If im really that hot and cute then why im still single?

[sandyboo]

as above, that really bothers me, i constantly keep getting compliments by men and women, that they think from my outlook, im hot, (im pretty tall and curvy type, but im a Asian girl so might be alittle different from the usual standard Asian look) im funny as well and seems fun to hangout with, but usually when they asked me about y status, they always surprised that im still single, and they were like, i think you are too picky! NO, i mean, not many guys approach me at all, (at least to me YES, not much) well, to make it clear, maybe those who i dont find very attractive usually are those who came and approach me, on some level i felt like losing alittle confident cos i always feel like, is that something wrong about me not being approachable? and why i only attract to guys i dont like,
Those guys who seem very attractive to me, usually we flirt or maybe went out a date or two, they pretty soon hinting sex and it seems like they just want to have sex or flings thats about it. And I dont think it count as picky when you dont want to settle down with someone who you don't find them attractive isn't it? Then i started to think, meh, i dont think im like that hot like you guys said? i dont know, maybe something wrong about me.

i did ask my guys friends, one or two saying im hot but people might find me intimidating, ok i admit i do have a RBF, i might look very confident from outside but i guess deep inside i know it isn't the reality, im alittle self-conscious. I reach a point im really frustrated about the fact its so hard to date these days, comparing to the past, yes, i dont jump into relationships like when i was young but is it that hard to just find a decent boyfriend? no dramas and i miss the time having a relationship!

D:

[kakarotto]

Do not work on smiling or laughing or anything like that. Just be yourself. With all do respect to everyone who told you to work on smiling, I know they are just trying to help, but this will hurt more than help.
What if you started smiling and laughing and you got approached by more guys and landed a boyfriend, then you met the man of your dreams who happened to enjoy your RBF and hated all those forced fake smiles? Wouldn't the guys you landed with your fake smiles lose all meaning then?
Do you really want the start and base of a relationship to be rooted in fakery?
Do NOT get tricked into thinking that social trends and norms have any reflection on yourself.
A simple example of what I mean:
If you live in times where the majority of men just want sex from girls, and these men look at your face that does NOT project to them "easy sex", thus leading to the scenarios where you will not be approached much; Your status of being single is NOT a reflection on you. You have nothing to change. You being single in this case is indirect proof of your decency and respect.
See my point?
So please, do not get manipulated by social results.
They hold no value.
Just be yourself and if mister right comes then you will know he IS mister right because he fell for you, he did not fall for the act you were putting up.

[Anonymous]

I've met hot and cute women and when I've gotten to know them better, I've discovered they had zero personality and then I stopped bothering. I can't even tell you how many times this has happened.

Looks are only for initial attraction and it is a fast depreciating asset. All a girl needs to be is average looking with a pleasant personality and nice to be around. That's it.

Some time ago, I met a girl I wasn't physically attracted to but she was fun to be around, pleasant, good sense of humor. I went away with her and we had such a laugh. As I spent more time with her, I started to find her physically attractive.

Regardless of her looks, if she was not fun to be around and had no personality, I would not have gone away with her. She said she found me physically attractive as soon as we met and was sad I didn't feel the same way.

Her inner beauty was all that really mattered in the end.

[sandyboo]

i guess one of my problems are, people tend to think that im a party girl look, but after they know me for a while and get to know me then they learn that im very family oriented and so called a good home girl type, like a good girlfriend material, but somehow my outlook possibly might given the idea to people i like party as i look abit high maintenance maybe? ( because of my job as well) but i really like the way i look or how i dress, i dont think im gonna change that because if i jsut wanna please someone i have to wear soemthing i do not want to etc. but yeah thanks for the constructive feedback. thank you!

[SarahsSummer]

If you know you have RBF, change it. Consciously make the effort to smile, often and regularly. Then see what happens. A smile is like an open door. RBF, not so much.

[sandyboo]

haha i tried, really, it probably because my job i need to smile all the times so i got tired from it, and i feel like smiling for not reasons seems alittle creepy, or at least i think "if i look creepy if im smiling for no reasons" haha but yeah, maybe i should do that.

[Kaazsz]

I don't know how true it is. But I believe most really hot guys are going to be looking only for sex. So if your standards are really high it's going to be harder to find a guy who wants to settle down for a relationship. When men have women throwing themselves at them all the time, it's like a kid in a candy store. You don't really want to stop eating all the different candies in favor of just eating one candy ya know? I could be wrong of course. I've never been a player or a super hot dude with girls all over me. But that's how I've always seen my friends and coworkers who were like that. They never settle for a girlfriend until they get older.

[ProbablyTooMature]

If you have RBF, and you know it, then yes... I would say work on that first and foremost. One of the coolest and hottest women I know has RBF so she's almost never ever approached. It's not about just attraction, it's about approachability. Smile while you're at work, when you go out, just at strangers, whatever. It may take a few months but it'll become second nature and you won't seem so "hard".

[sandyboo]

I agree with what you said. Hopefully it gets easier and become second nature to my. Thank you so much :)

[ProbablyTooMature]

You're very welcome. As a side note, I always had the male equivalent to RBF (RAF?) and made a conscious effort to change it. Because I also tend to be shy it was double the work, but it has made more people smile at me and talk to me more.

[sandyboo]

Aw that's truly very helpful to me. I think I'm a type of person pretty chilled and silly. So when people said I look bitchy, I take it very personally and then I was like, why would you insult me when you not even talk to me. I was really bother by that, and tried to think these people are shallow... but turns out I'm the victim of suffering RBF.

sometimes when I walk passed of people. Like girls I usually smiling. Guys sometimes yes sometimes not. But when it comes to conversation I'm always Betty polite and nice. Just maybe my facial expression looks serious like you. But it happened to me when I'm smiling say A couple walking towards me, the guy usually smile back but then the girl seems like why are you smiling bitch. And they just gave me a look that I intentionally flirting their bfs (by smiling) so I thought maybe no facial impression would keep me out of troubles. Does it make sense?

[sandyboo]

It actually happened many times the female gave me a look or reacted negatively if I smile at them, like they don't know why I'm smiling, especially with bfs, they think I seem doing it intentionally to draw his boyfriend attentions. So they just stare back at me like "F Off bitch" - so then that unfriendly vibes put me off to smile at strangers. With men usually safe. But I also did attracted people and invite people I didn't want to chat with but come over and approach me. Haha. -__-

[ProbablyTooMature]

Aw, you seem sweet. It's sad that people would make that judgement of you.

If someone take offense to you smiling, that's their problem. But maybe not smiling at couples would be safe. For guys it's different, we give the "guy nod" which can't me misconstrued as anything other than what it is. But just keep up with the smiling. :-)

[sandyboo]

Yeah I agreed with men seems look serious, seldom get bad feedback, like no one would called a man "Bitchy" right. Probably just "he looks serious."

To me, I took it too personal so if they said I looked cool, or serious I possibly won't feel hurt, but calling me "look Bitchy" then it makes me think like they are technically calling me a bitch (when I'm actually nice) - then I try to be friendly (which is my nature) then I come off flirty and female doesn't like it, I look they think I'm being slutty around their bfs. The struggle is real - but thanks for your input tho, been very helpful sharing your own RAF experience with me ☺️

[ProbablyTooMature]

Well, looking bitchy or acting bitchy are different than being a bitch... so don't think that. But yes, maybe just don't smile at couples and just think about things that put you in a good mood. Listen to music you like or think about something fun you get to do and let that keep you in a good mood. :-)

[AlwaysBelieving]

What @SarahsSummer said. You know you have a bit of RBF. Work on smiling. Yes, I know you said you got / get tired of it because of your job.

TBH, I've been told that I have a serious face (it gets REALLY bad when I put on sunglasses... LOL). I just think about stupid / silly things to get me laughing / smiling.

[sandyboo]

yeah - its a good idea. maybe i should try that, starting from tomorrow i will smile / laughing no matter what, and i will try to use your method. thanks so much :)

[AlwaysBelieving]

sure thing... You'll get used to the odd looks when you actually LOL and make sound (I have SmartOmi Boots so this happens more now than ever)

[Splintercell]

Because beauty intimidates most guys. I was once that way, I was afraid of getting rejected. I learned to stop taking it personal and reminding myself it's there loss. My good friends taught me this lesson as well. My reaction is my responsibility.
What is RBF? Just curious, why put on an act of confidence when your really self conscious? Yes dumb question but please enlighten me.

[sandyboo]

RBF - Resting bitch face syndrome is when somebody is relaxing, listening to another speak, driving, pushing a grocery cart or otherwise mellow but their facial expression is semi-murderous. They look annoyed, angry, frustrated, irritated, or pissed. They look like their partner cheated on them, their dog shat on the floor or their kid puked on their boss at a company party when in reality they're perfectly happy - they just happen to be victim of resting bitch face syndrome. (sources from the internet)

I'd try to explain in this way, psychologically thinking, act of confidence but actually really self conscious it might related to my childhood, lack of love from my own parents, my mom who abandoned me and do not careless about me and i want to prove she is wrong or her loss. yeah alittle dramatic but i think it might have something to do with that. Abandonment issues perhaps.

[Splintercell]

Oh I see. Sounds like living in the past. Thank you for explaining it.
How do you carry yourself? Because your body language reflects your thoughts. That's good that you don't lower your standards, as long as their not impossible standards.
Yea that's a tough one for the dating world.

[sandyboo]

I think, or at least my friends see me im pretty confident in general, I think I usually smile all the times infront of girls, not i find them intimidating but its just the power of gossip - i understand women can be pretty harmful when it comes to these stuffs, so im extra nice to them, like almost pleasing them.

but with men, i think I try not to make too much effort to please them, not because i dont think they don't deserve it, but i just think I believe men are hunters by nature so I seldom try to please them or draw them too much attention (such as smile at them intentionally) - i may doing it all wrong tho haha.

[JohnDoe3000]

Looks aren't the only thing that matter and maybe you are too picky, you say you're not but we don't know what you really look like or what the guys who approach you look like so we can't really take your word for it.

[sandyboo]

fair enough, not sure because I want prove a point then i will post my pics on here tho , (happened before no on this site but got pics stolen so im alittle cautious since then) but thanks for the input, just trying to see if there is any constructive feedback but cheers

[rahul6023]

Your perspective is clear. May be you just don't give enough signals to guys or may be they fear something of you to ask you out. May be you like the one... Who is friendly but, "Know your limits" girl.

Should know you better though to answer this.

[Alex88F]

you sounds too intelligent to be a slut and nowdays, sadly, its a problem

[sandyboo]

haha thanks? i dont know but who knows, you might be right about it.

[capturemyheartnow]

Even I am surprised , why you are single. May be you need a business man like attitude and a better negotiating skill. You need a little more confidence and a will to win.

[sp33d]

I would approach you sure, but good looks is a far cry from "relationship potential".

[sandyboo]

ok good point, im not sure what made people think that im not?
im well known that im very family oriented, becasue i care about my family a lot, (not gonna go through the details) ...

[sp33d]

You lead into this topic by insisting on your hotness and cuteness and whatnot. Why? Is it because it's what you care about most or because you want guys to feel intimidated (you mentioned this, too).

Based on the above, I, at least, am lead to believe you are good sport.. but just sport. Which is acceptable, but kind of strikes out the relationship bit.

What you are like in your every day life will become apparent after you have lived together with your man for some months.

[sandyboo]

ok good obeservation, my past relationships are usually pretty long terms, and never had any shorts ones, but since my last once, it was maybe 4 years ago, after that break up it was a very big impact to me, it was a pretty bad break up, since then i possibly didn't want to make the same mistake again to be with a wrong guy, so i became alittle cautious in dating, i did dated after that break up, but nothing last longer than 6 months, to me , no longer one year relationships afterward seems like a failure to me.

[sandyboo]

but yeah, u did got me re think about again. maybe i think too much on, "guys only care about the "outlook"

[sp33d]

Some guys care only about looks. A lot less than you think. In any event, you are right to keep your guard up, but remember, the man you meet has nothing to do with your past.

[sandyboo]

yes thanks for your constructive feed back, been very helpful and insightful, cheers

[glaji]

Maybe you're too picky but on the other hand if you aren't attracted to these guys you can't push yourself to be with them...

Maybe (and as you say) some guys find you intimidating...^^

[Unit1]

Because you're not making the first moves/aren't putting your effort into the dates?
Or you probably meet the wrong types of guys.

[FrenchyRomain]

Maybe it's because they believe that you are out of their league :/

[john52461]

almost everyone thinks they are funny

[sandyboo]

Sorry I didn't meant I think I was funny, I have been told I'm a funny girl.

[john52461]

if you have a bitchy looking face then it makes it really hard but it's nothing you can't overcome, wish you had put up a pic and posted this anonymously

[pr3ttybr0wn]

maybe you just haven't found the right guy yet

[zagor]

Where do you live?

[sandyboo]

HK? why?

[zagor]

Well, that kind of makes a difference in the kind of men you meet, and what they expect from women.

[sandyboo]

I see - good point. What do you think about that then? If living in Hong Kong

[zagor]

I haven't been there, though I've been to other parts of China, and Taiwan. But in terms of your being Asian, since I assume 99% of the population of HK is Asian, you don't stand out in that way. How do you go about meeting men? Clubs, bars, online? What kind of guys do you find attractive, and where do you think you can meet that kind of man?

[Trending]

You have a bad personality

[TripleAce]

Maybe your not

[sandyboo]

yeah thats what i said - i hope you did read it. my problem was if im really not, maybe these men and women shouldn't keep saying i am and surprised im still single.

P. S. You're *

[TripleAce]

Well maybe not universally attractive but attractive to them?

[sandyboo]

Well maybe not universally unattractive but unattractive to you? it probably sounds better