Why would a guy play mind games?

Like asking you over then blowing you off then calling a day later and acting like nothing happened, not revealing their true feelings about you, acting all understanding when you call them out on their shit and then still wanting to talk to you, and then chase you when you are willing to walk away from them, and then making comments like "You know you like it" when you stand up for yourself. What does this stem from and what would man try to gain from it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In general, from my perspective, males don’t like the unknown. It puts them off their ‘game’ and requires them to start all over again with someone new. This might be okay for some, but mostly, in my experience a guy likes to keep the one he’s with so he doesn’t have to go out and find someone else to date, or whatever the case may be. Therefore, you have some like the guy in your example who plays mind games with you, because he’s got low self-esteem perhaps and doesn’t feel he would be able to find anyone else, so as long as he’s got you frustrated and confused and hopping from one ‘foot’ to the other trying to figure out his motives, interest, and/or intentions, you’re not leaving him or dating someone else. He’s always going to have you on the ‘hook’ as some might say. It is unfair to you, dishonest, and I personally don’t believe acceptable behavior. You should be bold and assertive and let him know what he’s doing is making you feel and he needs to either man-up and declare his intentions and stop playing games, or you’re leaving. There is nothing wrong with you putting your own ‘foot’ down and just be straightforward with him. That’s my bottom line.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like a guy I used to talk to. We don't talk anymore because I didn't put up with that type of bullshit in the end.
    I know what it's like. You're hoping he'll see your side of things at some point, you're hoping that when he seems understanding that he really means it. That he's just going to stop. Well, he won't. He'll keep doing this for as long as you talk to him, because he can.
    In my case, the guy who did this to me was depressed. He was turbulent and insecure. He just wanted someone to toy with, probably just to blow off some steam, to focus on something other than his own depression and feelings of self-hatred. Seeing me be there for him, even when he acted like a jackass, was an ego boost to him. I just wanted to help him, and he used that against me. Any time I tried to stand up for myself, he either acted apologetic and sincere, or he'd blame it on me and say I was overreacting. He knew exactly when to be a sweetheart and when to be a jackass, because it made me hope that he'd stop being an ass.
    I ended our friendship after a really long year of just fighting and feeling terrible. I wish I had done it sooner. So don't get sucked into it like I did, just leave and don't look back.

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What Guys Said 29

  • In my opinion I think it's one of two things..
    1. He doesn't know exactly what he wants and is scared of commitment. And doesn't want you to walk away
    2. He just wants your attention and to keep you around doesn't want to physically be with you so blows you off keeps saying things you want to hear and also doesn't want anyone else to have you

    Truthfully I would just make it clear ask him he don't know till you do. I have a saying I go by "if you don't ask you don't know"
    Just make it clear to him and for yourself that if you want something he needs come up with the goods , if not he ha to be fair on you and himself and let you find someone who will
    Show you and give you what you desire
    About best I can do hope helps in some form of way

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  • Manipulative assholes play mind games.

    So... this guy's a manipulative asshole. Avoid, unless you're into that sort of thing.

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  • does sound like games, sounds like manipulation and control. probably has a very negative view of women. cocky... proud... unforgiving... not empathetic, narcissistic?

    Gain: he's probably doing what he's done before that worked or what he saw as a kid. It would work with some females who are weak. Gain... gets what he wants, whatever that is.

    Talk to a counselor or psychologist. I'd get away... and observe from a distance.

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  • Never tolerate someone standing you up or blowing you off. If they do, they better apologize profusely and ask to make it up to you. If they don't, just cut them out of your life.

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  • Well your upset but I feel to examine the issue might give you more answers that what you think it will. So let's start from the beginning where did you meet this guy?

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  • Real men don't do this.

    He probably read too many online articles on how to get women in bed.

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  • I have no idea what anyone gets out of this kind of behaviour but I don't think men have the monopoly on it. Insecurity? Lack of empathy? Narcissism? Other psychopathology?

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  • I don't know. I don't know where it stems from or what they would gain, but they sure have some growing up to do. Those guys are psycho.

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  • It is actually the girl who overthinks everything.

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  • Sounds like he's trying to break through the bullshit of dating and get to the meat of who you are...

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  • I myself could never understand why people play mind games, i find them pointless and just plain old dumb. Im not sure why people feel the need to do so instead of being straight forward and honest.

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  • Sounds like a guy that's got more than one girl on the go and is treating you as a fall back. Whenever something doesn't go his way with a girl he turns to you for that connection and then gets cold when he finds another. He sounds egotistical and I would avoid him like the plague.

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  • Why would a guy play mind games?

    Why wouldn't he?

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  • The answer to your question can be found in the answer to this question. Why do you care?

    Once you realise this then you will know why guys do it. I hope I was clear, if not then feel free never to message me.

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  • Maybe they lack maturity is the reason or they are just weird controlled types I don't know really that's all I can think of

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  • still a boy

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  • Because they have a mind of their own.

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  • Because they're tired of the woman playing mind games bullshit?

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  • I want a pussy

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  • I would give you an answer, but it's very mystical/esoteric.

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  • Women are the masters of mind games... go ask one of them!!!

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  • Yeah them are red flags that will tell you whether you want proceed talking to him

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  • sounds like you're being played

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  • same reason a woman would

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  • Don't you have something to vacuum?

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  • I'm not convinced he's playing games. I think if we had the proper context for these things you might find that what he's doing is totally understandable if you consider his perspective.

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  • They're either hot and cold, not sure what they want, or think that the best way for people to win their affection is jump through hoops and make it so they want them more than the person wants them. It's fucked up and I have no patience for it.

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  • Women play mind games much more.
    Women should ask themselves LMAO.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Sigh, I can understand your view point of the situation, however though. It would be wise to just not over think things and leave this guy alone. Most of the time this guy is just wanting to get into your pants and use you however way he can. But he can't do anything if you don't let him. The problem is, your giving this guy way more attention than you needed to. Not that it warrants anything. But his behavior is very off putting. If he feels the need to tell those things, its because he's noticing how your reacting to what he does. Stop giving him the attention he craves and learn to not put yourself in that situation.

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  • Ugh if someone does that, leave them right away! Don't waste your time. This person is trying to make you feel inferior to them. It's a control tactic and it's not something you need to deal with. He's trying to gain control over you. Don't let him.

    It's only supposed to diminish your confidence and make you feel as though he is the only and best thing you could ever get. Don't play into that. Leave him now and don't play his game!

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  • He does it because there's no boundaries. I just cut people off who play mind games. A guy can only treat you that way if you tolerate his behaviour.

    We all set our own standards for how people treat us. What you allow... will continue

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  • Stems from being a time wasting asshole who just wants his ego stroked.

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  • So call him out on it and be strict. Make him choose A or B. Most guys I encounter are also always like this. Never having the guts to say the truth. But just string you along

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  • Because he's a loser.

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  • If a guy wanted you, he wouldn't be doing any of these things. He wouldn't really make you doubt anything. The way your describing this guy, he sounds immature, and hot and cold, basically :like a little boy.

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  • This is what's known as a boy and not a man. Simple as that.

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  • Trying to control you. Just leave him in the dust.

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  • It stems from being egotistical and controlling.
    Leave this guy alone he is a jerk,

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  • What particular mind games?

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