Do the Pros outweigh the cons in my relationship?

Pros
Good fun
Great sex
Honest (most of the time)
Kinda cute
Spoils me with attention
A lot in common

Cons
Doesn't have a real job
Distance between where we live
No style
Can be cheap
Often puts himself (and his friends) first
Displays irresponsible behaviour


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If are looking for a long term relationship cons outweigh the pros. Unless you make a lot of money you should really look for someone with a career or at least a direction they want to go in life. Also if you are thinking kids you want someone who is responsible and puts his family first.

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    • 1mo

      I have a career-I don't make tons but i earn double the average for my country. He does have a direction he wants to go in but as I said he can be irresponsible and he's always talking about how he wants to go travelling etc which is fine I feel when you are younger or you at least have some foundations to come back to. He just wants to have fun all the time.

    • 1mo

      Well you will just have to decide if you love him enough to put up with him just having fun all the time. I would just think about if you have a family in the future I think you'd want to know he would settle down and put you guys first. I know I wouldn't want a wife who went out all the time and put friends ahead of me, I'd want to be her best friend and want her to want to spend time with me. That's how i feel personally but you may be different

    • 1mo

      Same hence why it was a con. Thanks

Most Helpful Girl

  • If there's many pros but one deal breaker then I'd leave. Personally for me , there's 3 dealbreakers:" Distance between where we live
    Often puts himself (and his friends) first
    Displays irresponsible behaviour". I'd end it on those alone. Regardless of the pros.

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    • 1mo

      I put them in order of what I felt most important to me by the way. His job situation bothers me most.

    • 1mo

      Yeah everyone has their own personal dealbreakers. Like I said though , a guy can have many pros , but it only takes one con to be a deal breaker, then I call it off by ending it. I'd never settle for less than I'm looking for

    • 1mo

      Thanks for the MHO 🌷

What Guys Said 14

  • First of all ask your self a question. When you met him and you agreed to dating him, was he like that or did he change after he started dating you? If he was like that when you giys started dating you should have never dated him in the first place if you dont like those things. If he changed after you guys started dating then those things are fixable seeing how its hard to find a job these days cause of the economy, he's probly cheap and maybe is trying to find a real job but in the meantime he rather have a job. His friends shouldn't be a priority but you could try to talk to him about that. No style? Thats simple start telling him what he looks good on and what turns you on if he wears this or that kind of clothes. And last but not least distance is thee worst ine for me. If you guys live vlose to esch ither like a couple hours away its fine but if you live faaar from each other and you think you can work things out then go for it although it is very hard but if you can't handle it then end it right now. Good luck!

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  • Well, you're never ever gonna meet a man who doesn't have a list of cons. And guess what, there's pros AND cons about you too. You ain't perfect, lady. I'll tell you this though, most of the things you listed as cons are temporary conditions and not necessarily his fault. He doesn't have a real job? Well guess what, if you look at the real unemployment numbers, you'll find that MOST people don't have a real job. 33% of my generation is unemployed, the Great Depression was 25% nationwide, for comparison. Maybe him not having a real job is a good reason to be cheap, are you sure that's a con? The value of a dollar is 5% of what it was in 1913, you really want a guy who spends money like it's going out of style? Is that what you call "irresponsible behavior?" I already found out one con to dating you, you don't like to adjust your standards to fit reality and you're judgmental as hell. But apparently he loves you anyway. You'd treasure that if you knew how rare it really is.

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    • 1mo

      Wow! Best answer to that question right here! 👏👏👏

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    • 1mo

      @flakosky not at all

    • 1mo

      You're right. Break up with him. You can surely do better. Or somebody can, anyway.

  • Without reading anything but the title of your question: if you have to ask then the answer is NO. Sorry.

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  • Seems like a normal balance, although the no job and irresponsible behaviour can weigh a lot.

    How does the pro "Spoils me with attention" not clash with the con "Often puts himself (and his friends) first" ?

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    • 1mo

      He spoke me with attention when we are together but often times he has put his friends before me

    • 1mo

      Spoils^^^

  • He shepherds others in order to fleece them
    rather than WORK
    to create a career, home, safe life and foster love

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  • To date, its fine. If you want more I would say find someone responsible.

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  • My answer cons out weigh.

    This like this is he marriage material, takes the lead in the relationship and provides for you and your children.

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  • hmm. seems pretty even. but if you have to think about it then maybe its not worth it.

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  • Emotions such as love is a lot more complicated than a simple pro and con list. Go with how you feel

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  • Stop looking for reasons to leave and you'll find less of them.

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  • you typical cheap bad boy who girls want, no wonder you're with him

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  • Dating is ok, not for a serious relationship though

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  • whats his belief

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  • Pros that need added
    Communicates good
    Shows real love
    Good fun
    Great sex
    Honest (most of the time)
    Kinda cute
    Spoils me with attention
    A lot in common
    Yes pros can outweigh if there is improvements made

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    • 1mo

      100% agree with you

      We communite very well when together but not so well over phone/text

      He's never said he loves me and I am not sure if I love him but I do feel cared about by him in some ways.

What Girls Said 8

  • Do the Pros outweigh the cons in my relationship?
    Not in my opinion.. this "Often puts himself (and his friends) first" is the dealbreaker to me

    He doesn't have a real job- sounds like a possible financial burden if you plan on being serious rather than casual

    Distance between where we live- that's gas and time money to me and if you plan on being serious then one of you may have teo move

    Displays irresponsible behaviour - this sounds like a slippery slope to him blaming you for what he says/does to you

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  • "Honest (most of the time)"

    ... so, in other words, dishonest? oh okay.

    Without his (or her) word, a person is literally as good as dead. Dead. Not even alive.
    Gtfo while yr heart's still in one piece, girly.

    __

    Also. *please* do some soul-searching, to try to understand why you actually listed this as a "pro"!

    "Honest MOST of the time" just means that he'll LIE whenever honesty becomes DIFFICULT.
    Girl.
    It DOESN'T MATTER if the boy tells the truth 99.5 percent of the time... It doesn't matter at all.
    Because it's that other 0.5 percent of the time -- when it's actually HARD to tell the truth -- that MATTERS.

    That's the ONLY thing that matters.

    ANYONE can be honest when being honest is EASY.
    You need a man who can be honest ALL the time. Even when it hurts.

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  • Everything needs to be looked at. But the moment you start having sex, you tend to be clouded and miss those red flags. But with that kind of list show a lot of immaturity of both partners. That is not enough to sustain a proper relationship and its bound to fail at some point in their lives. That is very clear just by reading this list.

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    • 1mo

      Why is it immature?

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    • 1mo

      You don't need to continue. I am quite aware of what each things mean but these are the things I consider MY Pros and Cons. For sure you're will be different but that's not my question so thanks for the input but you don't need to waste your time any further.

    • 1mo

      @Asker Not a problem. But what I am saying overall that regardless to the pros, you have to look at the cons. If you can't handle or deal with it, don't stay in the relationship hoping to compromise or pretend. It will make it worse and god forbid both of you will get hurt in the process. You say you value honesty, you have to be equally as honest. Because now you would be lying to yourself.

  • Where is love? I see no mention of love :/

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  • Dating and casual sex, yes. LTR, no. He hasn't grown up enough for something serious.

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  • How long have you guys been together for?

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    • 1mo

      6 months

    • 1mo

      For long term, not a good person to be with. For short term, yes.

  • Those cons would turn me off. I would have to end the relationship if I was in that position, but everyone is different.

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    • 1mo

      I guess my point is that I was ready to end the relationship anyway...

  • Got to go with your con list on this one

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