Dating a guy you're not physically attracted to?

I met this guy I recently went out with for a date, and he seems to be a really good person, caring, a gentleman.. but I didn't feel attracted to him at all, I don't know if I should continue seeing him or not, 'cause he made it clear that he still wants to see me again and in a lot of different occasions too.
I don't know if anything can change if I decide to continue seeing him..

Updates:
2mo okay so he IS attractive, at least he used to be.. I'm not saying he's so ugly or whatever, he's really handsome, he just gained some weight lately he used to have an average body

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Unlike men, women seem to have the capacity to develop an attraction based on non-physical factors as they become more familiar with a guy. If all of the other pieces of the puzzle are in place, why not invest a little time to see what, if anything, might develop?

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    • 2mo

      So express to him, early on, that you are really attracted to guy who are close to their ideal weight and ask him how he feels about working on his weight together.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I used to do this. I thought it was nice of me to try dating them even though I didn't find them attractive. I told myself I might change my mind once I got to know them but I think deep down you know when this just isn't true.

    I say if he is an average looking guy and you really thing that his personality could make u fancy him then sure, see him again. But if you find him unattractive or dont think u could start to like the way he looks a bit more then no amount of personality is going to change your mind. Don't waste his time, it doesn't make you nice to keep dating him if ultimately you are gonna dump his ass and he's gonna have to wonder 'what did I do wrong?'

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    • 2mo

      it's not like he's ugly, he actually is handsome but not my type, i thought maybe his personnality will make me change my mind

    • 2mo

      Yeah well in that case there's no harm in dating him a little longer to see if his personality can win you over. Maybe you'll just 'click'. But don't drag it out too long. Try and figure it out as soon as possible. Because the chances are if he's just not your type then even a winning personality won't change your mind.

What Guys Said 14

  • That is friendship you are describing - I would bring it up and see what he thinks about just being friends

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  • He's asking you whether or not it's safe to let himself fall in love with you. Do you want to break his heart now, or later? The closer you let him get, the more you let him believe he has a chance, the more it will hurt him when he discovers it was all a lie and he never had a chance and you were just stringing him along. Rip it off like a band-aid. Get it over with.

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    • 2mo

      how? what to say? I dont wanna be brutally honest too..

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    • 2mo

      what's the impression she's gonna leave in your mind if she said so?

    • 2mo

      She's not gonna leave any impression in my mind after I get over her, and I can't even start to get over her until she stops stringing me along, now can I? Sounds like you already strung this guy along a bit, try not to do that, men don't appreciate being given false hope and comforting lies that are mostly just to protect your ego, not ours. One true insult is worth more to me than a thousand years of false flattery. That's how men feel. Not 100% of men, but it's quite, quite close to 100%. Men who like being lied to and tricked are exceedingly rare. I've never met one, or heard anyone who has.

  • Honestly no. Buf you should also be honest about it. I know it is hard because you don't wanna hurt his feelings, but he will get it at some point.
    Even if he's just overweight, if you don't feel attracted to him you are just not attracted to him.

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    • 2mo

      he told me he's joining the gym next week , he brought up the subject, on the first date, does that mean he really is willing to exercice? he said that he used to exercice regularly.
      I can find some average guys not attractive while other with more weight on way more handsome, it just goes all together, with him I feel that it doesn't suit him this way

    • 2mo

      Well, you see, the point is if they are attractive from your Point of View.

  • Nah man. That never works out.

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  • Tell him straight up. Why waste his time? Just say you wanna be friends with him.

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  • I find women like this to be parasites

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    • 2mo

      As for your update, if he's NO LONGER attractive to you as he was, then tell him

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    • 2mo

      Who cares? You're dating him.

      If his ego is too big for you to tell him how to improve, then just leave

    • 2mo

      you make a good point, thanks :)

  • If you're not attracted to him, you can tell him you aren't interested and you can be friend with him instead.

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  • If you're not attracted to him, don't waste his time -- or yours. Just move on.

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  • Physical attraction is not everything. You may start to like him once you get to know him more, but for now if you feel you're not attracted go him AT ALL, then don't waste your and his time.

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    • 2mo

      I knew him before he gained the weight, and he was really attractive, it just didn't suit him this way, he told me that he's joining the gym next week, i didn't even bring up the subject but maybe he really is willing to do this chnge in his life, so why not give him a chance and actually stand by him during the whole thing, and be a source of support?

    • 2mo

      Well there you are. You've figured it out yourself, no need of anyone's opinion. If you feel so, just go with it. @Asker

  • Before I say anything, is he trying to loose the weight?

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    • 2mo

      yeah he mentionned that on the first date

    • 2mo

      So then would you date him now as he is? Or would you wait until he lost the weight. If it's the latter, they you have no right (IMO) to date him.

      Heck, I've gained a few (ok 15) lbs. and currently doing whatever I can to loose it.

  • How long have you been seeing him?

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  • leave

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  • Do not recommend. You should be attracted to 'em.

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  • Leave Jim, he deserves someone better please.

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    • 2mo

      Leave him*

    • 2mo

      i would leave jim but I don't know him xD xD and by the way we went out on one date so u can relax

    • 2mo

      Okay I am relaxing till then
      But iu please leave him :/

What Girls Said 7

  • Don't waste yours or his time. I my experience this never works out, and the longer you wait, the harder it will be on the both of you. Sexual attraction is important for a relationship to progress, and the likelihood of you developing that attraction in the future is very unlikely. Saying that he used to be attractive when he was at a lesser weight but is not now just because he has put on a few pounds tells me something else is missing between you two and is a red flag.

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    • 2mo

      i said some weight not a few pounds, in the way that it is remarquable.
      I only went out with him on one date, but I knew how he was (physically) before

    • 2mo

      In that case, go out with him a few more times and see how it goes. See if he has plans or is working on losing the weight. If he doesn't than just be honest with him, about how you feel. Don't worry about coming across as a bitch, honesty is usually respected way more than leading someone on out of a desire to be nice. I still stick by what I said about developing an attraction in the future though (personal experience). Good luck.

  • Don't waste his time. He wouldn't date you if he didn't find you attractive so why date him? He might be a good guy but if you're not happy with him spare him the feeling now before you end up meeting a guy you're actually excited about and then hurting him later.

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  • Tried this before and it didn't work. Just be honest with him. Tell him you just want to remain friends.

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    • 2mo

      the thing is, i found him attractive when i knew him before but when he got the weight on it just didn't suit him

    • 2mo

      So what you thinking? You gonna give him an ultimatum, lose weight or lose me? Lol. If you hit the gym now and again, ask him if he wants to join you. He'll be slim and trim in no time again.

  • I got involved with a guy I wasn't attracted to at first. And although attraction developed it just wasn't the same, it wasn't as fulfilling I guess. It's a million times better to be involved with someone you can't keep your eyes off of than someone you just feel eh about. I advise against it if there's no attraction or very little. But if there's a decent amount maybe see if it grows more.

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  • If you have no physical attraction to him don't you think that will cause a few issues down the road... Save this guy the heart ache and don't continue to lead him on. But thats just me

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  • I wouldn't!

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  • Don't do it. I tried. You'll end up hurting him and yourself.

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