She Cheated, But I Didn't?

There is a guy in my APA writing class I started seeing a couple weeks ago. He's a real sweetie, but he has a lot of damage. He's been cheated on several times, including by his fiancée. I think we could have a nice relationship. Is there any way I can earn his trust? I think we could have a nice relationship.

I'm not the cheating type, but I accept that he doesn't realize that yet. I told him that I want to take things slow, and that I'm not interested in sex until after marriage (we'll see how my will power holds up, lol). I don't really know what else to do... I'm a pretty transparent person, even if I've done something wrong. I'd really just like to have a healthy, normal relationship. If it really gets that bad, I'm the type to either confront the problem, or break up with the person. There is no reason to lie.

If you've ever been cheated one, what would you want your partner to do? I'd really appreciate more than two responses. Thanks in advance.

Updates:
2mo Rephrase: Is there any way I can prove I'm not like the rest of his past girlfriends (that I'm not a cheater)?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Am here now actually... Got cheated on by my wife! We stayed together and eventually 'got past it.' Well, she did. I can't seem to so for now it's fake it til I make it. But I digress... Ultimately it comes down to this, be there for him and make him feel as wanted as he really is to you, don't stop trying to win him over (as he should also do for you). Don't make him question your intentions with anyone else either. Eventually, (I believe) he will come around and see that you are different and/or at least worth a shot of letting his guard down. Time and effort.

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    • 2mo

      Won't being that insistent seem... suspicious?

    • 2mo

      I understand what you're saying How does a girl act when she's cheating anyway?

Most Helpful Girl

  • It takes time and patience. That's about all there is to it. You'll have to understand that certain times (depending on how bad he's had it) he's going to behave in ways that might seem seem overly cautious or annoyingly insecure to you, and that's something you're going to have to ease him out of. You sound like a good fit for the way he is in terms of helping him move on from it, so just keep doing what you're doing. Stay transparent, don't hide things from him, reassure him with both words and actions that you are there for him and him only and in it for the long run (assuming you are). Be honest with him always about how you feel and just show him that he CAN trust you and everything you say.

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    • 2mo

      We just started seeing each other. Neither of us have made any decisions on whether this is long term or not... but I really like him, and want to be able and prove I'm trust worthy from the get-go.

      I'm nervous because I've been in a verbally abusive relationship before, so I don't know how to handle this... I really want to avoid him getting mad and loud... but I don't know if I'll be able to stay if it does happen...

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    • 2mo

      Yea, I guess for the time being since you guys aren't anything serious there isn't much you can do. Just stay you. Be honest, stay truthful. He'll see with time. It's not something you can rush and has to be proven with time.

    • 1mo

      Thanks for MH, good luck with everything!

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't get the question?

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    • 2mo

      Is there any way I can prove I'm not like the rest of his past girlfriends (that I'm not a cheater)?

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    • 2mo

      Yeah good idea ^^

    • 2mo

      Good news: he has a close girl friend he's in the same boat with 👍🏻

What Girls Said 1

  • Placing your trust in anyone in general is one of the hardest challenges that most people face

    Betrayal is excruciatingly painful. So people tend to becone guarded, because they don't want to ever face that pain again. They end up jeopardising further relationship because of their inability to fully trust again

    Only time , patience and openness about yourself, your life and feelings will gradually earn his trust

    When people have been so deeply emotionally scarred they tend to generalise instead of judging other people individuals. It's quite understandable though.

    He needs to realise that he's allowing his exes wrongdoing to control his future happiness. It's like punishing himself for his exes behaviour. It's unfair to himself and to you. The only way to know for sure if you can trust someone is to just trust them. .

    Words and reassurance won't really mean anything to him , because he's probably heard the same words before by his ex , but she betrayed that trust. So really he needs to get to know you really well , as a person , then he can finally judge you based on your character alone.. not his exes

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    • 2mo

      I think we've both done this... punished ourselves for our relationships failing... I'll keep that in mind.

    • 2mo

      Good luck x

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