Split the bill on a date.. I need your help?

Dating is so confusing!

Ok, so I asked a truly nice gentleman over the weekend. Things were going well, conversation flowed well but when the bill came, I offered to go dutch (splitting the tab) and he seemed offended. And was persistent on paying for us both. Later he brought it up and asked me why I did that, I then said we were just raised in a home where we were taught to be independent. He says, "Alright, I respect that."

To be honest, I can't think of anything else I did wrong over the date except that. So I then offered to pay for our next meal together. But never heard back from him again (its been 3 days) so I don't really expect anything. I just need help understanding what is so wrong with offering to split the bill? Was that offensive? Or did I do something else wrong?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It wasn't wrong, and if he decided it's one and done, that's not it. Forget the idea that you can change one specific thing and then he will want to date you. It's just a date that didn't lead to more. You will probably have lots of those. Most people do.

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    • 2mo

      It's not really about what I could do to want me back. It's more like me not wanting to make the same mistakes with the next guy.

    • 2mo

      Just because you didn't get a second date doesn't mean you did something wrong. Assuming you weren't rude to the waitstaff and you have reasonable table manners, it's probably just compatibility. Did the conversation flow, or were you searching for something to say?
      If a couple can't talk and laugh easily, it's won't be a great relationship.

      There are other things that can be changed and could make a difference, but I have no way of knowing if any would help you. The biggest ones are style and self-confidence.

    • 2mo

      As far as I was concerned we were getting on well and gelling. Heck, he said it himself that the date was over the top. We were both laughing and not running out of things to say.

      He did however, bring me to his place at the end of the night but no physical contact happened. I feel like as a first date, it was too soon. So maybe that's why- I don't even know.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sometimes asking to or offering to splitting the bill implies a disinterest in the other person. I'd either pay the whole thing or let him pay the whole thing. Splitting, in my eyes, implies plutonic friends.

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    • 1mo

      Did you ever hear from him for another date?

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    • 1mo

      Definitely, just not going to waste time. But yeah those were only a couple.
      There's definitely more but it just wasn't working out which is a shame since I really liked him in that first date. But then again, it was prolly the booze.

    • 1mo

      Lol. That can affect things. Been there done that. 😊

What Guys Said 5

  • A good man is a protector and provider. If you don't let him do those things, you don't see him as a man, at least in his eyes.

    If he does not do those things, he is not a man.

    That being said, I have let girls pay for some of the date to avoid a fight but I don't feel like they are interested in me.

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    • 2mo

      Oh wow, so what can I do to make it up to him? Do I reach out or? He's a really nice guy and would hate to miss my chance. Or did I completely screw it up to the point of no return?

    • 2mo

      No you haven't screwed up and he should understand.

      I would see if he wants to go out to something casual, like coffee, and let him pay if he wants.

      The best thing you could do is talk to him though, but I know that can be hard in the beginning.

    • 2mo

      Yeah, after all it's just the first date. I will just let it off, I don't wanna seem too needy.

  • He enjoyed the meal and being with you so he felt the need to be nice and do the nice thing in the situation. He wanted a way to show that you matter to him and he thought that was away to show ho much you mean to him. Chivalry isn't dead but you gotta earn it not ask for it. That is the big change in dating. Guys will do nice things if it means they get a postive response from the other half. But if its dead beat responses and the date isn't going well of course Chivalry is going to lack.

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    • 2mo

      Ok, so then in a man's opinion.. what could you suggest that I could've done differently? See, I am not used to guys being chivalrous and I am afraid I have messed up my chance with him.

    • 2mo

      The only thing that could have sweetened the deal is say "fine you win this one, and then give him a peck on the cheek." Then tell him I gotta pay my way some how. (and then smile)

    • 2mo

      That is what my SO does when I grab for the bill before she can say to split it. xD

  • No need to read , no read to overthink. The person who asked the other out! The person who asked PAYS.
    I don't care what other says or the stupid rules are. You invite me ! you pay.

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  • The man usually pays. Plus, as others have said already, he who asks, pays.

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    • 2mo

      I actually invited him and so I didn't feel like he needed to pay.

  • I'm sorry girl, but what you did is shame him.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Always expect to pay and offer to do so, but if he won't let you, then just let him and don't insist. Say your thanks by getting him a drink or something later on instead.

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