Is it unreasonable for my girlfriend to refuse to allow me to hang out with other girls?

I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months and she is really great. She makes me food all the time, she is really hot, and she is so nice to me. However one thing she does that I just dont understand is get all uptight when I am around other women.

Normally she is pretty laid back with what I do (she is fine with me playing video games all night, or hanging out with my guy friends on weekends), but when I tell her that I was hanging out with some other girls she gets really flustered and somewhat angry. Of course I dont go out one on one with other girls, but I'll go out with 2 or 3 guy friends and they'll invite some girls to go along and I'll be with them. She usually finds out and always questions me about them (kind of like my mom used to when I went on dates in high school).

Or once I was the only guy hanging out with 3 of my girl friends (from college, before I met my girlfriend). After that I got home and saw my girlfriends eyes I knew I made a mistake, but my girlfriend was really upset with me. She was half angry half flustered that I did that, and while I regret my decision I didn't do anything bad. We just went out and got some food and had a couple drinks and then I went home.

Those girls are just old friends from college, its not that I like them more than my girlfriend, my girlfriend is really awesome, but my girlfriend just doesn't like it with I hang out with them. If she is there hanging out with us it is fine and she won't get angry with me, but she works late so a lot of times I can't invite her to our social events. If I am with my guy friends though its all cool, she doesn't care, its just with girls. Is this an unreasonable thing for her to do? What do you think?

  • Yes that is a ridiculous thing to do
    38% (39)59% (41)47% (80)Vote
  • Yes it is unreasonable, but she is justified in doing it
    27% (28)26% (18)27% (46)Vote
  • No, she can do that
    22% (22)11% (8)17% (30)Vote
  • Other/No Opinion
    13% (13)4% (3)9% (16)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If she hasn't yet met them, then a LITTLE uneasiness is perfectly understandable -- especially if you're hot, and/or if there's anything else clearly desirable about you.

    But... You said she's already met them.

    Which means one of 2 things.

    1)
    She's testing you.
    She wants you to put yr damn foot down, and *assert* yourself. She WANTS to know that you aren't going to just pussyfoot around her, and kowtow to her every little demand.
    So -- consciously or not -- she's making unreasonable demands. And she WANTS you to identify them as just that -- unreasonable demands -- and dismiss them accordingly.

    She wants you to make her DEMANDS seem ridiculous... without making HER seem ridiculous.
    Big difference.

    You should react to this in much the same way you'd react to a 4-year-old having a tantrum in a grocery store. Be firm, and loving, but dismissive.

    2)
    If you've ALREADY passed a decent number of such "tests" in the past, and she's STILL acting like this...
    ... then you've got yourself a serious drama queen.

    If you are good at handling this kind of drama, then... go for it. There are advantages -- most notably, it shouldn't be hard for you to convert that sort of drama into setting the stage for mind-blowing sex.
    But... if she keeps this shit up after a few times where you PASS the tests (as I wrote above -- like the parent of a small child throwing a tantrum), then... just know that she's probably gna be like that for LIFE.

    If you FAIL these tests -- by pussyfooting around and apologizing for just having friends (DON'T do that... dear god yr poor friends!) -- then, LOTS of women will keep amping up the drama. Even women who aren't normally drama queens...
    ... BECAUSE THEY WANT TO SEE YOU ASSERT YOURSELF.

    So... Pass the test.
    <3

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    • 2mo

      What's there to love about someone who "tests" you by making ridiculous demands?

    • 2mo

      @frozenhorizon I don't think the testing is entirely conscious. Really, I don't.

      Hopefully you can at least empathize with the need for our partners to PROVE themselves to us -- and, hopefully, you would put yr own woman through at least a few "tests" of yr own, too... Of whatever kind.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, it is controlling, paranoid behaviour. She doesn't trust you.

    You are allowed to have female friends, whether they are new or from before you met her. You're allowed to hang out with them and talk to them. This is your girlfriend's issue, you have done nothing wrong.

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What Girls Said 13

  • If you Want to Continue to have things Going and Flowing with her, then you Both are Going to have to Sit down and do Some talking about What the Other... Expects in this Relationship.
    You are using the Word "Dating," so am I Safe to Assume you are not quite Official just yet? Could make a Difference here, dear.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Yeah, I think that it's ridiculous.

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  • she is jealous. if she truly trusts you she wouldn't become so angry. it's different when a guy hangs out with one girl... but more than one girl there is nothing wrong with that. she sounds a little controlling. how would she feel if you told her that she couldn't hang out with a few guy friends? She's just jealous, and love isn't supposed to be envious

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  • She needs to cool it, if you have proven to be loyal for the past 6 months she needs to put more trust in you because otherwise you guys won't work out. Have a chat with her, she seems like a great girl but yikes this should not be happening. If she does agree to let go of the reins a little, be sure not to abuse your new found freedom

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  • She's your girlfriend, why would she not question it? She has every right to question. Also, if you're going out with your guy friends, and they're inviting other women, why aren't you also inviting your girlfriend as well? I mean it's only fair... maybe she wouldn't question so much if she met these other women and realized there's nothing to worry about. I don't know, just my opinion.

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  • She's being over the top but given how many people cheat these days I understand her being concerned. However she should express it differently

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  • It's unreasonable to say you can't hang out with girls, but honestly, you shouldn't be hanging out with girls one on one anyway while in a relationship. Doesn't mean you can't have female friends, but you guys should be in a group that has males and females.

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  • Yeah, you hanging out with three other women with no other guys? Of course she's not gonna like that. That's crossing the line

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  • I'm personally a jealous person myself but never when he is with a group of girls only when he is with a girl one on one I think it is healthy for women to have make friends and man to have women friends as long as that is all it is a friendship. My husband has plenty of friends that are girls and I like all but one of them. You have to find equality but I would sit her down and find out why it bothers her so much or maybe next time invite her to go with you

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  • Yes, it is unreasonable; She's being unreasonable.

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  • She might have had some bad experiences in the past that make her wary about this kind of thing. It's over the top but I can't say I don't do this myself. I think you should listen to her concerns about it and avoid giving her a 'but I wouldn't ever do that!' reply because even people who do actually cheat would say that. Agree to something, like hanging out with them whilst she is there. Gain some trust.

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  • She can do that. Why do you need other women when you have her serioulsy?

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  • I think she might just be afraid to lose you... she's not controlling. If she was she probably wouldn't even let you hang out with guy friends. Maybe you should sit down with her and talk about it.

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What Guys Said 12

  • it's fair for her to have some insecurity. generally history has dictated that men and women are not or cannot be platonic friends. but in the modern world there is no reason why men and women shouldn't be platonic friends and partners should actually appreciate that their partner can see the opposite sex as more than just a potential romantic partner

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  • For me this an insane deal-breaker. Mind you my job involves me working with models all the time so I pretty much have to. I can't deal with a jealous person what-so-ever.

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  • she's controlling your life man. put a stop to it before it escalates. does she have reasons to doubt your loyalty? im betting not so this behavior cannot be accepted.

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  • I have a strict equality policy with my girlfriend

    If she doesn't want me to have female friends, fine, but if and only if she cuts off all her male friends.

    Otherwise, fuck that.

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  • It's obvious that she us afraid that your will cheat on her but she is insecure. She has no right to stop you from going out with your female friends

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  • I didn't read the whole thing, but it's totally unreasonable for her to not allow you to spend time with women.

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  • Yeah that's unreasonable.
    It's reasonable for her to be concerned but that's it.

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  • Trust me all girls are like that I have the same problem my girlfriend gets mad when I'll hangout with other girls even though she might hangout with a guy friend.

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  • I would break up with her immediately, that's so bad.

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  • she's perfectly in her right to have her feelings about the matter of men and women hanging out as "just friends". what she's not allowed to do, is tell you what you can and can't do. thats controlling. there's a difference between having an opinion, and then doing something about that opinion

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  • She's doing too far.

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  • She's too jealous. If she can't change that you need to dump her

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