Kissing on first date good or bad idea?

I went out with this guy, we had a good time together, he tried to kiss me several times but I did not know him well so I avoided the kisses.
In the end when he left he had an angry face expression, and did not reply to my text in which I apologized for the whole situation explaining that I like to take things slow.
Did I offend him somehow?
Should I have kissed him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You followed your own instincts in this incident; therefore, what you did was not necessarily wrong, despite how the guy might have felt about you avoiding him every time he attempted to kiss you. I personally don’t feel kissing on the first date is wrong, so long as both individuals are ready to take it to that part of their relationship. You didn’t feel that strongly or confident in the guy yet and didn’t want to be kissing on the first day. That’s your choice, again, nothing wrong with that choice, and if the guy takes issue with it, then that’s his choice as well.

    I firmly believe life is too short to do anything less than follow our heart, trust in our instincts, and make those choices which are going to make us the happiest and to do anything less is pure folly. Be who you want to be, act as you feel is the best course of action, and if something takes exception to that, then that’s on them and not your fault. If they care about you then they’ll respect your choices, even if it is to take things slower than they’d prefer, and if they don’t then they are not deserving of you or your affections. That’s my bottom line.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Bad bad idea. It actually sends the guy a subconscious message that you kiss easily. Therefore making him think you'd kiss any guy, therefore making him not truly trust you. The first kiss in a relationship shouldn't come if you don't truly know the person yet. Don't just let your guard down that fast. Be wise. It's never a good idea to kiss on a first date. That's what society encourages, yet, society is full of b. s. What really matters is you, and you need to really know the guy you're dating before you just kiss him or he kiss you. Even if you do know each other, you'd need to know him better in a relationship way. It just shows better self respect and shows him that he needs to earn your love and you need to really earn his. Let the fire grow, then the kiss will come. Besides, it's more romantic that way anyway. Just don't kiss the person in the heat of the moment straight away. :) Believe me, I'm married and I have 9 sisters all over 17 years old and I've witnessed first hand the regret of first-date-kisses. If you give a guy a kiss too fast, he'll want more and he'll think that he can just kiss you whenever he wants, even if he doesn't love you. That's not good. Let the kiss emerge from the relationship ;)

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What Guys Said 15

  • "I apologized " And yet you had nothing to apologize for.
    "Did I offend him somehow? " No. If he believes he has a right to kiss just because you're on a date he's wrong.
    "Should I have kissed him? " Considering the fact you did not want to, the answer is obvious: NO.
    Finally, to respond to your initial question, the answer depends on what both want.
    And this answer is NO, unless BOTH want it. In which case it's definitely a good idea. But otherwise no. In your case you did not want, which is sufficient to justify your refusal. Because otherwise shall you also sleep with him just because he wants it? Should you apologize for refusing this too? No to both. Oh and society, as far as I know, does not expect a first kiss on a first date. And even if it did, who the hell cares? You get kissed only when you want it. It's a simple as that. Period.

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  • Bad idea. I've always made it a rule for myself never to kiss a girl on the first date no matter how much I like her. Also, if she tried to kiss me, that would automatically give me a negative opinion of her, because her willingness to kiss me so quickly shows promiscuity and indicates that she is easy.

    In your case especially, since he was angered by your lack of reciprocation, he is definitely not good for you. If he already doesn't respect your boundaries and tries to manipulate you into doing what he wants, it'll only get worse and involve more than just kissing.

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  • Yup, you rejected him. So of course he is bothered / offended / hurt.

    To guys, a girl saying "take things slow",

    is interpreted as,

    "you aren't attracted to me, cauz if you were attracted to me and liked me, you wouldn't 'take things slow' ".

    --------

    If he doesn't respond, consider this dating prospect dead. You fucked up on this one. If the vibe is right, go for it! Don't be one of those girls, that has hard set rules on things like kissing and sex. Just go with the flow!

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    • 2mo

      Wtf? I was very attracted to my boyfriend when we went on our first date, but I didn't want to kiss him because it was the first time we met face to face (met on tinder) and I felt like I wanted to get to know *him* as a person before I became more intimate with him. I was attracted but it felt awkward, so I "put it off" until the second date.
      Clearly she didn't fuck up on this one because it turned out the guy is an entitled ass who thinks that he's allowed to cross her boundaries and that she should be forced to go at his pace. And clearly she didn't feel like the vibe was right, so why should she have went for it anyway? Fucked up mindset you got there.

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    • 2mo

      His mentality wasn't just "different", it was downright rude. He could have talked about it with her an figure it out. But instead he tried to kiss her several times, despite her clearly not wanting to, and then stormed off like a child who wasn't allowed a cookie. It's fine to want to go at a faster pace than her if he wants, but he's not allowed to force her. And throwing a hissy fit for not getting what you want does make you a pissbaby. How hard is it to just talk about it, or to say "sorry, it seems like we want different things. I don't think this will work out. It was nice meeting you, though"?

    • 2mo

      @lumos I overlooked the details of "still trying to kiss her several times", that's not good.

  • Kissing is excessive on first date 8mho
    He felt rejected.

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  • He seems an ass honestly. Getting angry for that... uau, big respect there...
    Also, some guys think that, because they pay girls all the date, they shoud get a kiss...

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  • If it happens, it happens. Just don't force it because if you go in for a kiss and the other person doesn't then it could be very awkward and you probably won't hear from that person again.

    Not that having a kiss or making out at the end of the date guarantees another date.

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  • I like kissing :p but i dont know if its good or bad. I try to kiss on first date but i don't try it several times. Only one try at correct time mostly works.

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  • meh. if you didn't like him that much why on earth you decided to go out with him?

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    • 2mo

      People go out with each other and date because they want to *know* if something is there. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it isn't. For some people, they need to warm up a little. Asker is clearly a person who likes to take things slow and "feel a guy out" before she feels ready to become intimate. And that's ok. It's a part of dating.

  • if the moment feels right and both want it... why not. but I wouldn't expect it

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  • You did pretty right thing and ur thinking is a mature one... I believe that at least true lovers don't behave this way! This is ridiculous on first date..

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  • Don't think you offended him but just a kiss on the first date if it was a good date in my boom is pretty standard

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  • Bad idea

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  • Yes, I think you should have kissed him. I want to kiss girls on the first date. It's a way to avoid be friendzoned.

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  • The guy shouldn't have acted all butthurt, but I can understand why he would think you weren't interested. Why do you think a first-date kiss is moving too quickly? I don't get that concept. If you really had feelings for the guy, why wouldn't you want to give him a good-night kiss after he took you out and showed you a good time? Nobody says it has to turn into more than that.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Kissing on the first date is a good idea if you're ready for it. Kissing on the first date is a bad idea if you're not ready for it.
    You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. A guy who respected you would have gotten the hint and understood that you weren't ready. A pissbaby would have done the same thing he did, which is storm off and act all entitled and mad. Don't even bother with this guy. You're allowed to go at whatever pace you want, and if a guy isn't ok with that, then that's his problem. Not yours. You don't have to put yourself in situations where you feel uncomfortable, unprepared, or just straight up afraid, just to please some guy you're just getting to know.

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  • you dodged a bullet. I would not have apologized.
    he was being disrespectful to you. "he tried several times"
    scary to me

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  • if a guy respects you with no kisses , you need clear with them that you don't kiss on first dates
    if you don't show them that they will move on but give it space to think.
    if he doesn't respond he not the one for you

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  • You don't have to kiss him he shouldn't act so crazy just ditch him he doesn't deserve you

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  • That guy needs to chill.

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  • nope if you didn't want to you didn't want to he seems like a jerk his loss

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