Why do some guys start a rejection with "I'd love to but"?

I took people's' advice and asked the guy I like out, no scooting around it and he told me no but what I don't understand is why he said it like this: "I'd love to but I just got out a five year relationship before coming here and I still talk to her a lot and still like her so-". His face also had to look of "Damn I really want to but I can't" and I don't understand. I get it was a no, I'm not asking to help me try to get him but I'm just kinda lost with how he said it. Can anyone help?


1|0
3|20

Most Helpful Guy

  • He was telling you that you still have a chance. He just needs time to heal and get over her. If he went out with you now you would just be the rebound. Give him time and let him know you are still interested, as it clues into him that she is done with him then you will look more appealing.. anytime I say 'i would love to but...' I am saying 'if you could wait till I get shit sorted out then okay but I don't have any right to ask you to wait for me' if I have no interest at all it is just 'sorry no'

    2|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • He is being Polite with all of his Might.
    It seems with this One, hun, along with his Lame duck excuses, he is Telling you He is still Hooked to the Hip with her and that You have no Chance with Romance.
    Move on.
    Good luck. xx

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 19

  • Sounds like he was just telling you the truth. He might like you, but knows it's not the right time for him. It would be very unfair to you if he did start with you, but knew he wasn't ready. Coming from a serious 5 year relationship breakup is still very hard even though you broke up. The feelings and emotions don't just stop. It takes time to mourn your loss, yes, even though you broke up. You should never go into a new relationship coming right out of a serious one. Alternatively, He could have just been letting you down gently. I think he was being honest with you and what you saw in his face was true.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I wish I was a gentle and smooth as that guy. Unfortunately, when it comes to rejecting, I never mastered that skill in life. It always comes off something like, "Ughhh... shit... look... I'm not gonna lie, I'm really not interested."

    The look on my face is sort of like my favorite sports team losing the Playoff finals, Super Bowl, Stanley Cup, World Cup, etc. to some nobody/loser team. So, it just starts off with like disappointment, like something fucking horrible just happened... that being her expressing some interest and me realizing that I now have to go through the motions of awkwardly "rejecting" and putting a "stop/boundary" to this attempted escalation of her relationship privileges with me... and having to necessarily express that I don't want to go there.

    It's uncomfortable any way you slice it. At least this guy starts off positive... "Hey! I would love to! This is amazing! Of course I would! ... but... yeah... you see... the thing is... my cat just gained a lot of weight, because he's allergic to dairy... and I just have to spend a lot of time right now monitoring his diet and taking him to the vet... so, while the idea of taking you up on your suggestion of titty-fucking you on this couch right here sounds awesome... I just can't right now... at this point in my life... and I'm not sure how temporary or permanent this point in my life will be... yeah, I'm sorry."

    1|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Personally I would prefer a guy rejecting me like your first comment. Way less confusing, than "I would love to but..." Yeah it would hurt, but it makes it easier to move on to the next guy. I appreciate your blunt honesty.

  • He's being honest or soften the rejection. IF he's still got feelings for her, he's doing the right thing by not stringing you along. Contrary to popular belief, it's actually good to take a break between "relationships" and get your head straight before getting involved/f#cking up another person's life.

    Tell him that when he does get his shat together to look you up. It may help him shat or get off the pot when it comes to moving on from the ex.

    3|0
    0|0
  • He is trying to soften the blow. All guys have been rejected when asking a girl out, it hurts. Girls think that doesn't bother us, it does. And the more you liked her the more it hurts.

    To make it worse, girls can be mean with their rejection.

    A good guy understands this and doesn't want you to feel bad. I have been ask out by people I am not interested in, and I am always touched because I know the effort that it takes to do that.

    0|2
    0|0
  • think he's trying to soften the blow. basically not just outright rejection but rather soften the rejection

    0|1
    0|0
  • He probably did want to but for some guys its hard getting out of a relationship but its also probably the most gentle way of saying it

    1|0
    0|0
  • It takes time to get over a relationship and be ready for a new one. Sounds like he is telling you that it isn't that time for him yet. The last thing you would want is for him to tell you he wants to have a relationship with you and then you find out that his heart isn't available to you because it is still in the hands of someone else.

    Sounds like he is being honest and treating you with a lot of respect. He is saving you from that fate.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just to let you off more sincerely. I'm willing to bet you would have had an issue with it if he were to simply and bluntly say "no."

    0|0
    0|0
  • "Nothing someone says before the word "but" really counts."

    0|0
    0|0
  • (1)"I love you but I don't have the money to support your high lifestyle. (2) I love you but your father will kill me if I even come closer to you (3) I love you but you need to find some one better (5) I love you but my mother hates you -------These are some of the examples. Man just find the words to say that they have rejected you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He may have been telling the truth or he may have been trying to sugarcoat the rejection. Would you have preferred he said, "oh Jesus Christ no. I would never go out with you. Who even suggested such a thing? What were you thinking?"

    0|0
    0|0
  • He's letting you down gently?

    0|0
    0|0
  • He is giving youna reason lol its an easy let down. Some of the ways I've heard girls reject guys... consider yourself very lucky.

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's the letting you down easy approach. He didn't want to upset you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • it's a lie to make himself feel guilt free by telling you what he wants 'I don't want to hurt you but your making me say this..."

    0|1
    0|0
  • He doesn't want you to be rebound.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Soften the blow. That's the default thing to say at first to avoid sounding too harsh.

    0|1
    0|0
  • He's still not over his ex, just forget about him and try somebody else. Either that or he's making up bullshit excuses because he don't want to date or go out with you at all, but don't want to be direct and rude to you about it.

    That's why he kept the communication less direct to the point because he don't want to offend or get you upset, so he has to find something to either make up an excuse and try and hope that you'd understand that he can't or wouldn't go out with you.

    Just forget about him, and try another guy instead that you can become interested in.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd love to tell you why but.

    1|1
    0|0

What Girls Said 2

  • If they straight up said it, lots of women will think he's being an ass about it. So they're "carefully masking" the rejection

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because sometimes they'd love to but they have reasons not to

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...