of complacency on his part, which is a huge turn off because to me it's an indicator of what he's going to be like in the relationship.
@navychick2006 a relationship is built as a team. in the long run you and your future husband will be working together as a team which includes paying dates, bills, with the kids, and pretty much everything. I think guys should pay for the 1st date but woman should also go in there at least to help out and not receive everything for free. if a woman offers to pay I would feel happy cause it shows how she would be later in a relationship and me personally I would pay the whole bill but I dnt see anything wrong with a woman paying ever especially in a 1st date.
@navychick2006 So you believe that women should get equality in the workplace and that things should be equal in all forms of life, but when something benefits women and doesn't benefit men, women want to stick with that. Ain't that some shit.
There's also a reason for that. Because every time either myself or one of my women friends to meet the guy halfway, he still ended up choosing the girl who treated him the way you just described. When asked why, he said she was more of a challenge. I'm not saying you're like this but a lot of men complain that they can't meet a girl who will be straight with them and then they do and still choose the chick who plays games. After a while I started to think that most guys like the women who play mind games.
Don''t offer if you don't want to follow through. I think splitting the bill is tacky I just offer to pay. If he lets me I do and don't think twice about it. Not that I've ever had that happen. Why are you hesitant? He was willing to pay you offered to split he took you up on it. Feminism is huge right now. he might of thought he would offend you if he didn't let you. I wouldn't feel weird you offer you have to expect that
At first I read this wrong as if the problem was he wasn't offering and was going to let you pay for it all and were wondering if making him split was a problem. And I was like dont be ridiculous he should pay for at least some of the meal. But when I re-read this my thoughts are what you are saying is absolutely ridiculous. The guy kindly offered to pay in the first place. You were the one who offered to split. If you didn't want this issue then why did you offer to split? You could have offered for each to pay their own way? If you offer to split there is a chance he will say yes. And a split on the first date is reasonable this isn't the 1950s anymore. Dont offer something you are not ok with. Now you're holding it against him? So what you were just asking so youd look better? Do you feel entitled to a free fully paid meal because of your gender? I swear. People really brush off rationality these days.
Well... If you have been on many dates and this one is different? Here's your sign stupid. He wasn't being weird or a douchebag. He was accepting what you offered. If anything, he's being courteous by not rejecting your offer. Basically, don't be stupid, and say things you don't really mean, because games are for children. He probably had actual long term relationship experience, and knows how to actually communicate with his partner. Don't offer anything you are not wanting to give; it's pretty simple. Some people are raised to believe it's an insult to refuse gifts from an admirer, or an esteemed individual.
You offered to split the bill but somehow he is at fault?
He put down his card and was prepared to pay. Apparently you didn't like that and offered to split. He shrugged his shoulders because he thought that's what you wanted to do. Do you think he is a mind reader? When you say you want to split he assumes you want to split. How is that his fault?
I don't think it's a problem he agreed to split the bill *after* you offered to do it that way. Why did you offer that if you knew you would be uncomfortable if he said yes? Isn't that kind of setting a trap for the guy? Whey you *offer* to split the bill, secretly hoping he says no, you put him in a bad position. If he says no to your offer he might think you are offended and if he says yes, then you are offended. He can't win. If you feel it is a guy's responsibility to pay for the date, there is nothing wrong with that. But be honest about it and don't offer. Just let him pay.
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Don't offer to split the bill if you don't want to split the bill. How hard is that? You can't offer to do something for him and then be surprised or judge his character when he accepts. If you don't want to, don't offer. You only have yourself to blame if it makes you uncomfortable. And instead of fighting with you over it, he decided to let you split the bill. Probably even appreciated you offering. I really don't see the problem here, except the fact that you apparently say things without really meaning them, and then judging someone else for believing you.
Is he new to the dating scene? Some guys who have little experience will often agree to a "split the bill" offer. Think about it, he probably lurked around a few forums to get insight on how things work. Plenty of women admit that they would be offended if they offered to split the bill and the man rejected.
He could have accepted just to make sure not to offend you.
I would say go on another date. This time, offer to split the bill in a more subtle, "I want you to pay, but I'm offering just to be nice" type of way. Something like, "If you would like, we could split the bill again."
At this point in time no civilised guy (that is, excluding trogs) wants to be labeled as sexist and that means respecting her right to share a lunch tab. To insist on paying is considered by many women as a remnant of the 1950's and highly insulting. You are not one of these, but you did offer to share the tab.
You put him in an extremely awkward position. Does he insist on paying and risk getting lable a male chauvinist pig, or share with you and risk being called a cheapskate or worse. Communication matters.
lmao who gets called sexist for offering to pay for someone's meal? never heard of that
I definitely believe in picking up the tab, especially if I proposed the date. Though you can't blame the dude here, you did offer to split the ticket. He likely was confused and didn't consider that his meal was more expensive. In our silly heads if a woman wants to split the ticket it normally means they aren't interested and wish to get out of this guilt free.
At least that is how my silly head works. People rarely will upfront tell you how they feel about a second date during the first, so we learn to look for tells. As in if a chick suddenly has to make a call in the middle of a meal and feigns an emergency then ducks out, it is likely there won't be a second date. I actually laughed when this happened to me for two reasons: 1) she wasn't my type and I felt like I was doing her a favor with the date 2) I have used a similar tactic and was amused at how poorly she pulled it off.
No worries on your part, next date don't offer to split. Just let it ride baby.
"In our silly heads if a woman wants to split the ticket it normally means they aren't interested and wish to get out of this guilt free."
May not always be the case, but that makes a lot of sense.
@mikemx55 absolutely, just one of the things that goes through my head.
I, Myself, who have "Tons" with Many a '1st date,' @Beach_lover88, Never have had to Pay that Day, it has Always been Him who Has... Put down his Card or even Cash.
Now that you have Started the Ball and All rolling, he May expect You to Go in Halves with Him on every Date thereafter.
It's niuce though that even though this Occurance has Not gotten your own Panties in a Twist, Perhaps I can Suggest that when the bill comes, excuse yourself and Tell him while he is Paying the Bill, you are going to Freshen up in the Ladies Room.
This will Be your own Helpful Hint, and also to See what kind of Guy has your Eye.
Good luck. xx
Thanks for the Update, and please feel free to comment on mine here. In the meantime, continue yo Choose someone, hun for MHO and this will Help to Close the lion's mouth. If it is too soon to close this, keep trying. xx
Like, you offered to pay. If you didn't mean it, why say it? He probably thought you were trying to be modern and that you'd be offended if he said no. And like, he probably just isn't a traditional guy who wants to force traditional stuff on you. I don't see anything wrong, other than your reaction. I think things are ok.
I got into some trouble with my recent question in the same topic.
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2105829-there-has-been-an-ongoing-debate-on-who-should-pay-for-a-first-date
And while I believe a guy should handle the first date, the majority suggested whoever asks, pays. I think after inviting you his acceptance to take your card for half implies he doesn't want conflict and isn't a really assertive or confident with his actions... or cheap.
"Whoever invites, pays" is usually said by women. And why wouldn't they?
The problem with "whoever invites, pays", is that women don't make the first move nearly as often as men. Men still end up asking out the woman 90% of the time, so they also end up paying 90% of the time. It's disingenuous to pretend like you're for equality, but still knowing that you won't have to abide by what you said anyway.
@Kirah What crawled up your panties? If a guy asks a girl out he's expressed interest in and WANTS to take a girl out on a date, why shouldn't he pay for that? I'm not telling you what to do IF a guy were to ever ask you out, why so angry about my choices? I sense you are either a feminazi or a cheap dude catfish troll.
Your argument that men do most of the asking has ZERO relevance here. If guys are more concerned about the dollars in their wallet, they don't have to invite a girl on a date. It's that simple. But if a guy does take that leap of equating a possible relationship being worth more than the price of a cheeseburger, once he invites her. he needs to pay. My guess is instead of being a female, you are a bitter male who can't get a girlfriend whether he asks and pays or not.
My comment is directed at @Kirah
@SarahsSummer dating is mutual. If you think you're doing him some sort of "favor", you need to seriously re-evaluate your attitude.
@MyExperience it is relevant, in the sense that many women will say "whoever invites pays, gosh I'm so pro-equality!". But it means very little if these women refuse to make the first move.
I love how you immediately accuse me of being a catfish. I get that all the time. But speaking out against my own privilege does not mean I must be a man.
@Kirah but do you hear yourself? What exactly is the issue in your mind? Men doing the asking and taking the responsibility, the proper etiquette of paying for their guest? Or are you angry with women not asking enough? If it's the former, you think someone other than the asker pays, or is it the latter, where women pay when they ask? You can't have it neither way. You actually have to choose one if you choose to be in this argument.
So which is it? Women ask and pay, women ask and make the guy pay, men ask and pay or men ask but require women to pay?
Do you see now how ridiculous your argument is of men paying ONLY because they do the majority of asking?
Is it just that you like to argue when genders are involved? If your civic duty is to protect women, let them pay and be "equal" or is your civic duty to just reject all possibilities? You've missed the purpose of all of this. finding romance, finding love and finding a connection. Splitting the bill Is not a connection.
It's two people sitting at the same table and eating. Might as well put all dates at a caffateria, where all sorts of possibilities emerge from 4, 8, 20, 100 people all buying their own meals and sitting together at one big table. How romantic. Smh.
I think it's a good sign, it shows he respects you and your boundaries. I'm a bit different, I hate it when guys I've just met insist on paying for my share. I'm an independent woman that works and can her own damn way. It's like they're trying to buy your affections.
Need more women thinking like you. We are equal. Its a first date. Doesn't really matter. You both arnt even sure it so work. I so why does anyone have to pay for dates that don't work in the end?
@Paul09 Exactly and then if you do end up in a relationship or become friends, then take turns shouting each other for stuff. I really don't understand the mindset that some people have of where they expect the guy to foot the bill for everything. It's like GTFO, grow up and pay your share.
There are multiple trains of thought from his perspective
1st and most likely: he thought you offering to pay was a sign that you did not like him. Girls sometimes do do this when they aren't interested in the guy. But he asked you out again, so safe bet he's still into you.
2nd: He felt you offering to pay was a reasonable and nice thing to do. After all, you did eat your meal, and he did not. Why in the actual fuck should he pay?
Look, this is a stupid and outdated gender tradition. Yes, typically I will pay and will usually insist even if a girl offers to pay her own, but I still think it's incredibly fucking stupid. I will not have sex with you on the first date or probably even the third, so that idea is out the window. Why else should I pay for your meal? Especially if we both liked each other and wanted to get to know each other better? It's the modern era. You have a reasonable expectation to make just as much as I do, so pay for your own damn meal.
Please don't trap guys you go on a date with, guys don't like when girls play games like that. He probably took that as you being independent and low maintenance which is incredibly hot. Please give this guy a shot, if you draw conclusions on a guy that soon you may miss out on a great guy. The best guys you'll meet in life are those that aren't super easy to read, so don't assume the worst if you don't really know him yet.
Sorry if this sounds hostile. I'm just shedding some light on a positive possibility.
"I know I'm probably going to get some criticism for this question" Why would you?
"It's not that I'm "using" him" It's pretty obvious that you aren't, don't worry. ;)
"am I being too traditional?" Tradition expects the man to pay. So you're not being traditional, let alone too traditional. And who are we to judge you anyway? Haha.
"Or would other girls feel slightly weird about this? " Why would they?
"Also he was the one who asked me out " One more reason for him to pay. But it's your call if you want to cut his costs.
So you offer to split it and now you don't want to go out with him? that's FK'd up. I guess you offered because you really weren't feeling it.
As a guy if she wasn't interested... I'd appreciate us splitting it as it would feel like a "dinner with friends" and not like a date. I think it's F'd Up when girls Expect the guy to pay when they actually don't like him. It's not the 1950's... Girls wanted equal... I mean "Special treatment". So can uses some of that "Equal pay".
You can't "have your cake and eat it too." Whoever asked the other out and/or picked the location should pay. If you don't want a second date then split the bill and go your separate ways. With online dating, girls have made serial dating for drinks & dinner an art form. Waste of money for the guy that doesn't catch on.
"How do i close this question, I'm being called an idiot by hundreds of people and this needs to stop"
If you didn't update it and people stop replying it would close within 24hrs of no replies.
I think if you go to your profile page there is a my questions tab that you could delete the question.
I would not go out on a second date. Regardless of this whole 50/50 BS these boys tell themselves because they have long forgotten how to be men, accepting a girl to pay says everything you need to know about this kid. Think about it. These kids now have it easy to sleep around. They have it easy to switch partners like diapers because of how easy online dating has made it. They have it easy with women's movement to compete in the industry so that they can aspire to half instead of maning up to their roles as providers. When he accepts that you pay, you accept someone who has nothing to offer you. Nothing, unless you are so wealthy and independent that all you need is a walking dildo with a heartbeat and hair. The fact that you earn your way means that on top of being a nurturing woman who can hold the fort at home, you can also supplement a relationship with a man that offers you the role of a man.
So a "Real Man" treats a women like a prostitute and pays for her time or like she is a child and handles the adult stuff for her while she plays her mind games.
What a "Real Man" wants is an adult women who can handle her shit and knows what matters in life, not a little girl whore who has daddy issues.
That's stupid. First and foremost because she offered and in our day and age if a man doesn't do what a woman wants he is an asshole and a piece of shit because "reasons" as for forgotten how to be men, women stopped being women long before that point so really that's just the pot calling the kettle black. You want men to act like men then stop bitching and moaning when they do, you want to be treated like a lady then act like one its really simple. Its not men that are the problem its women who want to be treated like men and to be treated like women but are unwilling to explain at what times they want what and are unwilling to give anything back in return giving men very little reason to treat women like anything (well other then treating them like their bat shit crazy). I find it hilarious how women talk about how great they are and offer nothing in return. She offered to pay he accepted so now he is the asshole? That's idioticly stupid. This is why men just go for quick hookups.
@Jager66 *Men* are providers. Look up the definition within your family. Your daddy either wasn't around to raise you or failed.. just like you clearly are.
I wouldn't want a guy to pay for my meal (some guys think if they pay for your meal, they have the right to your buried treasure) & I definitely WILL NOT pay for his, so 50/50 is the best way to keep safe in my opinion
@hellionthesage Women have not forgotten how to be women. At the first sign of a woman attempting to cook you dinner or iron your shirt, boys run under the claim that the girl was acting like his mother. Second, guys always go for looks and what a surprise that hot and beautiful women can't do much because their entire life they have been handed an easy life. Meanwhile, all these other women that have all the qualities of a woman are placed on the side.
Third, and my point... This guy agreed to let this girl pay for two reasons, 1) He's a moocher or 2) despite him agreeing to a second date, he really didn't feel the spark and was okay being a dick by letting her pay because he's a moocher.
So this whole argument about the chicks you and bozo on the second comment about chicks being worthless, here is an example of a good woman being passed on.
@Beautiful68111 Not a guy I ever dated felt entitle to me because they paid. I have never been disrespected at all so maybe I have different standards and outlook on this deal.
Ok so we know a few things about you.
1. You probably have daddy issues.
2. You have no respect for men, especially the ones you date.
3. You're a chauvinist pig.
4. You probably lie to your self, as in you are a prostitute but just call it "wanting a real man"
Nope. That's wrong as the rest of your statement was. Never heard a single man complain when a woman cooked for him, not once in the entirety of my life in fact most guys complain that they have to buy the girl dinner drive her around and then also have to cook for them. So no women are not women anymore they don't act feminine they don't act nurturing they act self obsessed they exploite and only think of themselves, in general obviously their are exceptions but unfortunately it seems like their isn't many. See whats happened is women want everything, men where respected and women where loved and cared for but women decided they wanted that respect too so now men get no respect and women get respect love and cared for. Men try to keep women happy but women keep changing the parameters as this question points out, she offered to pay and women scream about how sexist it is for a man to pay, so he accepted her request to split the bill and is now an asshole for it. He couldn't win.
as for your second point, no most guys like looks but that's not all they are after. And claiming women don't have their own absurd standards is stupid, she wants an attractive guy too, and a successful one and a rich one one who is always working then complaining that he is never around so again pot-kettle. third point you clearly didn't read the question, he set down his credit card and was completely prepared to pay for the date when she intervened and offered to pay her HALF of the bill. So clearly he can't be mooching if he is paying for himself and was fully willing to pay for her. Clearly he can't be claimed to be disinterested if she is the one who asked to pay for herself and he was willing to give her exactly what she wanted. This is yet another example of women acting like entitled children. She wants equality, until it happens and now he is the asshole.
The issue is women not acting like women, they want to act like women when its convient i. e. him paying for everything but when it comes time that being a woman calls for certain responsibilities (like respecting the man your with, cooking cleaning sex being nurturing allowing the man to take charge) suddenly they don't want to act like women. So the man acquiesce to her and then suddenly he is an asshole. That's the problem act like a woman or act like a man you can choose one not both. If your my equal I shall treat you like such if you are a lady I will treat you like such but both will have their up sides and down sides. That's the problem women don't want the responsibilities that come with being a woman nor the responsibilities that come with being a man, they just want all the benefits and none of the responsibilities. Again as made perfectly evident by this question and womens response to it.
The more traditional gender role type of man usually will pay for the date & won't accept the woman's money. I usually pay on the first date BUT if the girl offered I'd still tell her is she sure because I don't want her to get the wrong impression I did ask her out and more often than not the girl usually says something along the likes of "Last time I checked it's 2016 and not the 1950's", "I can pay for myself", or the best one I've heard is " "Do you always do as you're told?" That girl was hilariously funny on her comebacks. Regardless, though I usually pay for the first date.
So he says he'll pay the bill, then you offer to pay half, then he agrees since you were the one who offered and you're surprised that he agreed? If you want a guy to pay the bill why would you ask to split it? And now you don't even want to date him because of that? Girls are so damn cunfusing nowadays I swear.
Because even though we want equality in the work place, a lot of us are still very old school in terms of courtship. I personally don't see a problem with going dutch. It seems to be the more sensible option when you're just getting to know each other, but when it comes to dating (believe it or not), we actually want an old school courtship. Some of us were taught (as I was) that the man should pay on the first date, but out of courtesy, the woman should at least offer. If the man insists, then we think he's a nice, decent guy (just watch out for the chicks who take advantage). If he just lets the woman pay, we see it as a sign of complacency on his part, which is a huge turn off because to me it's an indicator of what he's going to be like in the relationship.
@navychick2006 a relationship is built as a team. in the long run you and your future husband will be working together as a team which includes paying dates, bills, with the kids, and pretty much everything. I think guys should pay for the 1st date but woman should also go in there at least to help out and not receive everything for free. if a woman offers to pay I would feel happy cause it shows how she would be later in a relationship and me personally I would pay the whole bill but I dnt see anything wrong with a woman paying ever especially in a 1st date.
@navychick2006 So you believe that women should get equality in the workplace and that things should be equal in all forms of life, but when something benefits women and doesn't benefit men, women want to stick with that. Ain't that some shit.
There's also a reason for that. Because every time either myself or one of my women friends to meet the guy halfway, he still ended up choosing the girl who treated him the way you just described. When asked why, he said she was more of a challenge. I'm not saying you're like this but a lot of men complain that they can't meet a girl who will be straight with them and then they do and still choose the chick who plays games. After a while I started to think that most guys like the women who play mind games.
Don''t offer if you don't want to follow through.
I think splitting the bill is tacky I just offer to pay. If he lets me I do and don't think twice about it. Not that I've ever had that happen.
Why are you hesitant? He was willing to pay you offered to split he took you up on it. Feminism is huge right now. he might of thought he would offend you if he didn't let you.
I wouldn't feel weird you offer you have to expect that
At first I read this wrong as if the problem was he wasn't offering and was going to let you pay for it all and were wondering if making him split was a problem. And I was like dont be ridiculous he should pay for at least some of the meal. But when I re-read this my thoughts are what you are saying is absolutely ridiculous. The guy kindly offered to pay in the first place. You were the one who offered to split. If you didn't want this issue then why did you offer to split? You could have offered for each to pay their own way? If you offer to split there is a chance he will say yes. And a split on the first date is reasonable this isn't the 1950s anymore. Dont offer something you are not ok with. Now you're holding it against him? So what you were just asking so youd look better? Do you feel entitled to a free fully paid meal because of your gender? I swear. People really brush off rationality these days.
Well... If you have been on many dates and this one is different? Here's your sign stupid. He wasn't being weird or a douchebag. He was accepting what you offered. If anything, he's being courteous by not rejecting your offer. Basically, don't be stupid, and say things you don't really mean, because games are for children. He probably had actual long term relationship experience, and knows how to actually communicate with his partner. Don't offer anything you are not wanting to give; it's pretty simple. Some people are raised to believe it's an insult to refuse gifts from an admirer, or an esteemed individual.
You offered to split the bill but somehow he is at fault?
He put down his card and was prepared to pay. Apparently you didn't like that and offered to split. He shrugged his shoulders because he thought that's what you wanted to do. Do you think he is a mind reader? When you say you want to split he assumes you want to split. How is that his fault?
I don't think it's a problem he agreed to split the bill *after* you offered to do it that way. Why did you offer that if you knew you would be uncomfortable if he said yes? Isn't that kind of setting a trap for the guy? Whey you *offer* to split the bill, secretly hoping he says no, you put him in a bad position. If he says no to your offer he might think you are offended and if he says yes, then you are offended. He can't win. If you feel it is a guy's responsibility to pay for the date, there is nothing wrong with that. But be honest about it and don't offer. Just let him pay.
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