I dated my guy friend for a little bit but now we are back to being friends because he was being hot and cold and it was confusing me. I can tell he still likes me but I know he is still scared about getting hurt after his last girlfriend dumped him. I think we both are a little scared of letting someone else in again but I just have a gut feeling that there is something here. He also thinks that I want a serious relationship with him which he isn't ready for and I'm not either... at least not yet. So my question is how should I approach this? Should I tell him I would like to try again or that I still like him or will that scare him off? Or would it be better to just flirt back when he flirts and see what happens/see if he comes to me?
Most Helpful Guy
I'm a guy with a guarded heart, and I'll tell you the REAL secret: The mere passage of time in and of itself will prove nothing. What counts is the experiences you share, milestones, events, seeing how you act and react to different situations, seeing your character exposed. How do you handle it when my dad dies? How about when I lose my job? What about if I get mugged, do you find me less attractive because I got beat up? He has questions about how you really feel, and you haven't answered them. And the more you try to pressure him and "make" him trust you before he's ready, the more you undermine your efforts. He'll trust you when he feels safe around you and not before. The guy has been hurt and it's not that that makes him question you so much as he questions himself, his worthiness, his manhood, his intelligence. That's what gets damaged by betrayal. He can't LET himself love you until he loves himself again, and that's what's been shattered. And you know what? The fact that getting dumped can effect him that much means he was REALLY in love with that girl. And you know what that means? Means he's capable of loving someone that much. So that's a good man you've got there and those are exceedingly rare. Be patient and supportive and compassionate, and when he does open up, it'll be much more rewarding for both of you. He's testing your commitment. "Do you really love me, or do you just think you like me, as long as I do what you want?" That's what he's asking.2