Did my boyfriend settle for me? was a backup plan?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and attend the same university near our hometown. He has never had a girlfriend throughout high school and was very shy when it came to talking to girls. Last summer, we were "talking" and we would hangout a lot and flirt. Once summer was over we became more serious and started dating. I later found out that he was not only talking to me but to two other girls during summer (Whom attend a university farther away) I read their messages between each other and he would invite them for movie nights, and hangout with them. I was so hurt because I thought I was the only girl in he picture and the only girl he wanted to talk too. It seemed like I was almost a back up and it only worked out because the girls left back to school and I attended the same school he did. Although it's a year later, I can't seem to brush it off. I want to know what he was thinking or if he likes me more or less than the other girls? Do you think he settled and maybe still curious about the other girls who got away?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • For one, why did you read his messages? Did he offer to let you read his messages? Or did you ask? Or did you do it without asking?

    For two, why do you feel hurt by them being "in the picture" at the time? Guys aren't allowed to have friends that are girls? What's wrong with inviting them over for movie nights? Is there any evidence it was more than just hanging out?

    How is your self esteem? To me it sounds unreasonable for you to worry about it

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    • 2mo

      I did have a feeling he was talking to girls. I would be over and I would see him messaging a girl. And he would like her pictures. It was a little weird to me because we were in a way "talking"

      Once summer was over, I looked through his messages and I was right. I know I'm going to get some heat for this because i shouldn't have

      It definitely wasn't "friends" he was attracted to them and very flirty messages.. Even asking for nudes.. Although he didn't ask me for nudes?

      Sadly, I have low self esteem. Only because I started comparing myself to these girls. They are extremely pretty and nice.

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    • 2mo

      i don't understand how you can be attracted to 3 girls.. Obviously there must have been 1 that you liked the most and I don't know if that was me or not..
      He said he's never had girls talk to him and he got excited and wanted to lay out his options. And I don't like being an "option"
      Although it's been a year, I still get bothered by it, and wonder if he would still take the chance to be with them..

      And no I haven't gone to therapy.

    • 2mo

      Well everyone always has options, you have to learn with live with that. Especially when someone is single, if they're independent and not "needy" they aren't going to just wait for one person and ignore everyone else, they have to keep their options open in case the person doesn't like them back.

What Guys Said 2

  • i dont think so, i think he genuinely like you and wanted to be with you if he had wanted to be with another girl he would have went for them. not every guy just settles they go for what they want.

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  • He liked you more that is why he is with you.

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